Chapter 41 I HAVE HAD THE THOUGHT ONCE.
41.
~KIMBERLY~
I manage to push myself away from Rafael the moment he slips out of me, in case he wants to continue again.
Gosh, I feel so hot and pained, my whole body is so sore and red already.
Grabbing my top, I place it on my dripping vagina to not mess the floor further and lay on my arms, facing the wall to catch my breath and gather some strength to go back to my room.
"Hey." Rafael croaks out, the sounds of his belt creaking as he dresses himself up floods my ear.
"I'm good, I will get some post pills, you don't have anything to worry about." I ramble out, still not facing him.
"I'm not worried about anything, Kim." He scoffs in a vexing tone and pick up his shirt which is right beside me.
"Let me take you to your room." He offers but I shake my head immediately, turning him down.
What if he gets aroused again? I don't have the balls to deny him of sex. We're not doing this again, and he's using all the chances he can get to make tonight worth his while.
"I'm fine, I just need to catch my breath."
After a short pause, Rafael huffs out some breath."Yeah, good night."
I don't remember how long I stayed on the floor but when I woke up, I feel so much better, the soreness in between my legs is still much but it's easier to walk now.
Picking up my clothes, I limp to my room and head straight to the shower to clean the sperm and blood off me.
Tears find their way to my eyes again as the cold water hits my skin, not because of the physical pain but the ache ravaging in my heart. How did things turn upside down between us? We were so cordial last night and even bantered because of his dislike for tomatoes.
What happened so fast? Whatever change that we just experienced tonight, I don't want to go through it again.
After making sure that my body is squeaky clean, I retire to the bedroom to grab some sleep.
~NEXT MORNING~
The sun has risen by the time I wake up in the morning, I grab my phone on my bedside, surprisingly, It's already eleven.
Gosh, how much did I sleep? The ache in between my legs has reduced drastically but it still lingers a little, just that it's barely unnoticeable from my walk which is all good.
I don't want to be limping around the house especially when Rafael is there. I hope he's already gone to the office, I'm not ready to face him yet. Getting up from the bed, I pick up a large top and throw it over my shorts and step downstairs to make coffee.
There's no sign of him making anything for himself this morning which is quite unusual, or is he still around?
Shaking the incredulous thought, I quickly make myself a cup of coffee and nurse it over the toast bread I made, reminiscing about what happened last night.
Rafael looked so messed up and barely getting his shit together, does this mean that he do have suicidal thoughts from time to time?
The thought of Rafael killing himself is so unsettling, he had so much going for him at work, he can't just do that, right?
But what if the work is what is dragging him down? The fear of losing everything he used his sweat to gather?
Gosh, that must be so scary, I truly can't relate with him and it's such a stupid idea of wanting to help him in the first place without talking to him first.
The door to the kitchen suddenly opens, putting an abrupt end to my train of thoughts, surprisingly, It's Rafael, he's dressed in long black pants and a blue light top, his eyes look quite sunken and hair disheveled, yet, he still manage to look so beautiful and breath taking.
How did this man manage to be the most beautiful specie of men I've come across in my life? I know it's beyond the physical, it's something so much deeper.
I run a quick stare over his long muscled body, the memory of how he rammed into me from behind, right between my laps and on the floor trickles into my head. I still can't believe we had sex last night,and it wasn't the cozy sweet one couples do have.
This man fucked me like a train and ruined my body in the process.
"Uhmmm,Hi." I stutter, gripping the cup in between my fists tightly.
"Hey." He mumbles in a barely audible tone and opens the fridge, Rafael brings out a chilly cold of water and uncap it.
He's about to place it in his mouth but I'm quick enough to grab it from him.
Rafael stares at me, a surprised look lurking on his face, yeah, I must be crazy.
"It's cold, I will get you some warm water." I ramble clumsily and rush to the water dispenser to get him a cup of warm hot water.
Returning, Rafael is still there, staring at me like a drenched goat but he collects the cup from me and chug down the whole content like a feral animal.
"I messed up yesterday. And I'm terribly sorry for lying to you, I shouldn't have done that, you didn't deserve it." I blurt out, keeping my hopes alive that Rafael will give me an audience this morning.
He sighs and rubs on his forehead tiredly."Kim,I..."
"Please, hear me out. I promise not to take much of your time." I plead.
Resignedly, Rafael nods and stares down at the empty cup, his expression hardens a bit.
"A man called Norman came to see me yesterday and..."
"Wait." He cut me off in a sharp tone, his eyes glints in surprise and a sheer vulnerability.
Me meeting Norman means I know about his mental state and he doesn't want that.
"Yeah, he introduced himself to me as your former therapist but he betrayed you, and that son of a bitch wasn't apologetic about it." I huff, suddenly feeling the urge to pull his hair out.
A small smile tips Rafael's lips and my heart skips a bit.
"Did you find out about everything?" He asks, fear pinches his tone and his facial features hikes up in anxiety so I quickly shake my head to diffuse his mood
"No, not at all. But i knew you weren't fine, that's why you went to see a therapist and that said a lot about your mood and the side effects of the drugs." I blabber on and on but he rests his eyes keenly on me with interest.
He doesn't look mad, but he's intrigued which is a good sign."I stopped taking them, they weren't working, I guess my head was too messed up to be cured by some pills." Rafael chuckles in dark humor but his body tenses immediately.
"Rafael,I..."
"I was diagnosed with clinical depression months after my Mom died but I knew that I had it in me before then, even before I could decipher my emotions, most of the time, I feel fogged, my brain shuts down and it feels like I would lose my breath. Everything spiraled out of my control, except the drive to make money, I was so buried with work that I didn't know that every other part of my life was shutting down." He swallows nothing and his throat bobs in difficulty, his sunken eyes start to redden and his jaw clenches hard but I don't say anything. I want him to let it all out with me without shying away like he always does.
"And when Mom died, it felt like I lost all purpose, I was so deep in the mess going on in my head, and I had issues with my tech startup then, things were so hard and I had the thought for the second time but this time it was much worse."
The thought? Wait does he mean...
He stares at me in a knowing look, a gasp erupts from me in realization.
Jesus Christ. For how long did this man manage to rein it all in? How come I didn't realize?