Chapter 40: Chapter Forty

There is always a time for everything. A time to make a joke. A time to cry. A time to decide between what is right and wrong. But when I’m alone with him, it seems very cloudy. I can’t decide with the patterns I know from life. So, when it happens, I learn to let go and go with the flow.

I have to admit…when it comes to dressing up for a man, it never ends well for me. Even back then, I had to consult Francine or someone who knew fashion better than me. Today proved that I was not an expert when it came to that certain department. I could’ve dressed in something comfortable yet elegant at the same time, but no, I had to take the advice of those articles in those girly fashion magazines, or those images of models who probably ate one grain a day.

Chad obviously disagreed with me, the way his hand seemed to roam my back as we approached our table. I flushed bright red, almost letting out a girly squeak when his hand landed on my behind. Is he testing if I will beat the crap out of him here?

“Here’s your table, Sir and Ma’am.”

My thoughts went south when I realized how secluded we were from the eyes of people. It was literally for romantic dining. Like a gentleman, Chad let me slide in the booth first before sitting beside me. Menus were handed out by the usher before leaving, telling us that our waiter would arrive shortly. Snatching the list of meals, I furiously read the words as I counted to ten in my mind.

“Is there something wrong, Rachel?”

I squeaked out at how close Chad was, hot breath practically hitting my ear when he whispered. Tempted to kick him away and pinch him until he begged for mercy, I pushed back the dark thoughts in the back of my mind and smiled like the lady I was.

“No, of course not.”

A sly grin made its way to his lips and I knew I was in trouble. “Is that so?” His huge hand placed itself on the skin of my thigh, caressing it sensually under the table. Cheeks rivaling tomatoes, I hissed at him in warning. Even under the candlelight, his eyes were filled with something I couldn’t pinpoint.

“Don’t. Not here when we’re in a restaurant!”

Chad hummed quite playfully, not paying heed. His cologne quite toxic to any girl who was hopelessly romantic, it almost choked me. Almost.

“Chad, keep your hands to yourself.” I pulled his hand away and frowned. “I’m dead serious here.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have worn that dress here,” he defended. “You know there are wandering eyes and I hate repeating to the owners of those eyes that you’re mine.”

“What’s the title of the romantic movie you watched last night?”

His laughter filled our booth, so contagious that I found myself also giggling. But it died down once a waiter acknowledged us, ready to take our orders. After listing down our orders, the waiter bid himself goodbye and told us that our meals would arrive in around five minutes. It was us, alone again in our booth.

“What are you thinking?”

I shrugged, fingers tapping the table numerous times. Just five minutes, Rachel. Relax! Nothing’s going to happen! Just keep tapping so he won’t see your shaking hand.

“Nothing… Just a bit hungry. You?”

“Nothing very important. I was just wondering how that dress would look on the bedroom floor. It’s probably designed to be on the floor.”

Damn it! Why did I have to ask him!?

Not daring to confront him, I kept my flustered face to myself, eyes watching as another couple entered and occupied the table beside us. Now that this area is slowly being occupied by people, Chad won’t have the opportunity to try his stunts! I continued avoiding his gaze, not caring if the atmosphere is going to turn awkward. But this was a wrong move on my part since it only attracted his attention.

“Why are you hiding your face from me?”

I sharply turned and shook my head vigorously at his accusation. "Why would I hide my face? I spent time just to make myself beautiful, why would I? I’m not hiding from you or anything, I just felt like it was a bit hot? Yes, it’s a bit hot in here! Maybe we should move to a different table? Somewhere outside?”

His hand reached up to tuck back a stray strand of hair, a sweet gesture that made my heart beat wildly. “You were rambling, dear. Are you really that nervous?”

Just as I was about to respond, the waiter came back with his fellow worker with a tray of food. My head was cheering as they set the plates of mouth-watering Italian dishes on our table. One of them even poured wine into our glasses.

“Enjoy your meal!”

“Thank you—“

My gratitude was cut short when I felt his hand on top of my thigh again. I held in my gasp, causing the waiter to stare at me in concern.

“Is everything all right, Miss?” Chad slid his hand downward even further, close to my panties. I crossed my feet together, succeeding in trapping his hand before it could even make its goal.

“Y-yes!” I assured them with a smile. “Nothing’s wrong!” Much to my relief, they left without another question. I instantly whipped my face to Chad, who was laughing silently. “What do you think you’re doing?” I whispered fervently so I wouldn’t catch unwanted attention. “Are you seriously going to do this all night?”

“Maybe.”

His clipped reply that promised something more made me want to punch his face. To beat him up because the cloth of my underwear was starting to get wet. Rubbing my thighs together to ease my discomfort—but only making it worse—I grabbed the wine glass and drowned the whole dark liquid in one go. Doing anything to relieve myself of this…need.

This is very embarrassing!

“You’re impossible,” I hissed in a low voice, unable to back away as his rough, calloused hands went under the hem of my dress to touch the skin of my thighs. A small smirk graced his lips, blue mischievous eyes darting around, making sure that nobody in the restaurant was staring as his lips went close to my ear.

“I know.”

I made a face and pushed him slightly. “Just eat silently if you don’t want me to shove this spoon in your mouth.”

“You’re not going to eat?”

Irritated, I snatched my fork and began to eat my pasta abrasively, like a caveman who hadn’t eaten in days. “Of course, I will!” The clinking sounds of my fork against the ceramic plate resonated throughout the area. It alarmed Chad and the rest of the human beings present. Every eye near us could only stop and stare, but averted their gaze away when Chad gave them the evil eye.

“Why am I so sure that there’s something bothering you?”

“Just shut up,” I mumbled after chewing and poured myself some wine again. Having had enough of my weird behavior, Chad took my hand, stopping me from ravaging my almost-empty plate of pasta.

“Look, Rachel… If something’s bothering you we could leave.”

You! You’re bothering me! You’re making me feel things that shouldn’t be felt out here in public! It should be behind closed doors, you jerk!

“No, there’s nothing…”

The next few minutes were spent eating heartily, not wanting to waste the prepared meals. This time I made sure that I looked and acted like a responsible lady, like I should be. However, my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about how Chad’s hand in between my thighs felt. How right it felt when I knew it was wrong. What was worse, it kept torturing me until dinner was over and the last plate of desert was empty.

Chad and I agreed to pay together due to my insistence. I mean, I couldn’t be a freeloader! Not when I had a lot of money to spend.

“This is our date, you know, and I’d like to pay for it too,” I reasoned as I pulled out my card. His eyes went wide before they returned to normal, with an affectionate smile to add.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Chad asked as he wrapped my coat around my body.

Somewhere? Where do I want to go? The bright lights of New York City were slightly blinding as we exited the restaurant. The cool evening air brushed past as, making me clutch the coat around me even tighter. I let out a small gasp when something warm pulled me close to Chad, the heat emanating from his body.

I hid a smile with my hands as we ventured further down the sidewalk, with no direction at all. Forgetting that he asked a question, I turned to look him in the eye and smiled.

“I want to go to a nearby park, if that’s all right.”

“That’s no problem.” Chad grinned, and without a second thought, picked up his pace. “Anything for my lady.” We were soon briskly walking through crowds, past stores and a few musicians performing on the sidewalk. New York indeed was a bustling city, people who sought to see their dreams come true and live them.

Why did I have to wear heels? My feet were starting to ache; I was almost stumbling on them. “C-Chad? How much f-farther?” I asked, already out of breath.

Chad slightly looked back and pointed north. “We’re almost there!”

We could’ve at least rode in his car! I guess his excitement got to his head.

By the time we set foot in the park, sweat was close to drenching my face while Chad looked like he hadn’t even ran. But his hair was a bit of a mess.

“Come closer,” I beckoned at him, to which he cocked his head to the side in confusion. Adoring that cute expression, I reached out and tamed his blond locks with a few pats. It would’ve been nice if he just kissed me in a way of thanks, but no. He took the risky part and grabbed my butt, pulled me close and kissed me passionately. In public, where a lot of eyes stared at us.

I squeaked out indignantly and tried to pull away, but to no avail. Chad just kept kissing me hard until I was out of breath. It was when I heard whispers and muttering that I harshly pushed him, only for him to hold on.

“What’s wrong? Why are you pulling away?”

“Can’t you see?” I gestured with my head at the prying eyes of the people. “We’re attracting attention!” I hissed when he merely laughed. It was a beautiful sound, if only he used it in a different situation. “I’m serious here, Chad. Please stop.”

Listen to me! Just stop it now, Chad… Before we even get in trouble.

“Are you sure you want me to stop?” He placed a chaste kiss on my lips, staring at me with eyes filled with desire. “You look like you don’t want me to. Do you really want me to stop?”

“Yes, please stop.” He was about to kiss me again when I pinched his arm. This emitted a loud, sharp cry of pain out from the lips that were keeping me busy, no longer clouding my mind. I’m sorry, Chad. While rubbing his arm, he frowned at me and created distance between us, completely opposite to what we were doing a second ago.

“What the hell?! Why did you pinch me again?” he hissed out. “It fucking hurts, woman!”

Ignoring the death glare he just shot me, I put my hands on my hips and gave him a pointed look. “You need to control yourself, Chad. We’re out in public and if anyone sees me—“

“You don’t have to rub it in my face that you’re famous.” Chad scowled. “I know that better than anyone.”

“It’s not that I’m famous—you’re missing the whole point here!” I argued. “They snap pictures at us and there’s a huge chance my family will see it! They’re not ready to see us together, let alone having our lips locked!”

“What’s the matter if they see us? What’s the big deal?” he challenged. “I’m pretty sure your dad knows that we have feelings for each other! You don’t have to keep hiding from them. Are you not happy that I’m trying to be deemed your boyfriend?”

“I appreciate your efforts but I’m not ready to commit myself to another relationship. I enjoy what we have now but—“

“That’s bullshit!” He grabbed me by the shoulders, eyes scanning my face. “I know you’re ready and I know you’re just afraid. But I’m here to protect you, not to hurt you. You know that!”

“Chad, do you think I could face my parents once they find out? Have you forgotten what happened to Harvey? My parents were very devastated and it was all my fault! Do you think I could enjoy my time with you when that incident haunts me every day?”

Chad became silent. I took this as an opportunity to explain how this was affecting me, mentally and physically.

“Chad, I like you but you know I value my family and I would never trade them for anything in this world. I’m willing to sacrifice everything I have for them, even my time with you, and it’s sad for me. My father doesn’t trust you and I also didn’t at one point but I do now. I’d like to be with you when the time is right. When everything I have to do is finished… Do you understand?”

“If you don’t want to be in a relationship with me…you can walk away now.” My eyes went wide at his dejected words. Did I hear that right? “Walk away and never turn back. If you do, I’ll set you free. Your family is more important to you, I respect that… But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun on your own. You always hold back when you’re reaching out to me… Now, I know why.”

Annoyed by how insensitive he was, I backed away and nodded. “Fine! I’ll walk away, I don’t need you in the first place! It’s better to end this before we hurt each other more.” Before I become your girlfriend… As I walked away with huge steps, I couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Even if he wasn’t my boyfriend yet… He was already one to me. He was more of a boyfriend to me than Nathan was a fiancé to me. He always had the time for me while I never appreciated him for it. I always ran away when all he wanted was to reach out for me. To love me.

Should I marry her before I turn twenty-nine? Maybe she won’t mind having me as her husband?

I stopped in my tracks, remembering the words he wrote in his journal. That time when he was injured after we were kidnapped.

What the hell do you think you’re doing, Rachel?! Are you out of your mind? Turn back! Turn around and face him! Don’t be a coward!

Looking back, Chad had disappeared from where he stood. The visitors of the park were walking peacefully, enjoying the night. My heart sank at how easily he left me; how easy it was for him to walk away after investing the most in our relationship.

“Just leave…” I mumbled to myself. “He already left. You’re too late—“

Not bothering to finish my own sentence, I broke out in a run. What do those young people say these days? The pain of my feet disappeared due to my adrenaline rush, the clicking sound of my heels all I could hear as I chased after Chad. Ah, yes…I remember now.

You only live once… I’ll take that chance now and live. Just this once… Fuck it all!

“Chad!” I called out his name as I ran. It was when I caught sight of his hair and clothes that I ran faster than my legs could carry me. “Chad! Stop!”

Surprised, Chad turned around with astonishment etched in his handsome face. I immediately flung my arms around him once my heels got caught in one of those holes—he was standing on top of a drain. Reminding me of what seemed so long ago when it was just last month. Have I fallen for this idiot in just one month?

“You came back,” he whispered softly, embracing me tightly. I could only laugh, a bit breathless due to running, as I returned the affection. This is very nice. I’d better cherish these kinds of hugs. We stood there, amidst the crowd that came and went. Under the starry cold night that was a rollercoaster adventure for our feelings. Despite what just occurred between us, I wouldn’t trade it for being stuck at home.

“So… Are we just going to stay like this forever? Out here in the park, where a couple of drunkards could pass us any moment? It would still be romantic since the moonlight is shining down on us.”

I laughed aloud at this suggestion, puffs of breath escaping my lips before turning into nothing. “We’d get weird looks and…” My voice dropped to a whisper as I looked into his eyes sheepishly. “The heel of my shoe is stuck in one of those drains again. I believe it snapped into two once more.” Acknowledging this, Chad smiled after a light laugh.

“I don’t mind carrying you all the way home.”

“Are you sure? You left your car at the restaurant, if you don’t recall.”

He cursed before lifting me up, like a groom with his bride. “You’re a bit heavy.”

I knocked his head with my fist as he chuckled. “Don’t call me fat!” We went on like this until we finally reached his car, not caring about the stares we received.

“Home?” he asked, starting the car. I nodded and pressed a kiss against his lips, surprising him once again. But it was a surprise he accepted and wanted more. “Yes. Home, Chad.”

By the time we arrived, the house was dark except for the living room. The bodyguards were all on duty and waited valiantly at the gate for us. After parking his car, Chad lifted me all the way into the house.

“You can stop now, Chad. We’re here already.”

I could only squeal like a pig—which he deemed cute while I found it ugly since it sounded similar to a dying whale—when he suddenly raced up the stairs, purpose in each step he took, and into my room. The moment my back hit the sturdy mattress of my bed, I was in a trance despite the wind being knocked out of me.

The feeling of want poisoned my mind. All the desires I’d been wanting the whole evening… I wanted them to be fulfilled by Chad.