Chapter 62: Losing Control

The wind blew quite strongly, making my hair flutter in the direction of the gusts hitting me. My hands tightened around Kenn’s waist as his motorcycle sped along at a terrifying speed.

I didn’t know where we were, and I had no idea where he was taking me. Ever since we left the school grounds, Kenn seemed to have lost control. He rode his motorcycle without caring about anyone behind him.

"Slow down, Kenn! You could get us hurt!" I screamed wildly while hitting his shoulder repeatedly. "Kenn, listen to me!"

I had been shouting in panic and pounding on his shoulder, trying to get him to reduce his speed, but Kenn seemed not to hear and instead made the motorcycle go even faster.

"Where are you going? Kenn, stop!" my voice broke as it was battered by the wind.

I began to curse my own decision. How could I be this foolish to go along with his wish to talk outside earlier? This was no longer just a conversation, this was a suicide attempt.

I shut my eyes as tightly as possible while my heart pumped faster from the overwhelming fear.

The sound of horns blared from every vehicle we passed.

"Oh God." I muttered in panic. "People must think we don’t care about our lives anymore."

I tried to open my eyes slowly, but a second later it felt as if my eyes were about to pop out.

"Where is this?" I shrieked reflexively. "Why are there so many huge trucks?"

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I saw rows of massive trucks lining the road. Instead of slowing down, Kenn’s motorcycle went even faster, like a raging whirlwind.

"Kenn, what are you doing?" My voice trembled. "Are you trying to kill me?"

Oh God, please don’t take my life. If someone has to die, take the life of the guy in front of me instead, God….

I kept shutting and opening my eyes abruptly. Every time I opened them, I hoped Kenn’s motorcycle had already reached its destination. But that hope was always shattered.

"Stop, stop…," I whispered soundlessly.

Up ahead, two trailer trucks were driving side by side.

"Don’t, don’t be reckless…," I said softly.

I saw Kenn increase his speed.

"Kenn, don’t!"

He really did what I feared. Kenn took the narrow lane between the two trucks and sped up even more crazily. Every muscle in my body tensed, my teeth chattered violently. I didn’t even know whether I was trembling from the cold or from fear.

My eyes were fixed on the narrow space between the two trucks. The roar of the motorcycle engine grew louder as its speed surged.

"Don’t let it scrape, please don’t, God," I prayed silently.

When we were almost past both trucks, Kenn increased the speed again by shifting up a gear.

"He’s really gone crazy," I whispered.

I immediately shut my eyes tightly. I didn’t want to see anything anymore. Whether I lived or died, I didn’t care. My fear had reached its absolute limit.

I was scared half to death.

I didn’t know how long I had kept my eyes shut. But it felt like long enough.

With the little strength I had left, I forced my voice out.

"Stop! Please stop!!" I screamed with all my might, until my throat hurt.

"Get off. You’ve had your eyes closed for more than five minutes." Kenn’s voice sounded flat.

I jolted.

What? So we had already stopped all this time?

I opened my eyes slowly. It turned out it was true, the motorcycle had already stopped. However, my position hadn’t changed at all. My arms were still wrapped tightly around Kenn’s waist, while he himself was calmly smoking a cigarette.

Kenn is a smoker?

But I didn’t want to dwell on it. I immediately released my grip and got off, my anger overflowing.

"Are you crazy?" I snapped at him. "Are you tired of living?"

Kenn stayed silent.

"You recklessly overtook two trucks at once! Didn’t you think at all?" I continued, my voice trembling. "What if we had died back there? What would you have said to my grandparents?"

He remained quiet.

"Do you even know how scared I was?" My voice rose. "If you want to die, don’t involve me!"

Kenn said nothing, only tossing the remaining cigarette to the ground and crushing it under his foot until it went out.

My breath came in gasps from emotion. "Answer me, Kenn! Don’t just stay silent as if you didn’t do anything wrong!" I demanded again.

He lowered his head, his voice very soft. "I’m sorry."

"Sorry? Is that all?" I laughed bitterly, feeling unsatisfied. "I almost died of fear, and all you can say is one word, sorry?"

That apology should have surprised me. In all the time I had known him, Kenn had almost never said that word. But this time, a single apology was nowhere near enough to instantly calm my anger. I was still overwhelmed by emotion because of everything he had done.

I stared at him sharply. "‘Sorry’ isn’t what I want to hear, Kenn. I want an explanation."

"I really am sorry," Kenn said as he lowered his head even further. "I didn’t realize you were behind me."

What? Didn’t realize? Does he think I’m a ghost?

"The road earlier is where my older brother had an accident," he continued.

"What? Can you please be clearer, Kenn?" I could go crazy if I only heard half of the story.

Kenn let out a long sigh. He then moved to sit on a large rock beneath a shady tree. I followed him, but I chose to remain standing in front of him.

"The place where I sped up the motorcycle to overtake the two trucks earlier, that’s where my brother had his accident." Kenn began his story with an empty gaze. "And the cause of that accident was me."

I fell silent for a moment, trying to process his words.

"I’m not that surprised to hear it," I finally said. "With the terrifying way you were driving earlier, anyone could guess the risk. So where is your brother now? College?"

Kenn smiled bitterly, his gaze looking deeply wounded. "Yes, he should have started college this year. But that hope will never come true, ever."

"Why? Did he suffer a permanent disability so he couldn’t continue school?" I asked, my tone beginning to soften.

"My brother has passed away," Kenn said in a hoarse, restrained voice. "And technically, I’m the one who killed him."

"Don’t joke around, Kenn. That’s not funny at all. You must just be making up a story so I’ll feel sorry for you and stop scolding you," I refuted, even though my heart was starting to feel uneasy.

"I’m not joking! Why would I lie about my own brother’s life?" Kenn suddenly looked up, his eyes red from holding back emotion.

"But ... it was an accident, right? You didn’t really intend to kill him," I said softly, beginning to feel horrified.

"For everyone else, it was an accident. But for me, it was premeditated murder that I committed because of my own stupidity."

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