Chapter 28: Confusingly Unreadable

"Mommy... wake up..." napaingos ako nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses ni Cerix. Maya maya ay naramdaman ko ang paghalik nito sa buo kong mukha na nagpangiti sa akin.

"Son, Mom's tired. Let her sleep first, hm?" rinig ko ang boses ni Chaos.

"But Dad, she's sleeping too much. It's already almost 12. She didn't eat anything yet. What if she's hungry already?" I smiled before slowly opening my eyes. Sumalubong sa akin ang mukha ni Cerix na nakatunghay pa sa akin. Nanlaki ang mata nito at kaagad na napakurap.

"M-mommy...?" nag-aalangang ani nito. Para pa itong natatakot sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng guilt. H-hindi ko siya pinansin noong... nagkita kami.

"Anak..." bulong ko bago dahan dahang bumangon. Nakatitig lang sa akin ang inosente nitong mga mata na mukhang inaabangan ang susunod kong gagawin.

Hinaplos ko ang mukha nito at hinalikan ang noo. "I'm sorry baby for... ignoring you, hm?"

"You're not mad at me anymore, Mom?" mahinang tanong nito na humaplos sa aking puso. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na sobrang gaga ko sa ginawa kong pag-iwas sa bata samantalang wala naman itong kasalanan, kaya hindi ko na dapat pa ito dinamay sa sama ng loob ko sa ama nito.

I smiled softly. Binuhat ko ito at pinaupo sa aking hita habang nakasandal ako sa headboard ng kama.

"I wasn't mad at you Cerix and never will be, okay? Something was just bothering Mom that day, and I'm so sorry, baby... Mom didn't mean it."

Ngumiti naman si Cerix at niyakap ako. "It's fine now, Mom..." Hinalikan ako nito sa pisngi na mas lalong nagpangiti sa akin. Napatingin naman ako kay Chaos na nakasandal lang sa hamba ng pintuan habang nakatingin sa amin ni Cerix. He has that tender and soft looks in his eyes while looking at us.

He was topless and God knows how much I am stopping myself from straddling him again. What's with me, really? Am I too deprive with sex na sa isang tingin ko lang kay Chaos, parang gusto ko na ulit itong sakyan?

I bit my lower lip. I am getting naughtier and naughtier every damn minute at kasalanan 'to ni Chaos.

"I'm hungry..." I mouthed at him. He getnly smiled at me before signalling me to follow him downstairs.

***

"Dad... I noticed something weird this morning." napatingin ako kay Cerix na nakaupo sa may counter kaharap ng table kung saan ko kumakain ngayon. I am eating a fish again, but this time, it was fried. Like really really fried. Inutusan ko kasi si Chaos na budburan ng maraming crispy fry ang isda. It looks yummy, though.

"Hm? What is it?" tanong naman ng ama. Nakatalikod ito sa amin dahil may niluluto pang isda na request ko nga.

"The door? In your room? It was moving continuouly—"

Nabulunan ako sa isdang kinakain nang marinig ang sinabi ni Cerix. Nagmadali tuloy ang mag-ama sa paglapit sa akin. Chaos gave me a glass of water habang hinahaplos naman ni Cerix ang likod ko.

My face heated in embarrassment.

"Mom, are you okay? Why your face red?"

I smiled hesitantly at my son before looking at Chaos na ngayon ay nakangisi lang sa akin. I glared at him. This is definitely his fault. Sa sobrang hiyang nararamdaman ko ay napahikbi ako. Mas lalo lang nataranta ang dalawa. Ang kaninang pilyong mukha ni Chaos ay napalitan ng pag-aalala. Parang nawalan pa ng kulay ang mukha nito habang panay ang punas ng luha sa aking pisngi.

"Mommy... Why are you crying? Inaway ka ba ni Daddy? Huh, Mom? Tell me..." Napasinghot ako at niyakap ang katawan ni Cerix. This little baby... I don't want to taint his innocence just because I was too sex deprive. H-hindi ko na ulit 'yon uulitin. I will really... not do it with Chaos. Not anymore. Fine! We will not do it unless Cerix is not around!

"No baby... I just remembered some—Chaos Aizanver Ivanovich! 'Yong isda kasi!"

Nakisabay na sa aking kumain ang dalawa para sa pananghalian nila. That was already my brunch dahil... napagod ako.

"We'll watch a movie, Mom! It's going to be a family day today!" Cerix shouted enthusiastically. Pumalakpak pa ito na ikinangiti ko lang.

"Go to your room first, son. Choose any movie you want. Mom and I will follow you upstairs." Tumango si Cerix sa sinabi ng ama at halos patakbong nagpunta sa itaas.

"Careful Cerix baby!" I shouted. Tiningnan ko pa ito hanggang sa tuluyang mawala na ito sa aking paningin bago bumaling sa lalaki.

"I wanna talk." Napanguso ako sa itinuran nito bago naupo sa sofa. Sumunod naman ito at tumabi sa akin.

"I want to talk about... why were you ignoring me this last past few days, hm? You even ignored our son when we were on the seashore that time. We... were about to fetch you. But, you choose to go with an asshole."

I glared at the man. Inaamin ko naman na mali ang ginawa kong hindi pagpansin kay Cerix, and I was guilty of that. Nagsorry na rin ako sa bata, but I don't regret ignoring him though. Bagay sa kaniya 'yon. He's a player. And he should be really careful with his chosen words for David. The man is an angel.

"Huwag mo ngang igaya si David sayo. He's completely different from you. Ikaw naman ang asshole at player hindi siya. Kaya huwag mong ipunas sa iba ang bagay na hindi naman nila ginagawa." I rolled my eyes.

Kumunot ang noo nito at umigting ang panga. Mukhang hindi nito nagustuhan ang ginawa kong pagtatanggol kay Dabid. But... Who cares right? I don't.

"So, you are implying that I do play just like what you are saying? You are judging me too much." I can hear the acid in his voice. I want to say sorry. Medyo na-guilty ako, but I remembered his woman naka swim suit lang noong isang araw. I can't believe him! Ipagpapalit na nga ako, sa kapitbahay ko pa?! He's really unbelievable. Tapos ngayon, parang siya pa ang galit? E sa totoo naman!

"You think too low about me. If you don't like me, just tell it. You don't really have to force yourself coz' I am not forcing you anything. Tell me you don't like me straightly in my face, and do not just put up an act and ignore me the next time. It sucks. It sucks baby to know that I don't even know what you're thinking, or what you are going to do the next days. Who knows, right? You are not telling me anything. Well, maybe you'll leave the island? I don't know. I'm confused. You are confusing. And no one knows your next moves coz' you are completely... unreadable."

"Who said I don't like you, huh? I like you, Chaos. I like you. I hate to admit it. But, I am falling for you. I really am. And I don't know what's more complicated to know that I am married, but not with you. I like you, but it's wrong. I am falling, and I don't know if I should continue. I don't know. I completely don't know too. Well, maybe you are right. I am unreadable and confusing."