Valerie’s p.o.v
I was ready to die.
Yes
Jump of a bridge and seize to exist kind of die.
He had seen me, wrapped in towel and...
I took in a deep breath as I remembered how his eyes darkened as he zeroed in on me.
“...ie!!!” I felt my soul leave my body from fear as I was startled out of my thoughts. “Are ... are you good?”
I blinked, trying to get myself back to the present.
“Y..yeah!” I forced a smile despite myself.
“I said let’s go to bed” he said, pulling my hair to the side si he got a better view of my face
“Of course” ...
*
I stared at the ceiling, listening to Kellan’s steady breathing beside me. It was past midnight, but sleep refused to come. I shifted, careful not to wake him. The sheets rustled softly, and I laid there. Staring at him for aa moment.
Kellan was good to me—better than I deserved. I knew it. He was kind, perhapstoo kind for his own good.
But as I lay next to him, the guilt gnawed at me. Because the truth was, I thought I had somehow managed to get my mind off of Him but seeing him two days ago made me realise that it was far from it.
Hades.
Every time Kellan smiled at me, I’d see Hades in his place, comparing the two of them which seems stupid cause they were as different as night and day.
I sighed, ‘I can’t do this’ I thought as I sighed into my palms. even as i laid next to Kallen, my thoughts still could not leave him,
Hades.
I had to end this. It wasn’t fair to him. I could not continue to do this, not with the way my body buzzed when Hades had merely looked at me.
I slipped out of bed, the cool air biting at my skin as I stood. I tiptoed into the living room, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. I didn’t even know how I was going to say it. I didn’t want to hurt him. Kellan deserved so much better than this half-hearted version of me.
‘I have to let him go’ I thought as I sat criss-cross on the sofa, thinking of ways I would break his heart.
I sat in that position till the morning.
I heard Kellan stir in the bedroom, and I took a deep breath.
This was it. I couldn’t turn back now.’ I thought as I tried to move my legs to stand but somehow, they had fallen asleep.
“Val?” he called groggily as he emerged from the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. He made his way out of the room, meeting me in the living room where i was sat, He gave me a sleepy smile. “You’re up early. ” I felt my heart slammed against my chest as I saw his smile.
‘in a few minutes, I was going to crush this smile’ I thought sadly.
“Hey,” I said softly, trying to steady my voice. “Can we talk?”
His smile faded, replaced with a look of concern. “Sure. What’s going on?” He said. Going to pour me a cup of coffee, hustle the I loved it.
Two cubes of sugar,
Half a cup of milk in it
Slightly warm.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I sat on the edge of the sofa ‘please stop’ i pleaded to the gods above.
He joined me, handing me the cup as he sat beside me.
I looked away, unable to meet his gaze.
“Kellan… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And I’ve realized… I’m not being fair to you.”
He frowned, his brows knitting together. “What do you mean?” I felt my guts twist the more i saw his concerned face.
'I really am a horrible person' i thought as I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. “You’ve been so good to me, and I’ve tried to be present. I’ve tried to be the partner you deserve. But I… I can’t stop thinking about someone else.” I forced the words out, each one like a weight on my chest.
Kellan was silent, and I could feel the hurt radiating from him. He looked down at his hands, his face tightening. “Valerie,” he seemed at a loss of words. “I thought maybe it’s the business or maybe you were having a tough time at school” he scoffed, giving a weak laugh. blinking his eyes rapidly, forcing the tears that had gathered away
i said nothing, none of us could.
The silence between us stretched, thick and heavy. I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“So, what are you saying?” he asked quietly. he said, avoiding my gaze and giving plenty of space between us this time.
“I’m saying we need to break up,” I whispered, feeling even more shitty for not having the slightest remorse as I said that.
He let out a slow breath, his shoulders slumping. “I guess I saw this coming,” he said after a long pause. “I could tell you weren’t really here with me. Not completely. ever since your birthday...”
I reached for his hand, and he let me take it. His skin was warm, familiar. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry “
He nodded, his eyes glassy but holding back. “I know,” he said softly. “I know you .... I just... I just want to know. You never really said you loved me every time I said it to you.... “ I watched as he but the insides of his cheeks and then cleared his throat. “did you ... did you really love me? Like ever?”
I could see how he was holding his breath, waiting for my reply.
“I am sorry” my voice got lower as the shame of leading him on engulfed me. “I did love you but I tried, I tried so hard to fall in love with you and....”
“You are disgusting”