Chapter 56
He tore her dress violently. “There is no escape for you now” he said under his disgusting breathe.
“No, please, don’t do this” Anna begged trying desperately to get away from him. .
I closed my eyes, and tried as much as possible to get away from this, either mentally or physically.
At this point, I would gladly welcome the visions to distract me from them.
I closed my eyes, allowing the tears to drop silently as the screams of my Best friend drowned me in despair…
A stinging pain held me down as I gripped the back of my head, “aghhh!” the screams came from my mouth before I could control it.
“Don’t tell me this is another attempt to stop me chiko, it’s not going to work out” he said a little out of breath. I held back the urge to throw up..
Everything in the room was heightened.
The smell of his arousal, the smell of sweat, the fear that came through the pores of Anna, everything. I could smell every single thing
“You need to stop James, i am warning you” he laughed looking at me with a stupid mocking face.
That was before my eyes couldn’t see.
∆∆¶
I picked myself up from the floor careful not to bruise the hand that Declan had dislocated as he repeatedly used the door to slam my body.
“Lana” I said as I walked sheepishly to the road to try and get a bus by this time, which I know honestly, was a pointless thing to do. There was no way I was going to get a bus by this time.
I was royally fucked.
¶¶
“Why! Just why!” he said looking pissed, but most of all disappointed. “You keep blowing hot and cold one moment you’re drawing me in and the next you are pushing me away. Please” his plea sounded broken. Like he was ready to give up, and at the same time he wasn’t.
“I told you I didn’t want this” I said getting my defenses up even higher. “No! You don’t get to use that trick. You said you would try to open up. You said you will try more for us, to make us work out.” He heaved a deep sigh and shook his head. “its me isn’t it? You don’t just want to be with me” he scoffed bitterly.
“did I press to hard to be with you” he looked deep into my eyes. “Where you pitying me? Is that it?. Is that why you accepted my proposal?” at this point, I could not take the broken look anymore as tears had started escaping my eyes.
“No” I shook my head rapidly in an attempt to say no. It wasn’t him. I was just a bad person. Suddenly, I felt bad for how I treated him. I knew he was not at fault. The insecurities and trauma by Gerald made me feel as though he was going to treat me the same. But Declan was different. Deep down I knew this but I wasn’t ready for that, I wasn’t ready to let go of Gerald.
He was my first love and I think he would always be. No matter how toxic he was.
“Don’t worry, I’ll let you go. I am sorry to be a bother. I really did care about you” he said and took a step back from me.
“It was Gerald” I said holding his sleeve, preventing him from leaving. I bit my lips tight hoping he would give me an opportunity to speak.
“You don’t have to say anything. I get it. I was pushing too hard. I guess it was hard for me to take 'no' but I get it now.” He gave me the usual smile that I had come to love and get comfortable around but this time, they seemed forced and filled with pain.
“I really loved Gerald and he promised me the world. I gave up everything for him” I blinked back a tear and let out a breath as I had finally gotten his attention.
‘he was listening'
“I gave up my family, education, friends, everything because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was nineteen at the time and did not know any better. I thought this was it, you know, we were struggling and he was rich. I was barely noticed anywhere I went and he noticed, he SAW me for who I was, or so I thought. But I was wrong. He just wanted what he saw that I could give him. Free sex and nothing more.” I had to take in a deep breath and gather a little courage to continue my story.
This one was the first time I had spoken to anyone to anyone about it, and it made me feel okay that I was at least telling someone my side of the story. I felt to an extent relieved. I really just hoped that I was telling the right person my burdens
“Marie, you don’t have to tell me,” he said looking a little guilty.
“I think I do” I said as my hands slowly found its way back to His sleeve. I would not be surprised if he told me that he wanted to leave from hearing the story. “ I stringed you along knowing that I was not ready to enter I to another relationship, the least I could do is give you an explanation.” I pleaded with him.
“he promised that he would care for me, that I would not have to worry about anything and I believe him. I was twenty and then we were planning a big wedding. He promised me the heavens and whatnot. Then on our wedding day, he vanished. I never saw him again. No words from him, no nothing. I was really angry at him but I couldn’t blame him. I was stupid. Never did I ask to see his family, not even once. How did I think, that type of person was ready to marry me?” I raised my head to look him straight in the eye.
I thought I would find pity or disgust on how stupid I was, but it was different. He looked at me with pain as though he was the one telling the story. “oh precious” he said as he wiped my face with the back of his hands.
“He did not deserve you” he embraced me holding me tight like I was going to disappear into thin air if he didn’t. “ I’m Soo sorry you had to go through that, you deserve the world and more and he couldn’t even see that. I would never let you go through that again, I promise”
He continued to promise me with his sweet words and I held on to each and every word he said like my life depended on it.
¶¶
I laughed at the memory that had flooded my head. What a joke that I believed him. “ I’d give you the world he had said. “you deserve better” he made me think just to throw me back to the street three years later breaking me further than he had met me.