Chapter 38: That looks dreadful

Koth discovered that the lake was teeming with fish, and the surrounding woods offered small game for hunting. He stayed close to the shelter and, as his energy returned, he set up some of his magical warning systems in the forest. Irin remained asleep. Koth had been awake for three days while she had been unconscious. He had built a fire pit next to the shelter, which provided warmth and lessened the spring dampness in the air where they slept. He trusted that Alesseja's information was accurate and that they didn't need to conceal their location.

Koth sat in his usual spot next to Irin. He had made bedding for her from evergreen branches and dried grass, which he had covered with her blanket. He sat with his back against one of the walls, giving him a view of the meadow and the lake. The horses grazed not far from the shelter, and Koth, having found needle and thread, was doing his best to mend the hole in his robe. He wasn't particularly skilled at sewing; usually, he gave clothes needing repair to a woman in the city who took on such work to support herself and her two children. But he needed something to occupy himself. He had been fishing, and the three fish he had caught were slowly cooking over the fire.

"You should let me do that; it looks dreadful," Irin said. Koth froze, then looked at her.

"You're awake?" he asked. She gave him a tired smile and nodded.

"I'm as surprised as you are," she said. Her voice sounded dry. Before he could stop himself, Koth scooped her up and hugged her. He felt her hug him back.

"Thank the gods," he sighed, holding her close. Irin didn't object; she was holding onto him almost as tightly as he was to her. When Koth thought he was about to die, before he had lost consciousness, his thoughts had been filled with regret for not confessing his feelings for Irin. In that moment, all his reasons for keeping his feelings to himself had seemed so insignificant. He had considered confessing then and there, but it had seemed cruel to declare his love only to die. Since waking up, not dead, he had promised himself he wouldn't make the same mistake again. "How are you feeling?" he asked, gently helping her to sit on the bedding.

"Tired, thirsty, hungry, and happy," she said.

"I'll get you food and water. Just relax and don't fall asleep," he told her. She nodded and leaned back against the wall. Koth retrieved a water skin and checked on the cooking fish. He was pleased to see it was done. He brought some fish, dried berries, and the water to Irin and watched her eat.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked.

"Am I?" he asked.

"Yes, you are."

"I'm just happy you're awake, little one," he told her. She smiled.

"How long was I asleep?" she asked.

"Three days that I've been awake. I don't think it's been much longer than that, or Alesseja would have said something," Koth answered. Irin's eyes widened.

"You spoke to her as well?" she asked.

"I did."

"What did she tell you?" Irin wanted to know.

"Enough to know that we need to have a long talk about your self-preservation. But not now. You need rest. Do you want more to eat?" Irin shook her head and drank some more water. "Then lie down again. You look like you're about to fall asleep," he told her.

"But I was supposed to help you with your robe," she objected but did as he asked.

"I can manage," Koth told her.

"I really think you should leave it to me, Koth. It will..." He never discovered what she was trying to tell him, as she had fallen back asleep. Koth didn't mind. She had woken up and talked to him. He was relieved that she sounded like herself, which lessened his anxiety. Now, he just needed to ensure she was fed and rested, and she would be alright. He could do that.

Irin stayed awake for longer periods between her naps with each passing day. Koth found it increasingly difficult to leave her side; he didn't want her to wake up alone, and when she was awake, he enjoyed being able to talk to her.

"Can we go for a walk today? The weather looks nice," Irin asked on her fourth day of being awake. Koth hesitated. She hadn't walked around much except when she needed to relieve herself, and it had been raining for the past two days. Today was sunny, but the grass was still wet, and he worried she would slip.

"Tomorrow?" he asked.

"Today," she decided and stood up.

"Okay, but you need to hold onto my arm," he insisted as he helped her down from the platform.

"I'm all better; no need to worry too much," she said.

"Tell me that again when you can stay awake for longer than an hour," he huffed. Irin just smiled and looked around as they walked. Koth let her choose the path, and he wasn't surprised that she walked up to the horses.

"They look rested," Irin said, scratching both of them.

"They're both rested and well-fed by now. They like to wander around, and they're good horses and don't stray too far from the shelter," Koth told her. Irin nodded and took his arm again. They headed for the lake and stood watching the surface and the mountains on the other side for a while.

"Should we talk about it?" Irin asked. Koth knew what she was referring to, but he was debating whether to play dumb. In the end, he decided it wasn't worth it.

"I think we should," he agreed.

"You scared me; I didn't like being on my own," Irin said.

"I'm sorry, little one. If I had a say in it, it would have played out differently. But that doesn't mean you can give up on your own life, Irin. If I ever hear you do something so ridiculously stupid again, you'll wish you were dead," he told her. His worry, fear, and frustration all mixed into his words, and he sounded harsher than he had intended. Irin looked at him with her stubborn glare.

"I wasn't about to trot across the country on my own. You know how good my sense of direction is. It would have taken me ten years just to get to the sea and probably another ten to get to FeighSho," she said. It was hard to argue with her logic, he thought, and it almost made his mouth twitch into a smile.

"So you thought you'd hand that burden over to me? Fuck, Irin. If I'd woken up and found you dead, I don't think I would have survived."

"Then you know how I felt. Listen to me, Koth. I wasn't exactly thrilled about the prospect of dying, but it was the only way there would at least be a chance for both of us. If I did nothing, you would have died. That was a fact. I could feel it, and Alesseja told me so. When I chose to heal you, I gave you a chance to live. Yes, I could have died, but there was a small chance I wouldn't. And here I am, and here you are," she told him.

"But you almost weren't here. You can't take risks like that, Irin. Not for my sake," he objected.

"Don't be silly. You're the only one I would take risks like this for," she replied. Koth stared at her. The next thing he knew, he had taken hold of her neck and tugged her closer as he bent down over her. As their lips connected, he wondered why he hadn't done this sooner. Her soft lips pressed against his, and she let out the cutest surprised sound before committing to the kiss. It was unlike any kiss he had experienced. The world around them faded away.