Chapter 236
Elowen's POV
"Ronan, I swear to God—"
His hand was already on my belly again. Warm. Possessive. Like he had every fucking right to touch me whenever he wanted.
"What?" Those amber eyes sparkled with mischief as he crouched down, bringing his face level with my swollen stomach. "I'm just saying hi to my niece and nephew."
"They can hear you just fine without your hand glued to my skin." I tried to sound stern, but my voice came out weaker than I intended. Six months of this. Six months of being surrounded by three overbearing Alphas who treated me like I was made of glass.
Six months since I'd seen them.
Don't think about them, Juno warned in my head. Don't you dare.
But Ronan wasn't listening to me anyway. He never did when it came to the twins. His palm pressed more firmly against the curve of my belly, and I felt one of the babies kick in response.
"Hey little ones," he murmured, his voice dropping to that soft tone he only used with them. "Miss me? Uncle Ronan brought back those weird pickles your mama keeps craving."
Despite myself, I felt my lips twitch. Damn him. Damn all three of them for making it so hard to stay angry.
"They're not weird," I muttered. "They're perfectly normal dill pickles with—"
"—chocolate sauce and hot sauce," Ronan finished, standing up with a grin that could've melted steel. "Which is fucking disgusting, by the way."
"You're not the one growing two Alpha babies, are you?" I shot back, but there was no heat in it. Just... exhaustion. The kind that had settled into my bones six months ago and never left.
Six months ago, when you walked in on them.
The memory hit me like a punch to the gut. It always did. No matter how many times Juno tried to warn me, tried to pull me back before I could drown in it.
I'd been so stupid. So fucking naive to believe that they'd chosen me. That the mate bond meant something real.
You saw her, Juno's voice was bitter, angry on my behalf in a way I couldn't be anymore. Naked in his bed. With both of them right there like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Sarah. Of course it had been Sarah.
The image was burned into my brain—her red hair spread across Casper's pillow, her pale skin marked with fresh bites that definitely weren't mine. And them. Cassian sitting there like he was watching a fucking movie. Casper looking at me with those amber eyes that I'd once thought held nothing but love.
The eyes that had held nothing but guilt when I'd caught them.
"You okay?"
Ronan's voice yanked me back to the present. His hand was still on my belly, but his expression had shifted from playful to concerned. Perceptive bastard.
"Fine," I lied.
They chose her, Juno snarled in my head. They chose her over us. Over our babies.
Our babies. The babies that Cassian and Casper would never know. Would never touch. Would never—
"Elowen." Ronan's other hand came up to cup my face, forcing me to look at him. "You're crying."
Was I? I touched my cheek and sure enough, it came away wet.
"Hormones," I muttered, pulling away from him. "It's just hormones."
But it wasn't. It was the soul-deep ache that came from having my heart ripped out and stomped on. The knowledge that the two men I'd loved—still loved, God help me—had chosen someone else.
Someone better.
Someone who wasn't broken and fucked up and carrying the children of men who didn't want her anymore.
They never wanted us in the first place, Juno hissed. Sarah made that clear, didn't she? When she told everyone that she was their chosen mate. Their real mate.
"Stop," I whispered, not sure if I was talking to Juno or to the memories themselves.
Ronan's hand fell away from my face, but I could feel his eyes on me. Worried. Always so fucking worried.
"You know," he said quietly, "you don't have to do this alone. We're here. All three of us."
I knew that. God, did I know that. Kade, Alaric, and Ronan had been nothing but supportive since Ronan had shown up that night—the night everything fell apart. The night I'd run from the Thornwood Pack with nothing but the clothes on my back and the babies growing in my belly.
They found you crying in the rain, Juno reminded me, softer now. Ronan wrapped his jacket around you and didn't ask a single question until you were ready to talk.
"I know," I said out loud, my hand unconsciously moving to cover Ronan's where it still rested on my stomach. "I know you're here. I just..."
Miss them.
I couldn't say it. Wouldn't say it. Because missing them meant admitting that a part of me still hoped. Still believed that maybe there'd been some mistake. Some explanation for why I'd walked in to find my best friend naked in bed with my mates.
Ex-mates.
They are NOT our mates anymore, Juno snapped. They made their choice. Sarah made sure of that.
Sarah. Who'd looked at me with such smug satisfaction as she'd curled into Casper's side. Who'd smiled when I'd started to cry. Who'd whispered just loud enough for me to hear: "Did you really think you were special?"
"Hey." Ronan's voice cut through the spiral. "Where'd you go just now?"
Before I could answer, the kitchen door swung open and Kade walked in. Tall, silent Kade with his black hair and those unsettling amber eyes that never seemed to miss a damn thing.
His gaze went immediately to my stomach, then to my face. Something flickered in his expression—something that might've been concern if Kade ever let himself feel things that openly.
"You've been crying," he stated, not a question.
"Hormones," Ronan said quickly, shooting me a look that clearly meant play along.
But Kade just raised an eyebrow. He crossed the kitchen in three long strides and leaned down to press a kiss to my cheek. Not my lips. Never my lips. None of them ever crossed that line, even though I knew—God, I knew—that Ronan at least wanted to.
Because they're not them, Juno said quietly. Because no one will ever be them, and we both know it.
I pushed the thought away as Kade straightened, his hand coming up to rest briefly on my shoulder before falling away.
"Have you eaten today?" he asked, his voice that low rumble that somehow always managed to calm the constant anxiety thrumming through my veins.
I opened my mouth to lie, but Ronan beat me to it.
"She had toast for breakfast. Two pieces with that gross strawberry jam she likes."
"It's not gross," I protested weakly.
Kade's lips twitched. The closest he ever came to a smile. "And lunch?"
Fuck. I'd been hoping he wouldn't ask about lunch.
"I wasn't hungry," I admitted.
Liar, Juno muttered. You just couldn't stop thinking about how Casper used to make you lunch. How he'd cut the crusts off your sandwiches even though you said you didn't care. How he'd—
Shut up, I told her viciously.
"Elowen." Kade's voice was gentle now, that rare softness he only showed when he thought I was close to breaking. "Have you had enough water today?"