Chapter 152: Losing One's Grip

Dusk began to creep down. The sun slowly sank, leaving streaks of reddish orange across the western horizon. The dim remaining light touched the two gravestones before me, stones that now immortalized the names Fredasari and Elfarezi Prasetyo.

Grandpa and Grandma were true worshippers of dusk. I still remembered clearly Grandpa's words that if I wanted to see the charm of nature's beauty, then dusk was the most perfect time, at the end of the afternoon and the beginning of the night.

"Look at that sky, Frel. God is painting," Grandpa whispered at that time.

Grandma would always respond with an enthusiastic face, declaring that dusk was the most astonishing event in the sky.

"Its beauty is brief, but it leaves a mark forever," Grandma added while holding my hand.

"One day you will also understand why we love dusk so much," Grandpa said with a gentle smile.

"Because dusk teaches us about a beautiful farewell," Grandma said softly.

"And about accepting something that has to leave," Grandpa added in a calm tone.

I wondered in my heart, did the dusk back then hear all the praises they threw at it? Did the dusk now realize that its loyal admirers were gone?

"Do you also feel their loss?" I asked the passing wind.

The sound of rustling leaves could be heard from several directions, indicating that the mourners had begun to leave the cemetery area.

However, I remained standing without moving even a little, staring blankly at the two mounds of earth in front of me.

The whisper of the wind slipped gently, making the grass sway and dry leaves fall from the shady trees. Fragile flower petals fluttered carried by the wind, some touching my body and hair, bringing a cold sensation that I deliberately ignored.

I still stood motionless, without tears, without a sound. There was only fear and despair binding me tightly. I did not know where to step or what I should do. It felt like walking alone in the middle of darkness.

From the corner of my eye, I saw several people still staying there, including Mr. Aditya and Mrs. Viona. They were on the opposite side of the grave from me. I remained frozen in silence, having no desire to start any conversation.

Too many shocks had struck me today. I was unable to respond to all of these realities, or determine which part I should face first. My condition was very fragile, like a dry leaf that would crumble with just one step.

"Frel, be strong. You are not alone, Dear. You still have—"

"My family is only Grandma and Grandpa," I cut him off quickly when Mr. Aditya's voice began to be heard.

My gaze was still fixed on the two gravestones in front of me.

"No, Frel. I am your biological father. I am grateful that God chose you as my child."

I no longer heard Mr. Aditya's voice, but instead the restrained cry from Dara that broke the silence.

"What?!" Dara excited in shock.

"Biological father?" Tomi repeated in disbelief.

"Come with me, Frel. From now on we can live together."

The voice sounded closer. When I turned my head, Mr. Aditya was already standing at my right side, while Dara had been taken away by Tomi.

"Dara, calm down first," Tomi whispered while holding her shoulders.

"How can I calm down after hearing that?" Dara replied with a trembling voice.

Reflexively I stepped back until my back bumped into Kenn's chest.

"I'll join Tomi and Dara first," Kenn whispered from behind my back. "If you need me, just call."

I wanted to stop him, but my voice felt stuck in my throat.

"Don't be afraid, Frel. Let us go home together. At home I will explain everything. We can start everything again from the beginning."

My eyes widened. Hearing the word "home" made my entire body feel as if it was being showered with needles.

Where is my home? Wasn't my home forever my grandparents' residence? That was the place I considered heaven. Why would he dare to say that word?

"No." I shook my head hard. My chest rumbled and my breathing began to pant. "I will not go anywhere. You can leave now. I beg you, don't talk about that again. I don't want to discuss it."

"Frel, just listen to me for a moment," Mr. Aditya pleaded.

I stepped back two steps while covering both of my ears. "Please go. Don't make me hate you and Mrs. Viona even more," I continued in a faint voice.

"Let's go home. Maybe Frel needs time to be alone," Mrs. Viona said while touching her husband's shoulder.

"No. I will not leave Frel alone in a condition like this," Mr. Aditya replied stubbornly.

"In that case, I will be the one to leave, Sir," I said while walking as fast as I could. "Don't follow me!" I shouted without turning back again.

"Frel, wait! Listen to my explanation first!"

I kept walking, even quickening my pace. I could no longer bear it if I was forced to think about anything other than Grandma and Grandpa. My mind was far too exhausted. All day I had been faced with realities that were beyond logic. Until now, I still hoped all of this was just a nightmare, even though I knew it was impossible.

Mr. Aditya was still shouting behind me, but I remained determined to move away. I did not turn around even a little, as if all my feelings had been drained by my own emotions. I was tired physically and mentally.

Kenn, Dara, and Tomi welcomed me in the parking area. I ran quickly toward them.

"Quick, take me away from here!" I asked Kenn with rapid breathing.

Kenn immediately opened the car door. "Get in first."

"I'll drive," Tomi said quickly while taking the key.

"Dara, sit in the back with Frel," he added.

"Yes," Dara replied.

She got in and immediately sat beside me. Her arms hugged me.

"Frel, we're all here," Dara continued in a soft but trembling voice. "You don't have to face this alone."

I just stayed silent, while in the front seat, Tomi started the car engine. The sound of the engine felt heavy in the silence hanging between us.

Kenn closed the car door on the other side, then glanced at me briefly before finally sitting in the front seat.

The car slowly began to move, leaving the cemetery area.

Dara's embrace still warmed my shoulders, but the empty space inside my chest felt far larger than anything.

I closed my eyes. I wanted to let everything go, freeing myself from the tightness that wrapped around me and the pain that felt like it was choking my throat.

Oh God, will I be able to walk forward without Grandpa and Grandma? Will I be able to live without them? Can I stand tall without their love? And will I be able to restore the color in my life without the spirit they gave me, God?

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