Chapter 42: Search for her

Alan's POV

I should've let her go. That thought wouldn't leave me.

If I hadn't come on this trip, none of this would've happened.

Milie and I wouldn't have gotten this close.

Dax wouldn't have snapped.

And whatever they had would've stayed untouched, happy, and unbroken.

Every moment from today replayed in my head like a cruel loop.

Her laughter, her running on the beach, her arms around me, and that kiss.

My fingers unconsciously brushed the spot on my cheek where she had kissed me.

Like I could still feel it. Like it meant something.

And then— Dax. He ruined everything in seconds.

The way he spoke to her, the way he grabbed her—I had to look away.

Because if I hadn't, I would've lost control.

But I stayed quiet for her.

Because I knew— One wrong word against him, and she would never forgive me.

"Dax, don't get him involved." Her voice echoed in my head.

She chose me. Not in words. But in instinct, and that was enough.

I sat at the edge of the bed, my hands clasped, trying to make sense of everything.

"If Dax confessed, everything would change."

Every possibility for Milile and me that had begun to take shape in my head was shattered, just like that.

Just then, a loud thud of footsteps pulled me out of my thoughts.

Sammy burst into the room, breathing heavily.

"Alan—please—help me find Milie."

I was on my feet instantly. "What happened?"

"She ran," he said, running his hand through his hair, panic written all over his face. "I went after her but… she's gone. I can’t find her anywhere."

My chest tightened.

"She’s not in a state to be alone," he continued, his voice shaking. "This… this was too much for her."

"Did Dax… tell her?" I asked carefully, my heart already heavy.

Sammy looked at me, startled. "You knew?"

I didn't answer, and his frustration broke through. "God, I'm such an idiot."

"Hey," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to sit down. "Calm down. We'll find her."

But my own heartbeat was anything but calm.

Images flooded my mind—She had fainted for me, had broken down for me, had lost control.

Now this was Dax. What condition would she be in?"

"What if she fainted on the road. No!" I shut my eyes tightly, forcing the thoughts away.

"Sammy, listen to me," I said, keeping my voice steady despite the storm inside me. "She’ll be okay. I’ll find her."

He nodded, though his eyes were still clouded with fear.

"I'll look for Dax," he said after a pause. "You find her."

I didn't wait another second.

I ran out of the house, past the patio, across the road, scanning every corner, every alley.

My heartbeat pounded in my ears.

This place wasn't familiar. It wasn't safe enough for someone in her state.

"Where are you, Mils…" I muttered under my breath.

And then it hit me—the beach.

I turned and sprinted as fast as I could.

The sand slowed me down, but I didn't stop.

When I reached—It was empty, too empty, too scary.

Panic crept in. My heart thudded even faster.

"This is good," I told myself. "It's quiet. She'll be here. She has to be."

I scanned the shoreline. Nothing. There was no sign of her.

My hope started slipping, until—A scream tore through the silence.

My heart jumped into my throat. "Milie?"

And there came another scream, louder. I followed the sound, my feet moving faster than my thoughts.

Around the far end near the trees, I finally saw her.

Crumbled against the bushes, motionless and broken, worse than I had seen her the last time.

For a second, everything inside me froze, and I couldn't move.

Then reality snapped back, and I ran.

I dropped to my knees beside her, quickly pulling out my phone and calling Sammy, my voice low and urgent as I told him where she was.

"Milie—"

My voice came out rough.

She turned her face slowly toward me.

And it didn't look like hers.

For the first time since I met her, I was scared.

Not of losing her to someone else.

But of losing her completely.

Slow tears slipped from the corners of her eyes.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay calm, and lowered myself beside her.

"Do you know what’s common between us?" I asked gently.

No response.

I pulled her head carefully and rested it against my chest, wiping her tears with my thumb.

"We love too deeply," I murmured. "The kind where… we'd give everything without thinking. Our happiness depends on them. Their smile makes us ten times happier… and their pain?" I swallowed. "It breaks us."

I paused.

"For me… it's my mom. My Nana."

I didn't say her name. I didn't need to.

"And for you… it’s your friends."

Her eyes lifted slowly to mine, filled to the brim.

"I love him," she whispered. "I love him so much…" Her voice cracked.

"But not like that."

She shook her head, pressing her eyes shut as if trying to erase the thought.

"I can't… I can't imagine him that way, Alan."

Her fingers clutched my shirt.

"How could he do this?" she cried softly. "How could he break my trust?"

I had no answer for it.

Because anything I said would change something between us.

If I spoke in Dax's favor, I might push her away from me.

If I spoke against him, I wouldn't be the man I wanted to be.

For a moment, I just held her, letting her cry.

And for the first time, I realized this wasn't just about choosing words.

It was about choosing who I was willing to lose.