Chapter 43

Hunter looked at me like he had already figured out what I would find. I wished I had known back then, then I wouldn’t have had to see it.

“Simon was having sex with one of his friend’s wives. I just turned around and walked back to the cabin. I sat down at the table and just stared at the wall in front of me. I don’t know how long I had been there when the wife of the other of Simon’s friends found me. She knew what I had found out without asking. She tried to comfort me and asked me if I didn’t know. I had known about the strangers, those I could ignore. But to do it with people we called friends? To humiliate me like that, it was different for me.” I looked at my hands that were picking at the bottom of my top. “That is also when I for the first time got a glint of what was behind the curtain he had pulled in front of me. I don’t know why it was so obvious for me at that moment. But I realised that the friends that had left me didn’t do it because of me. They left either because they had slept with my husband and felt ashamed of it, or that he had tried to sleep with them and they felt uncomfortable. It wasn’t my fault.”

“It never was your fault,” Hunter agreed. “But those are some shitty friends. At least the one that didn’t fall for Simon should have told you,” he said.

“They should. I don’t know why they didn’t. But that is when I started to see that my life wasn’t better because I had Simon. I finally could see that he made parts of it worse. And once I started to see it, I couldn’t unsee. I noticed other things and for the first time Wictor’s words sank in. I saw that my life would be better without Simon. It would be easier.”

“But you stayed,” Hunter said. There was no judgement in the words and I smiled at him.

“I did. I knew I had to leave, but I also knew I had royally screwed up. I had no job, I had no education, I had no money, I had no work experience, I didn’t own anything and I had no family except for Wictor. I didn’t want to be a burden. If I was to do this, I had to do it on my own, I convinced myself. So I devised a plan,” I told Hunter.

“What kind of plan?” he asked.

“I would let Simon pay for my new life. I knew he would never allow me to go back to finish my business degree. But I did convince him to let me go to school to learn how to bake. I spun it as it would be a way to improve my cooking, and I would become a better wife. He agreed as long as it didn’t affect my responsibilities at home. For three more years I put up with my marriage. I thought it would be easy, that I would stop caring what he said, what he did to me. But it gets to you. When you are told each and every day that you are worthless, that you are stupid, fat and clumsy, you start to believe it. I can still hear him inside my head. Pointing out my flaws, telling me how I can’t do anything right. You have seen how my body still reacts as if it’s expecting to be treated like he always did. Mistakes were punished, most often by humiliation, but if he was in a bad mood by hits. It’s hard to let go,” I confessed. Again Hunter made me look at him. I didn’t see the disgust I was afraid of, I saw competition and rage. I instinctively knew the rage wasn’t directed at me.

“Sweetness, have you talked to someone about this? I know it’s hard but sometimes we need help to overcome things. I have talked to professionals about some of the things I have seen. It helped,” he told me.

“Yes, when I left him, when Wictor helped me to get my place, I started seeing a therapist. It helped a lot. I was a real mess, but the therapist and Wictor helped me back to somewhat of a normal life. I still talk to her, but only once a month now.”

“I’m happy that you feel better and that you have the help you need. I’m sorry for what you have been through, Hana. It feels so worthless to say it. But I truly am. You are an amazing person and I wish you didn’t have to carry those memories with you,” Hunter said.

“Thank you. It’s not worthless. It means a lot to me,” I told him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around. I would like to think that if I had been I would have seen what was going on. I would have put a stop to it. I failed you,” he said. At that I smiled again as a tear fell down my cheek.

“You didn’t fail me, Hunter. You didn’t even know me back then. And you can’t be everywhere, saving everyone,” I pointed out. He used his thumb to wipe my tear away and then he reached for me and gently placed me in his lap so he could hold me. It took me by surprise, no one had ever been able to just move me around like this before.

“You aren’t everyone, sweetness. I wish I could have been there to save you,” he told me as he hugged me closer. I put my arms around him and returned the hug.

“You were. I don’t know how many times you have saved me at this point. From the moment we met you saved me from falling down. And since then you have just kept saving me. If anything, I need to start saving myself,” I said. He chuckled and kissed my cheek.

“I’m more than happy to save you when you need it.” We sat like that for a long while. It was nice to have cleared the air and I was happy I had told Hunter about how my marriage had been. I hadn’t gone into details, but if it was needed, I could tell him that later. Now that we had started talking about it, it didn’t seem like that big of a leap to do it again. “Would you teach me how to make cupcakes?” Hunter suddenly said. I sat up and looked at him.

“Teach you how to make cupcakes?” I asked.

“Yeah. I have never baked. Well I did take home economics, but I think I spent most of the time in that class being an idiot,” he told me.

“Now?”

“Why not? We have time and I think we could use something fun to do,” he said. “Do you think we have everything we need?”

“Yes, we do,” I said. I had made sure I could make some cupcakes when we went shopping. It was my way of relaxing. “I love the idea,” I said and got up from his lap.

“You’re not going to force me to wear a stupid apron or some shit?” he asked me as we walked to the kitchen. The thought made me giggle.

“I would if I had one, but I suspect you don’t own one,” I told him as I started to get the ingredients out.

“Thank the fuck for small favours,” Hunter mumbled as he helped me. “Are we going to make some of those fancy ones?” he asked as he looked at all the ingredients.

“No, I think for your first time we will stick to something basic. How about chocolate cupcakes with mocha frosting?” I said.

“Doesn’t sound basic, but it does sound delicious.” Then we looked for what we needed in terms of tools. We found most things, but some things we had to improvise. Instead of a large mixing bowl, I had found a large pot that would do.

“Okay, you can start with making some espresso so it will have time to cool down. I will start to measure the ingredients,” I told him. Hunter didn’t own a kitchen scale so I was forced to use measuring cups. When he was done with making the coffee, he came to watch me. “You can take that strainer and sift the dry ingredients onto that baking sheet,” I said.

“Yes, sir!” he told me in a true navy voice. I laughed and focused my attention on what I was doing. Hunter used the counter behind me to work.

“Whoops.” I heard him say. “Oh oh.” It was the next thing out of his mouth. “Shit.” I had to turn around to see what he was doing. He had taken my instruction with gusto and was sifting like he had a purpose. The flour and cacao went flying everywhere when he got a little too eager. I giggled and Hunter turned around. My giggle transitioned into full-blown laughter as I saw him with his white shirt stained by cacao.

“We should have got you an apron,” I told him and laughed. He looked down and laughed as well.

“You gave me the messiest job on purpose,” he accused me.

“Did not. I just didn’t think you would go all vengeance on the task. Let me show you,” I said, reaching for the strainer. He handed it to me and watched as I did it.

“But that will take ages,” he complained.

“It may take a little longer, but the ingredients will end up in the cupcakes, not on the counter, floor and on you,” I pointed out.

“Fair point,” he agreed and took the strainer back. I returned to cracking eggs and every now and then I heard him mutter to himself to go nice and easy. As Hunter didn’t own an electric mixer of any sort, I put his muscles to use and let him whisk as I added the ingredients. “This is not as easy as I thought it would be,” he huffed when we were done. I smiled.

“It’s easier with the right tools,” I told him as I scooped batter from the pot into the cupcake liners using a ladle. Hunter put the cupcakes into the oven and I told my phone to set a timer. Hunter came up behind me and hugged my waist.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who got a little messy,” he told me and looked at my hand. The hand I had used to ladled the batter with had scraped the sides of the pot and the fingers were almost coated in the chocolate batter. I shrugged.

“Hassard of the trade,” I said. I was in a good mood. Baking with Hunter had been fun and just what I needed. I was planning out how we should make the frosting when Hunter took my hand and licked the back of it to collect some of the batter. Then he sucked one of my fingers into his mouth and hummed. The vibrations travelled straight from my finger to my core. I let a moan escape from my lips and Hunter pressed in closer and plopped my finger from his mouth.

“Mm, chocolate,” he hummed in my ear.