Chapter 155: Freed
“If.. If I stayed with you any longer, I will make you miserable like me, I will ruin your life too, please, Zaviyaar,”
Hugging my knees, bearing the immense pain in my body, I joined my hands before him in a begging manner.
I pleaded with him to grant us redemption which made his breaths hitch.
“I… know. As long as you will stay with me, you can never recover. You can never become better… I know.. I know it…”
Curling his shaking hands in a fist, a powerless emitted from him as he started speaking slowly.
“Please, don’t take away my reason to stay. I am your sinner, your culprit, I know but-”
But then, gritting his teeth, he shouted painfully, unable to look into my eyes.
“-But I still don’t want you to go!”
With a stinging sensation, I was forced to stop my cries when a few tears rolled down his cheek, grabbing my arms harshly to yank me forward.
“I can’t watch you leave, Aalifa! Why don’t you get it!?”
“Why don’t you get it!? A bond based upon sins can never last!?”
I yelled back, losing my composure, reminding him of the harsh realities we forcefully turned oblivious towards.
“This bond is meaningless, our love, this marriage, our emotions. Everything is baseless.”
“So let’s end this, Zaviyaar. I cannot see us together,” I whispered, knowing that it probably hurt him beyond comprehension.
“Aalifa, please, please,”
“If we were meant to be, fate will collide our paths again but it is impossible to continue right now,”
Averting my gaze, I could only give him a fake consolation. He opened his mouth to plead with me but words disappeared.
“Zaviyaar, please, I beg you… let me go.”
“I was seriously not in my correct senses when I agreed for this marriage, when I came back, when I got pregnant.” I continued in a sob, hoping he could apprehend the circumstances.
“I can’t do this, I am sorry, I am so sorry, I can’t, please,”
To my delicate whimpering, he stared intensely into my soul with a weakened state, lips quivering, a pure desperation etched on his hardened features.
Losing his grip on me slowly, very slowly, his eyes were wide, body convulsing with a pant to keep his posture together as he let out a barely audible tone.
“Is that what you want?”
Nodding sorrowfully, I never imagined parting with the one I loved but being together was impossible too.
“Yes…”
And we pulled away from probably our last touch.
“Let me go… please.”
Taking his heaviest breath, he looked down with gleaming tears and a dead gaze. Clutching the sheet from powerlessness, he gave a feeble nod.
“Okay…”
Before I could utter another sound, he merely rose from the bed and walked away, leaving me all alone in my miserable thoughts to curse myself and my choices that showed me this day.
Because no matter what, we couldn’t argue that if we stayed together, it was not going to work.
Not returning or coming to see my face again nor did I dare to come out and witness everyone’s face. I bet they must be resenting me, they would be hating me.
But, I couldn’t continue this bond. I knew my decision was harsh but it had to be done.
After the funeral, Papa came to see me. The disappointment on his face was immense. Obviously he believed the fake story and to think-
I was going to leave the man for whom Asim killed himself.
“Is it because of the miscarriage?” He frowned with an indirect glare on me as I was looking down in dejection.
“No.” I shook my head weakly.
“Then?”
I uttered a weak sound, “I can’t live with him anymore,”
“Are you sure about this?”
I nodded, “Yes,”
Papa snapped, “Why?!”
I flinched when he lost himself in rage, the anger of finding me always doing everything wrong in my life, never reaching a happy point.
“What is your problem?!”
A tear pricked in my eyes along with a heaviness, my eyes were hollow, pain flicked but nothing could fix our state.
“First you left Asim for Zaviyaar. Your affair made him kill himself and now you are divorcing him too?” He hissed, clearly infuriated with me.
“I made wrong choices, I sinned. One could never be happy after destroying others. I have realized that,” I whispered weakly, failing to meet his outraged glare.
“I accept that I lost my morales, my integrity and myself the day I chose fame over you guys. I had done nothing right in my life since,”
Sniffling to suppress my tears, I held Papa’s hands to plead with him.
“That is why, I am begging you, Papa. For the last time, forgive me and take me away, I can’t stay here,”
He opened his mouth to say something harsh but after seeing me like this, he stopped. Sighing, he pulled me into his chest and rubbed my back.
“But, at least tell me what happened? Did Zaviyaar do something? Why?”
“I… feel scared. I feel horrible, I just want to be away. I can’t carry on anymore,” I confessed.
Nodding, he pulled back and held my shoulders in a firm grip, “Aalifa, you are thinking about taking a big step. I am asking you for the final time. Are. you. Sure?”
I paused. Taking a moment to study my thoughts but all my perceptions were leading me to one answer.
“Yes,”
“I have done nothing good in my life, I will do anything you guys will say but please take me away. I don’t want to stay here,” I whispered sadly, resenting all the actions I had made in my entire life.
“Do you hate Zaviyaar?”
I shook my head in denial with dead eyes, “No, I hate myself. These were my choices, my actions, my feelings.”
“What about his feelings?”
With tears brimming in my eyes, my lips curled in a hysterical smile. With a never ending sting traveling to my core, I decided to degrade myself.
“When I could forget Asim then I will forget him too,”
I knew I couldn’t, he had intoxicated my breaths yet I must force myself to do that.
“I knew you are mourning and I am sorry to say this, Aalifa,” “But you are the worst daughter, wife and partner,”
“I know,” I chuckled with a tear rolling down.
Hugging my knees close to my chest, we remained in my room, waiting for Asad. I could feel my heartbeats increasing ten fold, my body was becoming immobilized.
Should I?
‘Do not forget, Aalifa, this happened because of you. Your demeanor scared him, you provoked him to take a dangerous step. You indirectly caused all this,’