Chapter 79: Let Him, Let Them

“Do you still want to know even though it’s really bad?” Chad’s question hung in the air. Stacy gulped. She knew it. It must be really bad if the whole world decided to keep it from her, hoping that she would forget whatever it was, forever.

However, there was this feeling of uneasiness. It felt empty and weird to not have any information at all. She needed to know but at the same time, she’s afraid. She’s not sure if she was ready to learn about the truth of the situation she didn’t know the intensity of. What if she couldn’t take it?

She had to take the responsibility, to make sure she would be able to take it if she wanted to know, just like how they should not keep things from her, to let her have a choice whether she wanted to learn about that information. When the choice was really in her hand, she started to feel the weight of it. She wanted to chicken out. Maybe it’s for the best for some things to be forever forgotten. But at the same time, she wanted to hold on to it. It’s her memory after all. She had to know.

Chad waited patiently as he watched her trapped in her internal dilemma. Finally, she took a deep breath. “Yes,” her voice came out soft, “I want to know.”

She held his hand, looking right into his eyes. “Promise me, you won’t keep things from me. I want to know exactly what the situation is.”

He nodded. “I promise you.” A small smile graced her lips. “I want to know, but not tonight,” she said, “many things had happened today. I’m tired.”

She allowed herself to show vulnerability. She wanted to trust him. Chad looked down at her. Her eyelids were drooping and she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. Tilting her head to look at Chad, she gave him a lazy smile. “Promise me you will tell me tomorrow, will you?” Her voice was soft.

“I will,” he whispered, “now let’s get you to bed.”

Right on cue, her body sagged on him. He bent down to carry her princess-style as he took steady steps in the direction of the clubhouse.

Somewhere on the way back, she woke up. They were at the gate. She raised her head to look at the surroundings before resting her head back into the crook of his neck. She knew that everyone could see them but she didn’t care.

He told her they were a thing. She held on to it. ‘He’s mine,’ she thought, ‘look all you want.’ She could feel eyes on her even when she wasn’t looking.

Chad didn’t stop. He continued taking steady steps to wherever he was bringing her. She didn’t even look. Let him. It’s too tiring to always be on guard and doubt someone she obviously wanted to trust. He could distort the truth and make her believe what he wanted her to. Let him. The people around them were all watching her, thinking all kinds of things, whatever those were. Let them.

She focused on the warmth of his body and the way she felt safe with him around. Slowly, she drifted back to sleep. It’s her decision. No matter what, she wouldn’t regret it when she woke in the morning.

Chad brought her up to her room. Gently, he placed her on the bed. She was out cold. He tugged her under the blanket and watched her sleeping features. He promised her he would tell her everything tomorrow. She would know the truth. Would she still sleep as peacefully after remembering everything?

The image of her curled up at the corner, looking into the distance came to his mind. He tried to shake it off. ‘She’s strong,’ he tried to convince himself.

He grabbed a first aid kit and started cleaning her wound. The image of her standing between him and the tree came to his mind. ‘What was she thinking, being so reckless?’ If he couldn’t control his anger or his strength, it could have been worse. Did she really trust him that much? Was she really convinced that he wouldn’t hurt her when she placed her hand on his shoulder when he was hitting Matt? Did she have even an ounce of doubt when she stopped him from hurting himself further?

Probably not. She looked calm. Too calm, it scared him. He knew the look. She always had it in the past. The look that said she’s officially disconnected from any emotions and from the world. Nothing could faze her in that situation. That’s the way she protected herself, the way she guarded herself from the world.

His heart ached just by thinking about it. ‘I have no choice,’ the way she said it as tears rolled down her cheeks, it made his heart twist in pain.

Instead of leaving, he sat by her bed and watched her a little while longer. He wanted to capture this moment, wanted to carve her peaceful features into his mind. He was afraid that he would never see it again.

After what felt like an eternity, he stood up to leave. He wanted to stay longer, but he needed rest as well. It had been a busy day and he needed to be mentally prepared for what was to come tomorrow. Not only did Stacy need to prepare herself, he needed the courage as well. How would he break it all to her?

It felt wrong to stay as well. It’s true that he joked about their relationship to tease her and she seemed to be taking it really well. It still felt wrong. Even when he enjoyed their interactions, he thought she needed to know the truth and decide for herself.

He couldn’t say that he had completely gotten over Sofia’s death. And now he desires someone else. That should make him an official jerk. What’s the difference between him and Matt?

He mulled the question repeatedly as he drifted to sleep that night.