Chapter 107: The What Ifs

Chapter 107: The What Ifs
“What?” Stacy blinked up at him. “You said we never made it official,” he replied, “what does it take to make it official for you?”
Her heart warmed. She pulled away from him to look at his face. “I don’t need all that, Chad,” she gave him a sincere smile, “I need them no more.”
“I want you to be happy,” he said. “Just tell me what to do. I’ll try my best to make it happen. But you have to tell me cause I’m really bad at this. As you can see, I’m the leader of a gang with the rule that the members should never under any circumstances bring their female counterparts to the clubhouse.”
Stacy chuckled. “And yet, Nelly and I are in the clubhouse.” Chad quickly shook his head. “Nelly is Neil’s sister. She’s family. And you..”
Their eyes locked. “You are not just my other half. You are a part of the gang. You are also a part of the family.” Her heart summersaulted. He claimed their relationship and acknowledged her position in the gang in just a few simple sentences, yet her heart skipped a few beats. So that’s the feeling of having a partner and a family.
For unknown reasons, she was so moved by it. She simply couldn’t control the tears forming at the edge of her eyes. Chad’s brows furrowed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Stacy blinked back the tears and shook her head. “Nothing. I don’t know why,” she stopped to laugh it off, “I’m so happy.”
He successfully mentioned something that was deep in her heart. Maybe it was what she had been looking for her whole life – the sense that she belonged.
Chad realized what was happening a beat later. There was a sour feeling in his heart as he pulled her close. She should never have experienced any of those things that happened in her past. Nobody should. It’s simply too horrible.
Stacy looked up at him, a mischievous smile on her face. “Does that mean that you’ve never dated anyone else?” She thought that the answer was pretty obvious but the subtle change in his expression said otherwise.
His face fell but he quickly masked it. There must be a story behind it, she was certain. ‘You just have to run your mouth!’ She mentally scolded herself.
“I did,” his voice was quiet as he said it. “Oh,” she replied, trying to not let the disappointment heard in her voice. She was expecting more context but he didn’t elaborate further. He simply drew mindless circles on her arm as his attention drifted elsewhere. She pretended not to notice.
She didn’t know what was happening. She didn’t know what happened in the past. It was frustrating that she didn’t have her memory. Just when she started to think that losing her memory might be a good idea, and just when she was about to accept that it was alright to not have her memories back, he made her doubt it.
She turned her head away from him in the pretense of looking at the river, all the while trying to convince herself that she was overthinking. She tried to rile in the turmoil trying so hard to break through the surface. Somehow, she knew that he was doing the same. ‘Do not cry. Do not break down. Do not show any emotions,’ she repeatedly chanted to herself.
“You’re doing that thing again,” his voice brought her back to reality. “What?” She was confused, “what did I do?” “The overly calm facade you put on whenever you feel like breaking down,” he said gently.
The breeze blew past them, bringing away the silence that settled. He gently tugged a strand of hair back behind her ear. “I did that?” She tried to smile.
“You’ve been through a lot,” he said quietly, “but know that you don’t have to be strong in front of me.” She remained quiet and listened, neither agreeing nor contradicting his words. “Tell me what is in your mind.”
She took a deep breath as her eyes settled on the calm surface of the water. “I’m thinking, what if I have my memories?” She turned to look at him. “I couldn’t answer the question I asked you earlier. Even if I had someone in my life before, I had no recollection of them. Not that it mattered, because it’s all in the past. We are the present, and this is all that matters. But somehow, it made me think, if I could forget someone so thoroughly, say, if that person really existed, would it be possible I forget about us sometime in the future? It scared me to just think about it.”
“You won’t,” he assured, “I’ll make sure that you never forget me.” He gave her a small smile and the words sounded like a promise.
“I realized that I know nothing about you. Those memories in the past, I had no idea what happened. You seem to still be troubled by your past relationship,” she tried to not frown when she said, “I can’t stop myself from thinking, what if the information in that memory about you is important?”
“I can tell you about the past if you want,” he suggested, “but I’m not sure what kind of important information you are referring to.”
“I don’t know.. like, maybe I knew your ex.. or something that happened in your past relationship. Worse if it involves me.” He chuckled, “no, none of that happened.”
Her eyes widened. “What if I’m the one that broke both of you up? Maybe I tried to kill myself in the room because you were unwilling to leave her for me.”
Chad was amused. He flicked her forehead. “You have quite the imagination.” Her hand went to her forehead. “Ouch! It’s possible, isn’t it?”
“If that’s what happened, then why am I even talking to you now? If that’s what you did, I should’ve run as fast as I could whenever I see you,” Chad said in amusement, playing along with her wild imagination.
“You might feel guilty because I almost died. That’s why you broke up with her and vowed to take care of me for your whole life,” she raised her chin and said confidently. “Let’s say all of these are true,” Chad nodded, “what will you do now?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I’ll go back to the past and slap myself.”
Chad chuckled. “You don’t have to. All of those things never happened.”
Stacy grinned at him. “Then, what happened?”