Chapter 12: Uncertainity

My thoughts were a mess and the emotions coiled inside my chest as if wanting to drown me fully. It was absurd to the point I couldn’t think straight, not like I’d been thinking straight ever since Azran brought me here.

As much as I’d tried to convince myself this could be for better, it kept getting worse.

Since morning, I’d been a mess, looping and tangling and circling until I no longer knew where one ended and another began. The house didn’t help either. What was I expecting in the first place when I decided to explore it? Like how could I explore something as big as this. It didn’t only look vast from outside, but inside was a whole another world.

Room after room opened before me into another maze. Bedrooms, so many of them I couldn’t keep count. Every floor had a sitting area and every sitting area faced the large floor-to-ceiling windows with the clear of forest. As much as I wanted to wander in the woods, I knew disobeying Azran would lead into an ugly encounter.

As much as the man was kind and gentle, sometimes mischievous, there was no knowing what was the limit to his patience. And something told me, in between the encounters we had, he could take in the same breath he gave.

I lost track of time somewhere between a sunlit balcony on third floor and a dim hallway leading to second floor. My favourite part and the most of the time I spend on, was the lounge area near the fireplace. I loved how antique it was, and gave the warm and cosy vibes. It reminded me of the one we had at home.

It brought a bittersweet ache, I couldn’t rub away.

By the time my legs ached and my head throbbed, the sky outside had begun to soften into late afternoon with blend of pinks and orange. Back in the brothel, we weren’t allowed to step outside, our nights were reserved for screams and tears, while our days were more crueller with the grooming sessions, learning to please men, wearing skimpy outfits to flaunt our assets so that every girl in there looked polished to perfection, body not too think, but not too thick, just the right size so that it could be moulded and over-powered easily.

Sometimes, I wouldn’t get food for days cause my stomach was protruding. I tried to tell them it was basic human anatomy, that it was my uterus and nothing more or less, but my first argument led to whipping session, where I bled and bled for hours and no one came to aid.

Though my scars were fading, but the pain, sometimes I still feel it.

So, when Azran fed me food, gave me a room of my own, gave me a sliver of freedom, I couldn’t be more grateful. These small things for some, were too much for a girl like me.

I knew I didn’t deserve all that, but I couldn’t refuse either, since first bite of an ice-cream as delicious to a man wandering deserts for ages.

My stomach growled, and I realised I hadn’t eaten much since morning, my body running on nerves and unfinished emotions that was too difficult to tackle. Now that I had enough time to ponder without worrying about punishments for wanting to breathe.

I strolled to kitchen deciding I’d grab something light. Maybe a fruit or anything available.

I’d memorised my way around the house now that I’d explored it all day. It was dark and cold when I entered, not finding Loren there, I opened the cabinets with hesitation at random. She wouldn’t mind, right?

Feeling ridiculous not knowing where anything was, finally finding a basket of fruit and a loaf of bread.

A smile tugged my lips as I reached for it, only to stop dead in my tracks.

A strange, creepy feeling crawled up my spine before my mind could catch up. My breath hitched and slowly I turned.

My blood ran cold at the sight of Ian standing there. It made me dizzy so fast, I had to grab the counter to steady myself. I hadn’t heard him enter at all. At my sight, he leaned casually against the counter, arms crossed, mouth curved in a slow smile.

I stepped back on instinct, my heart slamming violently against my ribs. “Well, well, what are you doing here, little thief?”

I swallowed hard, unable to find my voice as I stared into his unsettling light eyes. “I… I was just getting something to eat.” I said, already moving to the exit.

Ian shifted smoothly, blocking the door with his large body and looked down at me.

“And you think you’re allowed to roam freely in this house, without any supervision? As if this house belongs to you?”

His bored voice scrapped my ears in an uneasy manner. My fingers curled into fists. “Azran said I could explore.”

“Azran,” he mused. “First name basis, huh?”

I remained quiet, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me swirling.

His eyes roamed around my body in same way as last night, and I took a step back, tightening the cardigan around myself. He laughed at my action, shaking his head as if my restlessness amused him.

“Explore,” he repeated. “You really believe everything he says?”

I tried to move around him again, but his presence alone halted me.

“You’re not allowed to roam freely, understand,” he continued, eyes dragging over me making my skin crawl. “This isn’t your house. You’re not a guest here. You’re just something he brought home on whim. Something he’ll discard very soon.”

My chest tightened at his words. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

His brows lifted slightly, as if surprised I’d spoken at all. And his smile widened.

“Like what?” He asked. “Like the truth?” He tilted his head and bit his lip. “You’re a toy. That’s all. That’s all the significance you hold in his eyes. He wanted you for pleasure, and he’ll discard you once he gets what he wants.”

Fury flared through the fear. So hot and reckless I found myself speaking even though I knew I shouldn’t. “You don’t get to decide what I am.”

“Oh, this is good,” he said softly. “You’re angry. Little thief has claws, huh?”

My voice trembled despite myself. “I’m not afraid of you.”

He stepped closer, leaning down till I felt his breath against my own and scoffed in a dangerous tone. “You should be.”

“Cause this place,” he lowered his voice. “is hell. And Azran?” he smiled again. “He’s the ruler. Everyone here knows it. You should start counting your days. The longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave.”

My mouth opened, and a dozen of thoughts crashed into each other, but before I could say anything, he reached past me, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, and straightened.

He whistled. And winked. “Enjoy your snack, little thief.”

I stood there as he walked away. My pulse roaring in my ears, my hands shaking as I pressed them against the counter. Everything felt colder now. The warmth was gone, the freedom I thought I had slipped somewhere through my fingers.

I hadn’t eaten a single thing. Whatever illusion of safety and independence I had clung to shattered piece of my courage, leaving behind something far worse than fear.