He had caught me cold with his breathy words, but I turned away from him skillfully, frowning and trying not to let my inner chaos show.
"You must have misunderstood something," I explained, stuttering, avoiding his gaze to collect myself for a moment. It was really starting to become a challenge not to give in to him.
"Okay, then that's the way it is," he said with a grin and then took a few steps to the side to clear the way to the door for me.
It wasn't a second before I padded past him carefully and hopped down the stairs as fast as I could to make enough space between us.
I didn't want any of this... Didn't want his scent in my mind, nor his proximity to my body, and yet down here alone I suddenly didn't feel whole anymore.
This moon goddess with her soulmates... She really took it to the extreme and my inner wolf didn't make it any easier for me either, with her constant howling.
"Do you know why there are soul mates?" Silvan interrupted my thoughts and when I turned around, startled, he was just coming down the stairs. To my bad luck, he must have taken off his wet tops quickly, giving me a clear view of his well-trained chest.
I stared at it and immediately recognized several tattoos on his upper body. When my eyes then fleetingly met his, I noticed that my mouth was slightly open. I closed it with wide eyes and then shook my head in the negative.
"The very first male werewolves created by the moon goddess had difficulty treating their mates appropriately and binding them to them because of their arrogance," he began, leaning his back against the banister.
"It's hard to believe," I said, rolling my eyes, whereupon he smiled in amusement, which also elicited a grin from me.
Damned!
"Anyway, she then created the Mateband that was supposed to make self-confident men dependent on this one woman who was only meant for them. With her, a werewolf had to learn to control himself and her on an equal footing for if a woman rejected her mate because of his inappropriate behavior, he would never find true strength, and what man would ever allow that?"
"So you're about to tell me that you only want me to get stronger?" I then asked confused, whereupon he shook his head again and looked at me intently.
"I'm an Alpha. I'm already stronger than any other wolf in my pack. I wanted to tell you with this story that it's in my nature to be quick-tempered and dominant, but I'll try my best to be different with you As long as you let me and give me a chance to really get to know you."
It went completely silent for a while and I kept looking from his face to the window where it was still raining cats and dogs.
Of course I knew that he wanted to get to know me and also that I would certainly only feel the great love that some never found with him.
But still something kept me from giving him a real chance.
Devin...
If I accepted this mate band, would I ever see my brother again?
After all, he had called him scum, and with so much hate in his voice that it still haunted me.
My gaze darted to my cell phone, which he had given me and which was still on the kitchen island next to me.
"I want to know what you have against my brother and why you didn't hesitate for a second to shoot him," I then demanded, looking deep into his dark eyes, which became even darker from my words.
What the fuck did he have?
"Do you know what was going through my head that night?!" he growled, taking a step towards me to cup my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him closely.
My heart was pounding in fear as his eyes were once again so dark I didn't know if he was going to morph from anger at any moment. This time there was no Igor to protect me.
"Silvan... you're hurting me," I breathed while my hands started to tremble and he even briefly tightened his grip before letting go of me and taking a step back.
"I smelled you in the fucking forest, but not only you! There was this intense smell of a man on you! When Trevis then told me you had a partner, it was clear to me that he would force you into a partnership! "
Still shaking, I noticed his whole body shaking and his jaw clenching in anger.
"I mean, what woman binds herself to a man before she's of legal age? I thought he was forcing you, Jade. At the playing field, after you took off, I followed you to the edge of the woods and that's when I saw you. He ripped you off on his sleeve and I ran away immediately, because otherwise I might have killed him there!"
He took a deep breath, glancing at my shaking hands and then back to my eyes.
"You guys have so much rape, so much forced marking. If I had known he was your brother and just wanted to protect you, I would never have done anything to him."
He just looked at me with an apologetic look for a long time while I pondered his words, slowly realizing that it probably really seemed like it to him. Could I still be mad at him then?
"But why can't I see him anyway? Why can-"
"Because I want it that way," he promptly interrupted, and once again I didn't understand at all what his problem was.
"Jade, just leave it," he added and then turned to the stairs to run up them again.
Irritated and full of confused thoughts, he left me down here and somehow I had even more questions than before, but I didn't dare to dwell on them anyway. I was already feeling completely overwhelmed by his moods and for tonight, I would just avoid him and really let it go.
****
After hearing him close his bedroom door upstairs, I decided to just go to sleep. I didn't even know what time it was, but what else could I do, alone in this big house.
Apparently he didn't want to answer my questions and I didn't want to talk to a ticking time bomb where you never knew how to behave.
Determined to bridge the time until tomorrow with reverie, I heaved myself up the stairs, ran to my room, closed the door and first cleared all the bags off the bed to make room.
Then, as I sat down on the edge and took a deep breath, I started looking for something to sleep in from the bags, which I quickly managed to do. Short white shorts and a tan tank top.
I changed my clothes, then snuggled under the covers and thought about the whole day again while staring at the white ceiling above me, lost in thought.
I still had a bad conscience towards Bene and after his story I suddenly saw Igor with different eyes. Where I previously thought that the guys here were all arrogant and shit, these two had shown me that it wasn't really like that.
In her eyes I saw the same pain that the lower ones all reflected in their irises. It wasn't the ideal world here either, as I had always thought.
Except for Silvan... I didn't get any further with him. Of course I thought it was really nice that he gave me a mobile phone and even allowed me to have contact with my brother, but that just wasn't enough for me and he had to understand that.
Add to that his arrogant way of talking about us inferiors...
Idiot!
Just as I was about to turn to the side to listen to the rain with my eyes closed, there was a very soft knock on the door, so soft that a normal person might not even have heard it.
I immediately sat up and peered at the door, only to hear a quiet "Yes?" to breathe.
"May I come inside?"
Before I even answered, I had to roll my eyes. I just wanted to sleep and get through the day and not start another conversation that would end in a fight.
Still, I just breathed a "yes" again and watched him quietly step into my darkened room.
At least he was wearing a white t-shirt now, so his muscles and tattoos wouldn't distract me.
Questioningly, I looked at him cross-legged as he walked towards me and sat down on the edge of my bed right in front of me.
"I'm tired of struggling with every conversation I have with you to somehow find common ground," he whispered, fidgeting with his hands while glancing over at me.
Excellent! And then those crazy butterflies flew through my stomach again! Insect spray on the bedside table would have been nice.
"You chose it that way," I replied, whereupon he turned completely to me and looked at me intently. "Well, I mean, if you could just allow me to see my brother, then this whole situation would be different."
He avoided my gaze again, looked down at his hands again and took a deep breath. I didn't know what his problem was, but it was just my brother. Besides, Viola said that Devin was her mate. Then why couldn't we all just get along?
"Do you know why your parents disappeared without a trace two years ago?" he then asked and I immediately looked at him in confusion, but he didn't take his eyes off his hands.
"Yes," I replied quietly, getting incredibly angry again at the memory.
Angry at him, his father, and everyone else up here. They had banished my parents for no reason... They had taken my mother from me...
Frustrated by these thoughts, I clenched my fists and reluctantly let out a low growl, which made him look over at me.
"What's that about?" he then asked calmly and took my hands in his, which calmed me down a bit.
"My parents are gone because of your father!"
The first tears gathered in my eyes and I wanted to free my hands from his, but he held me tight and looked deep into my eyes.
"You don't seem to know the whole truth," he then said and immediately let go of me to get up hastily.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked confused and wiped the tears from my face to stand up as well. Only I was slower because I had to watch out for my injury, which made me stagger briefly.
He stopped in the doorway with his back to me and I was immediately shocked to see that his whole body seemed to be shaking.
What was that again? In the meantime I was completely confused. After all, I was kidnapped, my brother mistreated and my parents rejected for no reason. So why was he pretending we were the bad guys?
"Good night, Jade," he said, but that was out of the question.
"Oh no!" I hissed angrily, limping over to stand right behind his back. "I finally want to know what's going on here! You explained to me that respect is important for you, but also for me, Silvan. I have the right to know what's going on here!"
He didn't give me any reaction, which made me growl softly again, which must have been a mistake.
He suddenly turned to me, grabbed my neck and pushed me against the wall next to the door. It didn't hurt. He didn't squeeze. But still I'm shocked. Not about his growing anger, but about the tears that suddenly ran down his cheeks...
"Silvan," I tried to calm him down and gently put my hands on his hand that was on my neck, whereupon he let go of me and let his head fall on my shoulder in exhaustion.
"I can't talk about it," he whispered in a trembling voice and pressed himself even closer to me as if he were looking for closeness and security.
It broke my heart to see him like this and I quickly hugged his body and rubbed his back soothingly.
What just happened?
We just stood there for a while.
I held him, gently stroking his trembling back as he placed his hands on my hips. His breathing was even, just like mine, and our hearts were pounding together, which somehow felt beautiful, even as the deep pain his tears caused rushed through my entire body.
I never would have thought that he could arouse something like sympathy in me, because actually I didn't want to feel anything for him. He hurt me too much for that...
"Sorry," he then whispered softly after lifting his head from my shoulder and just looking at me.
His black hair fell slightly over his forehead. Looked even better messed up than when he had them styled back.
The dark eyes studied me and in that silent moment I didn't know what to do or what to say. So I just didn't do anything except look him in the eyes as deep as he did mine.
My hands rested quietly on his side, his still tight on my waist. The rain was beating against the window pane and only the light that shone from the hallway through the slightly open door gave me a glimpse of his beautiful face.
The perfect moment for the first kiss, at least it would have been like that in a romantic movie, but this was the reality and in this one, after everything that had happened, I didn't want to let him get to me so easily, even if I didn't want anything else than taste the taste of his lips.
Again I felt torn in my thoughts. Confused about my feelings and the longer I looked at him, the more tempted I got to get closer to him.
Without really being able to control it, I lifted my good foot to make myself a little taller. Noticing the gesture, he looked into my eyes in confusion, only to let his eyes flick across my lips for a moment.
This moment seemed to be full of emotions. unspoken thoughts. I knew exactly what he was thinking. Knew he was thinking about kissing me too, but probably wouldn't dare again after I'd turned him down so many times.
Should I take the first step?
I swallowed hard and started biting my lip nervously, then took a deep breath to close my eyes as I tilted my face a little closer to his.
His breath hit my skin, his grip on my waist tightened, and my heart was pounding so hard I was getting a little dizzy. It would happen...
"Silla!!!", I suddenly heard a loud voice from below and opened my eyes in shock. Silvan also seemed completely irritated and frozen for a moment, until he jerked away from me and hurriedly disappeared into the hallway.
I clutched my racing heart and shook my head slightly. Should I be glad we were disturbed? It all happened so fast... This strong attraction I could hardly resist. She made my life even more chaotic than it already was.
"What are you thinking of skipping a meeting?!?!" I heard that dark, menacing voice that probably belonged to a man again.
Curious as I was, I slipped quietly into the hallway and continued listening.
"I'm sorry. I had things to do," Silvan explained and for the first time I noticed something like fear in his otherwise self-assured voice.
"Oh yes? And that would be??? Viola said you found your mate. Is it too much to ask to introduce her to me?!"
My heart almost stopped. It must be his father. The former alpha who banned people from this place for no reason. The man who watched our underlings get raped year after year and didn't do anything about it.
"Jade?" Silvan called me, but I just widened my eyes and stopped breathing in shock.
I really didn't want to go down there. Especially not in shorts and a tank top, both of which seemed very tight. For God's sake!!!
I nervously hopped back to the bed, but got caught on the carpet and fell straight to the floor with a loud bang.
"Damn it!" I cursed, rolling over to steady my aching knee.
"Jade?"
Silvan entered the room, gave me a startled look and then bent down in front of me to help me get back on my feet by the arm.
"I don't want to go down there," I whispered to him as I stood close in front of me again, but a loud knock on the open door made me wince and sent a shiver down my spine.
My gaze fell over to him. He was even a bit taller than Silvan, had his dark hair and dark eyes and seemed about to stare at me curiously.
I felt absolutely shitty, but quickly felt Silvan's hand taking mine, which calmed me down a little bit.
"You're not serious, Silla!", the man growled and twisted his expressionless face into a disgusted look. "She's Gabriel's girl, isn't she?"
How did he know my father's name?
I looked irritated at Silvan, who nodded to his father, letting go of my hand and standing in front of me.
"She has nothing to do with it!"
His father only got angrier about his statement and slowly my whole body began to tremble uncontrollably. If Silvan thought he had to put himself between me and his father, then this man really had something against me and my family.
"I don't care!!!", he suddenly screamed hatefully and took a step towards us, but Silvan growled so menacingly that the man stopped moving.
"But not me! You're no longer an alpha, I am! You have nothing more to say to me!"
I clung anxiously to Silvan's back and then felt his trembling, which was certainly triggered by his anger. I was so hot and cold at the same time and if I didn't know that the window behind me was made of bulletproof glass, I would have just jumped out and run away.
"You should be ashamed, Silla! Especially for Lisanna!"
I still stood at Silvan's back with my eyes closed and thought about this name. I had heard it before, I was sure of that, but I couldn't remember where.
Nor did I know what I, or my father, should have to do with her. In the end, all I knew was that I was closer to having a heart attack than I had ever been.
Only when I heard his footsteps moving away and after a while the front door slammed, did I hesitantly break away from Silvan and took a few excited breaths.
I could hardly calm down and Silvan was no help either, because he left the room shortly after his father without saying anything and left me completely confused again.