Chapter 19: Chapter Nineteen--Bare It All

I woke up. Everyone was basically in the same place as when I’d passed out. How long had it been? Lola’s back leaned against my truck tire, knees drawn to her chest. She nursed a beer, eyes unfocused, drugged to hell and gone. I didn’t bother to tell her she shouldn’t be drinking on the medication. Syber sat at her side. His arm banded around her shoulders. His posture stayed protective and pissed.

I pushed my hair out of my face as Kalvyn helped me up. I stumbled walking to her, but Kalvyn caught me and lead me toward her.

I lowered myself to my knees in front of her. “How are you doing, honey?”

“It didn’t happen,” Lola murmured.

“She’s been whispering that for a half hour,” Kalvyn said.

“Lola doesn’t handle stress well. When our dog died last year, she didn’t get out of bed for a week,” I replied.

I knelt in front of Lola, thankful I only gave her half of a pill. She held her beer as if it was her last defense. A messed up adult version of a security blanket and teddy bear combined. I winced.

Syber edged toward the tent, then back to Lola. “Should I take her back to bed?”

“That would be best for her. But, she shouldn’t be alone. I should go with her.”

“No,” Syber replied. “I will stay. You can’t take care of her all of the time.”

Anger ignited. I climbed to my feet, cold as steel, hot as fire. “You don’t know anything about me, or my best friend.”

Syber met my gaze with eyes much too old for that young face. I expected him to return my fury, by fury. “Katrina, I know emotional distance and agony when I see it, just as Kalvyn does. Like calls to like. When I look at you, I see someone needing to run as if her life depended on it, but can’t, won’t. A strong, courageous woman is someone who looks around and doesn’t see weakness in those she loves. But she feels the desire to protect them, no matter what the cost to herself.”

Speechless, I watched as he collected a lackluster Lola, carried her back to the tent, and disappeared within.

“Syber will take good care of her.” Carmen touched my shoulder. I’d gotten the impression she didn’t reach out much. Why now? What was so special about me?

Kalvyn jerked his head toward the road. Quinn slugged an arm around Lexi’s arm and sauntered away. Carmen trailed behind them, accompanied by a sad expression of farewell.

Halfway between the truck and the tent, I struggled to regain myself and failed. I crossed my arms, looking after them. If Syber had been right about anything: it was the need to run. Fight or flight kicked in. My fight left me.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Thought I wasn’t ready,” I said, just a tad bitterly. “Besides, it’s none of your concern.”

Kalvyn lowered himself onto the bench, the weight of the world upon him. I understood that all too well. “So, now you don’t trust me.”

“I’ve known you a day.” Resentment flooded me.

For him, for them all. Safe to hate. I understood hate. I bought it dinner, laid in bed at night alongside it.

“True. You weren’t distanced before. Now you are.”

“Do you blame me?”

He planted his elbows on the table and leaned back. “I suppose not, if you’re going to be stubborn. I don’t have to like it.”

Clouds trailed over the sun, casting shadows over the forest. How very apt. “Never said you did.”

His brow rose, a smirk stretching his lips into thin lines. “Do we have to do this?”

“Do what?” I rolled the word around on my tongue, tasted the challenge.

“Make me chose to prove myself to get back into your good graces or walk away.”

“Again, why do you care enough to do so? I repeat, for the final time, I don’t know you. You don’t know me. So why are you sitting here?” I pointed at his truck. “You have your own space. Right now, you’re in mine.”

He was in front of me before I registered that he’d moved. Those damned eyes flickered again, the living flame within blaring with unhampered rage. “I told you why I cared, Katrina. The same fucking reason I cared last night. So, grow up, and stop punishing me, when all I tried to do is help.”

“Because I’m defective.”

“You’re not defective. Because we’ve shared the same pain.”

I shoved my face into his…well, his chest. Best I could do with the height difference. “You don’t know a damned thing about me.”

He growled, flashed his not so human teeth. A blatant reminder. I stared, drank up the insanity. A thrill ran up my spine, even as my mind shrieked for me to end this, before I pushed him too far.

“Like Syber, I know a lot more than you think.”

“Bullshit. You’re not omniscient. You can’t just stumble into my life, and read me like an open book because I gave you the short version on who I am.”

“Animals don’t function on the same wavelength. We work on instinct.”

What the hell did that answer? “And what are your instincts telling you, Colbane?”

He jerked. Obviously, Bianca hadn’t mentioned that she’d told me his last name.

“That you’re lashing out, before someone lashes out at you. That’s your failsafe, isn’t it? You can’t let anyone get close enough to get to know you,” he snapped. “You push everyone but Lola away, because she’s safe. She’d never intentionally hurt you, and you know that beyond doubt. Everyone else is a threat. You don’t know the meaning of trust.”

“I do so.”

“Really? Do you actually trust even Lola? You waited until she fell asleep, before you finally let emotion back in. Why is that?”

“None of your damned business!”  I turned.

He turned me around again.

He backed me against my truck, trapped me with his arms. The metal groaned under his hands, a strength I couldn’t fathom. “I’m making it my business. You’re being a bitch, and I’m standing here taking it. No one talks to me like you do. And if they did, they’d be dead. That should tell you something.” I shivered. I wasn’t stupid enough to not believe him. “I still didn’t walk away.” His nose touched mine. “I can see it in your eyes. You don’t want me to leave. Nor do you want to trust me. But you do, because your instincts say you can. Learn to start listening to them. Unlike so many people, they will never lie to you.”

I pushed him, little good it did. How dare he strip me raw like this? My hand raised to slap him. He grabbed my wrists, then held my arms against the truck. Firm, yet gentle. The rest of him was relentless.

“What do you want from me?” I screamed out the pain filling me up, so full I couldn’t deal.

“Answer the fucking question I asked.”

“You really want to know?” I hissed.