Chapter 42 BEING VULNERABLE WITH HER.
42.
~KIMBERLY~
"It's fucking crazy now that I'm thinking about it. I had my first attempt when I was in high school and performed the second CPR on my mom within two weeks. She was so out of it, she was angry, mad at everyone and would curse me out for making her meals. I still don't know why she was horrible to me at the beginning but it killed me." Rafael chuckles ruefully, his shoulder trembles and tears lace his eyes.
But I let him continue, because it will be stupid of me not to let him let it all out and ease the burden off him.
"But years later, she started warming up to me, she would smile at me, there was a time I even started counting the times my mom smiled at me, it was so precious, and she was beautiful, she was very kind before everything turned bleak, it was horrible, Kim. Fuck." He growl harshly and tears finally streaks down Rafael's eyes.
My lips quiver at how vulnerable he is with me, he looks so bare, not the enraged man who talked to me last night, it seems like the facade has been shredded off him.
"Things started getting better, and she enjoyed Rowan's company so much, but I didn't know what happened, things went out of our control, she was in and out of hospitals, I grew to hate that antiseptic smell of the room, everything was draining us, the bills kept piling up and I was trying to complete my degree. And then, she died."
Unable to endure his sad tears, I wrap my hands around Rafael and pull him into a tight hug, not minding that I'm probably snuffing air out of him, but the urge to hold him precedes that.
He stiffens around me at first but slowly, Rafael let down his guard and wraps his hands around me.
The tears keep falling down my eyes, staining his clothes in the process.
"I'm so sorry you went through that, you didn't deserve it. It wasn't your fault she died, and I'm sorry there was no one to pull you out of it, I'm sorry, Rafael." I blabber, crying into his arms carelessly.
"Fuck, Kimberly." Rafael mumbles, tugging me closer to him, he rests his jaw in the middle of my head and we stay there for a long time.
After a while, Rafael let go of me and stare at me keenly, he smile softly as he clean my tears and tuck my hair to the back of my ears slowly.
"I'm sorry about yesterday, I know you didn't have anything to do with Jimmy, but I was so angry you lied to me, and I'm sorry I didn't give you the opportunity to talk it out before I had you like that."
"It's fine, I know you didn't..."
"I won't do that again, I mean, hurting you in that manner. I promise." He assures, stroking my cheek.
I nod in response to what he said, at least, he didn't say anything about us not doing it again or how he was sorry about us having sex and call it a mistake.
"I'm making some food, do you want some?" Rafael asks, bringing my hands down from his waist slowly, his voice suddenly husky and jaw tightens.
"Are you not going to work?" I clear my throat, trying to make the atmosphere less awkward.
He's maintaining his boundaries for now. I should let him do that.
Rafael shakes his head and gives me a smile that doesn't go pass his lips.
"No, I don't think I can handle going to the office yet, My lawyers found out that I went for a therapy session and they will start grilling me about it all so they can prepare a solid argument."
"Do you want me to go with you? I can..."
"Sure, I'd appreciate that. You can just come over after school tomorrow."
"No problem."
I watch him bring out plastic plates containing ingredients from the fridge including vegetables, fruits, and protein.
Grabbing the protein, I tear the nylon used to cover it and place it inside a warm water to defreeze while Rafael starts working on cutting up the veggies.
"Do you cook for your past girlfriends?" I blurt, his hands freeze against the knife and vegetables immediately.
He turns to me, his lips curls up in amusement."Why do you always grow the sudden urge to talk about my past girlfriends?"
I shrug, trying to make the discussion as nonchalant as it comes but curiosity is eating me up.
"You definitely learned cooking from trying to please them after sex."
"I cook for you before we ever had sex, and I always try to do the cooking bexause yours is horrible as hell." He mocks.
Snorting, I continue defrosting the chicken aimlessly.
"I've never brought any of my past girlfriends home. Our meeting ends on the bed, and I definitely didn't learn cooking from them, I had to learn how to cook because of Mom." Rafael answers, his expression as plain as usual.
I press my mouth in regret, Gosh, this darn mouth of mine. "Rafael, I'm sorry I reminded you of her again."
He shakes his head immediately."No, I like talking about my Mom, although, not the bad aspect but I think talking about it with you today eased the burden off me a little."
Heaving in relief, I bring out the semi hard chicken from the bowl, Rafael grabs it from me and starts cutting it up.
"I'm so proud of you, You know that?"
His deep timbered laugh wafts in the whole room the moment I say that."I'm not sure about that, you called me an asshole."
"Ra..."
"Thank you, Kimberly. I know I don't say it often but I'm really glad you're here, even if this isn't a conventional arrangement, it's such a relief that I get to have someone stay by my side for once."
My eyes water immediately and I blink back stupid tears. Fuck, I shouldn't cry."Thank you too, Rafael."