Chapter 46

"You!" The cemetery gate squeaked open and slammed shut.

Nate spun at the feminine shriek and found one purely pissed off and furious Olivia Cattenach stomping toward him.

Homicidal eyes red-rimmed, lips firm, auburn hair flying around her head, and a fierce wrinkle between her brows, she launched at him. He barely had time to set his feet and her fists were pounding his chest.

"You...jerk!" Punch. "How could you take off like that?" Punch. "I looked everywhere for you." Punch, punch. "All day, half the night, and this morning."

Christ. He lifted his hands, not to fend her off because, well, she wasn't actually hurting him in the slightest, but he was worried she'd hurt herself. "Olivia"

"No. You don't get to speak. You said enough yesterday. It's my turn." And...she was back to wailing on him. "I was worried sick." Punch. "I thought you were dead in a ditch..." Inhaling suddenly, she straightened, her pretty eyes bugging into something downright scary. "You're laughing at me?"

He rolled his lips over his teeth, but it was no use. A laugh emerged. "I've just never heard anyone actually say that before. The dead in a ditch thing. I thought it was some cliché manufactured by parents to frighten kids into obedience."

"Well, it's not. I literally searched ditches on the side of the road." Her voice rose two octaves above banshee. "Ditches, Nathan! And you didn't cash your paychecks. After what you said, how you wished it had been you..." Punch, punch. Then, she choked on a sob, her arms falling limply at her sides. "The suicide rate is high for returning vets and you looked dejected when you left and I couldn't find you and..."

Fear melded with gripping loss, twisting her face.

Ah, shit. "Come here, baby."

He pulled her to him, but she climbed up his body and clung to him. Arms around his head and legs banding his waist and face buried in his neck, she trembled as hot tears splashed his skin.

"I'm sorry." Closing his eyes, he cinched her higher and threaded his fingers in her hair. Christ, the thought had never occurred to him, that she'd jump to that kind of conclusion. "I'm so sorry, baby." He kissed her strands, lids pinched tight, his insides spilling all over the grass. "I'd never do that. I swear. No matter what, I'd never do that."

Panting, she seemed to be winding down from her jag. "For Justin. The promise?"

Yes. He owed it to her brother to live his life to the fullest. Justin's time had been cut short. He'd never have the opportunity to fall in love or hold his child or tell another ridiculous joke. But due to him, Nate would have that chance. He was here, happiness at his feet, because a redheaded kid from Wyoming had persistently chipped away at Nate's resolve in the middle of a godforsaken desert.

"And for you." Nate skimmed his hand over her strands, eternally thankful to have her in his arms. She triggered the calm in him, easing the tension and taming his beast. He breathed in her rain scent, absorbed her warmth, and shook with gratitude. "You know I keep my promises. I swear to you on my pathetic, empty heart that I will never leave you again."

Finally, she lifted her head, looking at him with those holy-shit blue eyes framed by wet lashes. She cupped his jaw, his stubble a scratching sound against her palm. "I like to think of your heart as uncharted." She offered a weak smile.

Damn, but she felled him. He brushed his nose against hers, at a loss.

"Go in my back pocket." She sniffed. "Please."

Adjusting her in his hold, he reached into her jeans and pulled out...Justin's letter. Nate had carried it around everywhere with him. He'd recognize that yellowed envelope and Olivia's name in chicken scrawl anywhere. He jerked his gaze to hers in question.

"Read it." When he started to object, she ran her hand over his head, her gaze following the movement. "I want you to read it."

Since it seemed important to her, he ignored the cold sense of dread and his pounding heart. Sitting with her in his lap, he took out the folded sheet of paper and opened it behind her back. As he clenched his jaw to read, she rested her head on his shoulder.

Olivia,

If you're reading this, I'm with Mom and Dad. I'm not much for writing, but since this is the last you'll hear from me for a while, I'll try to be epic. No pressure.

This also means Nathan Roldan is probably with you, delivering my letter. I know he's huge-nor-mongus (I declare that an actual word. Notify Webster immediately), but he's harmless. He's a gentle giant, honest to God. Without him, I might not have gotten through this adventure. You're safe with him. I have no idea what circumstances caused my death, but don't dwell on them, and instruct Nate not to, as well. They don't matter.

I could fill a notebook with memories of us but, instead, I'll pick one. It stands out to me the most and is something I'll carry with me to the other side. Us, standing graveside, as they lowered our parents into the ground. For most, that would be a horrible day. It was cold and wet, everyone was wearing black, and people were crying. I was too young to understand the significance at the time, only that I was scared and confused. But you took my hand, squeezed it, and told me everything was going to be okay.

And you made sure of that. You were the best big sister a guy could ask for. Never did I want for anything. You put me first and took care of me, so it's time I did the same.

Which brings me back to Nate. I suspect he has no one in his life and no home of his own. I choose him for you. Whether he's a friend you nurture or a soul mate that develops into love, don't let him walk away after reading this. Don't let him become a passing stranger delivering a note or an acquaintance you see once in a blue moon. Take care of him and let him take care of you. Grant me that one thing.

Tell Aunt Mae I love her so much. Thank her for rescuing us and for giving up her life to come back to the ranch. She treated us like her own and I want her to know that hasn't gone unnoticed. Tell Nakos to stop gawking at you and find his real love. Also that the buckle on saddle eight is loose. It's not, but mess with him one last time for me. I'll miss him. And tell Amy to smile more like she used to. She has my permission to call you Liv any time she wants because you hate it and it gives her pleasure to annoy you. I'll miss her tons, too.

Now, this letter will self-destruct in ten seconds, so I'll be brief in my last order. Do not think of me and cry. I know you and that's what you're doing. In fact, only think of me twice a yearSpring and Winter harvest. That was my favorite and I'll watch over you while you plant.

I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow. I love you. Be happy.

Justin

Through a sheen of tears he attempted to will away, Nate refolded the letter and put it back in Olivia's pocket. Then, he set his chin on her shoulder and held her silently until the gutting sensation passed. Talk about cracking his chest cavity wide open.

Christ, he missed the little bastard. He'd thought highly enough of Nate to manipulate fate in order to intertwine his life with Olivia's. To make sure they wound up in the same place. And leave it to Justin to try to make his sister laugh while saying goodbye. Just like himfunny, sweet. Truthfully, and he'd said this all along, Nate was the lucky one to have known Justin, not the other way around.

He stared at Justin's grave, at the headstones of Olivia's parents, and sighed as melancholy swallowed him whole.

Some time later, when he thought he could speak, he pulled away and pushed her hair from her face, holding her head in his hands. And again, he was struck stupid by her beauty. Yes, she had a pretty face and gorgeous hair and adorable freckles and huge eyes and a pouty mouth. But it was the whole package that was beautifulthe components that made up her personality, rendering her unique. She was witty and smart and hard-working and unselfish and stubborn to a fault.

And mercy, did he love her.

"I'm probably going to screw this up, but hear me out." He rested his forehead to hers. "You know my background, but I don't think you can fully understand the...loneliness involved. Or how it messed up my head. It started with Justin and continued with you, but somehow you cracked through years of ingrained lies to show me the truth. I'll never be rid of the guilt. I don't think that'll ever go away. Stupid mistakes were made, yet I know now not everything was my fault. You showed me that, baby."

He kissed her wet eyes, wiped her damp cheeks with his thumbs. "Something else I realized, that took me too long to comprehend, was my life didn't start in a Chicago hospital. It began in the desert with your brother. And if you'll let me, I'd like to spend the rest of it with you."

Her chest hitched and more tears spilled. "Nate"

"Let me finish. This isn't easy for me and..." He shook his head. "Actually, it is. Being with you is easy. That's what I'm trying to say. Nothing in my life has been simple. Love was never supposed to be a part of my plan. I have no clue what I'm doing, I have nothing to offer you in return, but I do know how to love. Because you showed me. And I do love you, more than I thought was possible. Forgive me and let me keep loving you. Please, baby."

She looked at him, tender gaze sweeping over his face, and drew a slow inhale. "There's nothing to forgive. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along." She blew out a ragged breath. "Forgive yourself for thinking you were ever less than what you area good man."

Gaze determined, she held his jaw. "I love you."

A strangled sound died in his throat and he glanced heavenward. Breaths soughing, he struggled not to split apart, atom by atom. Unimaginable heat blasted behind his ribs, filled the fissures of darkness, and all he could do to hold it together was close his eyes.

She stroked his head with aching gentleness, wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck. "Get used to hearing it because I'm going to say it a lot."

"Never," he rasped and looked at her. "I'll never get used to hearing it." It was one thing to spot the emotion on others, to find it in her eyes when she gazed at him, but something else entirely to have her say the words aloud. "No one's ever..." He sucked air. Cleared his throat. "Please say it again."

She grinned, and the last remnants of his old life cindered to dust. "I. Love. You."

Nope. Never get used to it. Fisting his hand in her hair, he pulled her to him.

As he sank inside her kiss, in the sanctuary and refuge she forever offered, he was jarred by the freedom, as well. To let go and just...be with her was liberation at its very core. No secrets or lies or shadows threatening to consume. Nothing stood in their way and no one could steal his chance at happiness. Not even him.

Bones barked and pawed at Nate's pant leg.

He chuckled under his breath. "I love you, too, boy."

With a contented hum, she smiled against his lips. "I hope you realize that leaving and scaring me makes us even for the creek incident."

He eased away and glanced at the thin, red scar by her hairline, traced it with his fingertip. "Not even close, baby."

She laughed. "Is that a challenge?"

"Don't make me sic Nakos on you. I'll do it."

Another laugh, and she rolled her eyes. Adorable. "I can handle him."

"Yeah, but can you handle me?" He gave her a hard, quick smack on the lips and stood. If it put her in a coma, he didn't care. He was going to make love to her all damn day and through the night. Bending, he wrapped an arm around her waist and tossed her onto his shoulder. "I think not."

She giggled as he strode through the gate, Bones at his heels. "Where are you taking me?"

"Home, baby. We're going home."

END OF VOLUME ONE