Because it was one of the worst feelings I have ever had in my whole life, and I don't want her to go through that.
In a way, having her around that time, even if it was to keep me distracted from everything with my picking on her, helped me a lot to get through the whole thing without freaking out.
And I swear I could help if she let me, but she doesn't want to do that.
...
I grab my cell phone and call Julie.
''Hi, little brother.''
''How's it going over there?''
Somehow she knows that it includes learning about Molly when I ask this.
Julie knows that we don't get along very well, and she also knows, this time, it wasn't my fault, but convincing Molly of this is not easy.
''It's all right. Just as well, you know.''
We talk a little more about Sam and how he is doing, and Julie says she has to get up early to go to class, and I hang up.
...
We are at the mall's food court waiting for Andy, who an hour ago said he was going to look at some shoes and so far he hasn't come back and Sam says:
''You like this girl, aren't you?''
That takes me by surprise. I look at Sam laughing, but he seems serious now.
''What makes you think that?''
He looks at me like it's obvious and says:
''Oh, come on, man. You've been here for two weeks, we've gone out a few times, Andy introduced you to a bunch of her friends, and you don't seem interested in any of them, and you keep looking at this cell phone when you've had some downtime and...''
I interrupt him:
''Okay, and if I tell you that I like her, will you leave me alone?''
He has that face now. The expression he always has when he knows he's right.
''Finally, you admit it.''
And he laughs as if this is good news. He realizes that for me, it's not so good.
He questions:
''But why do you seem to hate having to admit it?''
I look somewhere other than in the direction of him in the wheelchair and say:
''Because she hates me at the moment.''
I give a summary of the last few months, and he now seems more in Molly's favor.
I say:
''I know I wasn't one of the most excellent guys with her, but I swear I didn't mean for all this to happen to her.''
He knows that I somehow mean what happened to me.
There is silence.
Then he says:
''Can I see her?''
I look at him uncomprehendingly, and he laughs.
I know you have some pictures of this girl right there.
I laugh. I do. I got it off Julie's cell phone, a picture of Molly in that dress, the one that almost drove me crazy that night.
Sam laughs as he sees me handing him the phone.
He looks at the screen and then at me. He seems to approve of what he sees.
''Wow! I won't be bothering you anymore when I see you always looking at your cell phone, waiting for this girl to call you.''
I end up laughing.
...
I ended up staying in New York a few days longer than I had planned, but fortunately, Sam is much better now.
Now I am on this flight back to Seattle with an anxiety that is twenty thousand times greater than the last time I made this trip a few months ago.
This time I am even more eager to get out of New York because there is someone I need to see again.
I hope that she is not so angry with me anymore.
...
I arrived at the parking lot of the building and headed towards the elevator, and I didn't ask Julie to pick me up. I took a cab. I didn't tell her that I would be coming back. I wanted to surprise her.
This time my flight arrived a little later than I had anticipated, and as I looked at the clock while the elevator seemed to go up more slowly than it usually does, I saw that it was almost six in the afternoon.
The elevator opens, and I walk down our hallway. Only then do I realize that I have missed here as if I had always lived in this place and no longer belonged in New York as I used to.
I walk a few steps and slowly stop in front of her apartment door. I take a deep breath; I can't just finish arriving and run to her, no matter how much I want to do it.
So I continued on my way and turned the door handle of our apartment. I open the door and walk in, pushing my suitcase. I hear laughter in the kitchen, and Julie shouts my name and comes toward me.
She hugs me, I embrace her back, and as soon as I raise my eyes and hug her, I see she is here too. Molly is standing right in front of me, and she looks beautiful with that smile I've longed to see these past few days.
But she is not alone.
There is a guy next to her.
The guy is not just standing next to her. And he has his arms wrapped around her. She no longer looks as comfortable as when I arrived.
While her smile slowly fades as I look into her eyes, seeing her this close to this guy, I feel it is killing me.
... Molly...
Where did you find this hot guy?
I turn instantly to the door that has just opened as I turn my back. Julie is elated with a silly grin as she waits for my answer. I end up laughing:
''Do you like him? He is Jack.''
She still doesn't seem to have the expected answer and follows me as I walk over to the couch.
''But what do you mean? I'm gone for two days, and you find a cat like this lost somewhere?''
''We met last week at a party. Chantal made me go to it. And yesterday he called me, we went out, and he ended up spending the night here.''
''Wow.''
I can't tell if Julie liked this, but she knows I had to move on.