Chapter 32 Near S*icide Attempt

Chapter 32 Near S*icide Attempt


Lila’s POV: Near Sicide Attempt
I wandered at the bridge aimlessly. Nothing seemed to soothe the pain that spiraled inside me. It was nerve wracking, it hurt a lot.
But it hurt more because they were all true. Every single word.
Adrian and I were from way different worlds. Two poles apart and today seemed to be a harsh reminder. We had co existed in the same habitat all these while and I had forgotten what this was all about. A contract, he fucked me in return for all my success.
I was nothing without him. He was my sponsor and my entire career was built around his influence.
‘You are nothing but a gold digger. Rushing in to reap in a land you didn’t sew. A shameless vixen. What are you if my uncle didn’t build you up like the scrap you are?’
‘Such a shameless being. Did your parents ever raise you at all? True, you don’t have any. No wonder you ended up like the trash you are’
The harsh words of the Cole family sounded in my ears, making me sink deeper into my insecurities. My worthlessness becoming glaringly obvious. I stood in front of the bridge as I had a rethink.
What made me think that for a fleeting moment that Adrian’s family would accept me? A lowly actress with no one but her brother to rely on.
And then Ethan flooded into my memories. Growing up it had always been him and no one else. Whenever I was injured, whenever I cried, the good and the bad times, it was always him.
I remembered his words as he warned me about Adrian.
But that was the thing about him, perhaps I knew that Adrian was more of a sweet temptation that I wouldn’t be able to get rid of. The kind that made you question reality and freedom. Adrian was like the sun to me and I was the moon.
Only meeting in the shadows and nothing more. Never to officially be seen together. And it hurt, it hurt so much.
It hurt that we met in the wrong circumstances. It hurt that he was from a world I would never belong to. It hurt that I would never truly call him mine. It hurt that he would never boldly accept him.
Why would he even accept me? We met on a freaking sx app. Who would ever want an escort as a partner?
And it freaking hurt that I was in love with him. Yes, I was in love with Adrian Cole, the man who had sheltered me, protected me, and had claimed me. There was nothing to hide when it came to the both of us. Adrian knew me. In and out. More than my own brother did.
But what was the use of that now? It wasn’t possible he would fall out with his own father and the entire family for my sake. The thought alone made me laugh at myself. That was the height of my delusions.
I looked at the night sky, the moon shining in all it’s brightness. Maybe it was just me but the moon sure looked lonely tonight.
“You miss your sun too, huh?”
I whispered to no one in particular. I looked back at the cars that passed along the road. Each going on their merry way. I looked back down at the river below.
I could imagine the headlines in my head;
‘Actress Lila Monroe drowns herself after being unable to handle the harsh criticism online’
‘Rumors about the budding romance between Actress Lila Monroe and Nicholas Cole are proven fake as Actress drowns herself due to the heartache and curses from the neitizens’
‘Below is a picture of Lila’s body’
All sorts of headlines popped up in my head as I imagined how my funeral would go. Ethan wouldn’t cry but he was likely to stay at my tomb the longest, Rena would ball her eyes out. Nicholas would try to cheer everyone up while hiding his own pain. Both of us had bonded well these past few days.
But would Adrian do? Would he mourn? Probably not. He would eventually end up with someone his family had picked out specially for him.
That particular thought strengthened my resolve. I couldn’t watch him another woman together. Watch him gaze at another woman the way he had once gazed at me. His raw, emotional gaze, filled with pure lust.
Knowing he would fuck her the way he had fucked me once.
I couldn’t bear it. I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. The thought sent a searing pain through me as I held onto the rail bars and slowly climbed up.
Slow and steady, one foot at a time. Soon, soon everything will end.
My time with Rena flashed in my head as our memories popped up in my head.
“Cupcake, would you love to be Draculora while I be Frankeinstein for Halloween?”
“Cupcake, do you want strawberry or chocolate?”
“Cupcake… Cupcake… Cupcake”
Ethan’s voice slowly took over as I remembered the time he had called me jealous after I had hinted on him forgetting me after he found a girlfriend.
Then there was Nicholas, following me up and down while calling me Sister. Apparently he wouldn’t tell me what Adrian had told him about the dynamics of our relationship. But it appeared that he didn’t know the truth, otherwise we wouldn’t be close at all.
And then there was Adrian. Would he judge me if he found out I had jumped over the bridge. I doubt so.
His memories took over as I held onto the rail and crossed over, allowing his entire memories with me to replay while I still had the chance.
‘Princess, what are your favorite flowers?’
‘What does my Princess want?’
‘Your wish is my command Princess’
‘Ask me anything you want, I promise to answer you honestly’
Did you love me? Was it only a contract between us? Would you miss me?
Swallowing the thoughts I would never get to ask again in this lifetime, I silently prayed my next life would be better.
Let me be the one who was so influential that your family would have no other choice to accept me.
I closed my eyes as I let go and felt gravity pull me down, this was the end.
Or so I thought.
“Princess!!!”
Adrian yelled as he held onto my arm, tears pulling out his eyes. Was I in a dream?