Chapter 20 020
EMILY
“Baby, we need to tell you something,” I said to Zara.
She was sitting cross-legged on the living room rug, surrounded by her favorite dolls and a half-finished puzzle of a unicorn. Pieces were scattered everywhere, little cardboard bits showing the magical pastel colors of stars and rainbows. Ryan had arrived exactly at six like he promised. He stood near the couch, hands stuffed nervously into his pockets, trying to hide it, but I could see it anyway.
Zara looked between us with those big blue eyes—so much like his—that it still stole my breath every time. I swallowed hard, my chest tightening.
“What is it, Mummy?” she asked, tilting her head like she always did when she was curious or trying to understand something too big for her three-year-old mind.
I knelt down so I was eye level with her. Ryan moved closer, kneeling beside me. We formed a little triangle on the floor—me, him, and our daughter, unaware of just how much everything was about to change.
“Mr Blue Eyes…” I started, then caught myself. “Ryan… he’s your dad, sweet girl.”
Zara blinked once. Twice. Then she looked up at Ryan and grinned, the kind of smile that could light up a room, the kind that made me ache all over.
“I know, Mummy,” she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Can I go now?”
Ryan let out a surprised laugh. “Ohhh.”
I stared at her, mouth open. “You… know?”
She nodded like it was no big deal. “He has my eyes. And he hugs like a daddy.”
Ryan’s eyes went glassy. He reached out and brushed a curl from her cheek. “You’re too smart for your own good, princess.”
Zara grabbed his hand and tugged. “I’ll be four next week, Dad. I want a Barbie birthday.”
Ryan nodded fast, voice thick. “Anything for you, princess. Anything.” He looked back at me, eyes shimmering. “Can she… can she come home with me tonight? Just for a little while?”
I shook my head immediately. My voice came out sharper than I intended. “No. You don’t know what kind of bedtime stories she needs. She can’t sleep without Mr. Bear. She’ll be up all night.”
Hurt flashed across his face—quick, sharp—but it was gone in a second. He nodded. “You’re right. I didn’t think about that.”
Zara’s little face crumpled. “I want to go with Daddy.”
I sighed, trying to steady myself. “Z, you don’t understand. You can’t—”
Then the tears came. Big, dramatic tears. The kind that broke my heart with every drop. She cried for the unfairness of bedtime rules, for wanting both parents at once, for something she didn’t have words for yet.
I glared at Ryan. He gave me a look that said, I didn’t mean for this. It was quiet and apologetic, full of the kind of guilt that came from love.
“Fine,” I said through clenched teeth. “Give me a few minutes.”
I ran upstairs to pack an overnight bag. Each item I grabbed felt heavy with the weight of reality—her pajamas, her favorite blanket, and a change of clothes. I paused at Mr. Bear sitting neatly on her pillow and—on purpose—left him behind. Let her test Ryan tonight. Let him see what bedtime without her comfort really looked like.
Before zipping the bag, I pulled out my phone and called Morgan.
She picked up on the first ring. “Hey, girl—”
I burst into tears before I could even form words.
“Morgan… she’s choosing him over me.”
“Whoa, slow down. What’s going on?”
“She wants to spend the night with him. Why? They just met and—” My voice cracked, and my chest tightened.
Morgan’s voice softened. “Calm down. I’m on my way.”
I hung up, zipped the bag, and wiped my face. Took a deep breath, the kind that barely felt like it reached my lungs.
When I came back downstairs, they were lost in each other. Zara was perched on his lap on the couch, talking a mile a minute about her Barbie dream house while he listened like every single word was precious. He nodded at all the right places, asked thoughtful questions, and laughed when she did. Damn him. I wanted him to be a deadbeat. It would make it easier to hate him.
But I couldn’t.
They both noticed me at the same time.
Ryan stood carefully, balancing Zara on his hip. He moved closer. I thrust the bag at him.
“Make sure she’s asleep by ten,” I said. My voice came out sharper than I meant.
He nodded. “I will. Thank you, Em.”
Zara waved. “Bye, Mummy!”
They walked out together. Ryan held the door like she was royalty. She giggled all the way to the car. I stayed at the window, watching him buckle her in, kiss her forehead, and wave at me before driving away.
I watched until the taillights disappeared around the corner. Until only the empty street was left, quiet and still.
Then Morgan’s car pulled up.
I ran outside before she even turned off the engine. The second she parked, I yanked open the passenger door and climbed in.
“Take me away,” I said, my voice trembling.
Morgan looked at me, confused. “Okay, girl. Where to?”
“Anywhere. Just… drive.”
She didn’t ask questions. She just put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb.
I leaned my head against the window and let the tears come again. Quiet ones this time. The kind that didn’t make noise but still burned from the inside out.
“She called him Dad,” I whispered, barely audible.
Morgan reached over and squeezed my hand. “She’s three, Em. She’s just excited. It doesn’t mean she loves you less.”
“I know,” I said. “I know. But it still feels like I’m losing her.”
“You’re not losing her,” Morgan said firmly. “You’re sharing her. That’s different.”
I closed my eyes. Tried to breathe. Tried to feel different. But it didn’t work.
“It doesn’t feel different,” I admitted.
Morgan drove for a while in silence as the city lights blurred past, reflecting off the glass like a thousand tiny stars.