Chapter 53

“Yes. Well, I’m trying.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I went to the office and talked with a lawyer for Morrison and told him I was going to quit. He reminded me I was under contract.”

“And you can’t break it,” Kenny said, looking out at the rain.

“It’s kind of complicated. The lawyer said if I break the contract Trace could sue me. I asked if it would come out I’m a rent boy and a porn actor if he did. The lawyer said it probably would. I really don’t want that to happen.”

“I know that. You were careful to keep those things from me, too, if you remember,” Kenny said, a note of sadness in his voice.

Ted felt terrible. He knew he’d hurt Kenny deeply by not being up front about his employment situation. “The contract is up for renewal soon, in fact at the end of this month. That’s just a week or so from now. I won’t sign it, I’m going to quit then.”

Kenny turned and looked at Ted. “But in the meantime you’ll still have to do your job.”

Ted sighed. “Yes.”

“Or they’ll sue?”

Feeling a deep shame, Ted nodded in agreement. “That’s what the lawyer told me.”

“And that’s supposed to make things better between us?” Kenny asked.

“You said you could forgive me, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Kenny said.

“Then I will quit. Right now. Today! Even if it means they sue and I have to repay all the money I’ve made…somehow. I just have to know that you forgive me and we can try to start over if I leave Morrison.”

Kenny’s smile was sad. “I do forgive you.”

Ted’s heart leapt.

“As far as starting over…no, I don’t think that’s possible.”

“But you just said you forgave me. I don’t understand.”

Kenny sighed. “Just because I forgive you doesn’t mean everything is all right between us. Forgiveness means I’m not holding it against you. It doesn’t mean we pick up where we left off. You can forgive a murder of a loved one but you don’t want the murderer to be your best friend. You can forgive someone stealing your car but you don’t invite them home for dinner.”

Ted opened his mouth to protest, but Kenny went on.

“By not being honest, you stole something very precious from me. Something I was saving for the man I would love and be with for the rest of my life. You took that from me when you thought I wouldn’t be able to accept what you were doing for a living, thinking that if you kept these things hidden from me you’d get what you wanted. You chose to not tell me about it, hoping I would never find out. But if you had come to me and confessed all this before I gave myself to you…well things could have been very different. Now I can never trust you again.”

“But I told you I was afraid I’d lose you by telling you I was an escort.”

“Well, now you have. Goodbye, Ted,” Kenny said with finality and walked back into the library.

Ted stood, hunched over against the wind and the rain which had increased in intensity. Looking after Kenny’s retreating form, he felt suddenly colder and more alone than he had in a long time.

Finally, Ted took his eyes away from the door through which Kenny had disappeared and trudged back toward his car. 19

“You wanted to see me?” Ted asked after entering Trace’s office.

Trace was standing at the wet bar, his back to Ted, pouring himself a drink. “Yes.” He turned to face Ted. “Sit down,” he said, his voice stern.

Ted did as he was told.

Trace walked around his desk and sat on the edge, facing Ted. There was no signature embrace.

“What the hell is going on?”

Ted didn’t respond, just dropped his eyes.

“Well?” Trace demanded.

When Ted still didn’t reply, Trace continued, “You’re not seeing clients. They tell me from the set that your performance is flat, mechanical. So?”

It had been a week since the fated breakup with Kenny outside the library. “I guess I’m not feeling like myself lately,” Ted said without looking up at his boss.

“Has this anything to do with that boy Chris saw you with that morning at a restaurant? He wasn’t a client, was he?”

Ted looked up. “No.”

“Who was he then?” Trace demanded.

“Just a friend,” Ted lied.

“Don’t even try it. Chris told me this guy introduced himself as your boyfriend.”

“He was, almost, until Chris and Andy showed up,” Ted said, reliving the painful memory.