Chapter 62

Eleanor:

I lay on Killian’s bed, curled under his blanket as I kept his shirt in my arms, wanting to find my peace.

I was quiet and unable to form a proper sentence as I got lost in my thoughts, trying to find one thing that made sense in my brain. And so far, nothing seemed to make any sense to me, and that was something I knew Killian saw in my eyes.

My heart raced against my ribcage and I couldn’t help but find myself curling up as memories played in my head.

Most weren’t the best, but I couldn’t help but find myself grieving. And the thing was, I didn’t even understand why I was in this much pain. However, the idea of me not being able to see him, and not because he didn’t want to see me, but the fact that he passed away, that alone was enough to tear me up more than I could let out.

The man, my father, has hurt me more than anyone else should, and the fact that I knew that I couldn’t do anything about it was something that killed me as I thought of it.

The lack of respect, and zero decency that he forced me to endure, and the anger and pain that I spent days and nights crying about. All that played in my head as I fisted the blanket.

I did ask Killian to go to ‘my’ room. Though I knew that he didn’t like me using the term, I couldn’t find myself thinking of anything else but wanting to stay alone. 

I didn’t even know how Natasha was, and though I initially wanted to go and see her, I couldn’t find it in myself to go anywhere outside this room. And the worst part about this was, I didn’t even know why I was grieving. I just knew that I was in pain, and that was something that I knew even Killian didn’t like.

He knocked on the door twice before walking inside, clearly knowing that I wasn’t going to respond and that I wouldn’t think of moving for the next few more hours.

The smell of food filled my nostrils, and I looked up at him to find him putting the food on the bedside table before sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. My heart ached, and I sat up to look at him only for him to wrap his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. 

One thing that I was thankful about, was the fact that he was allowing me to grieve. It was something that I didn’t think that he would want to see; however, he was giving me the chance to live through the pain and shock that I was feeling.

“I am not hungry, Killian,” I said, pulling away from the hug and he sighed.

“I know, and I know that at this point, you speaking to me is something that I should be thankful for. But malyshka, you are going to end up harming yourself, and that is not something that I want to allow.” He said, and I shook my head. I didn’t want to harm myself, but I was in more pain than I could think of describing. 

The anger that I felt was one that tore everything in me, and the fact that my father died without a fair trial, a trial that fended me, was not something that I could easily get over.

“A small bite would be…”

“I don’t want to eat, Killian,” I said, stopping him.

“Eleanor…”

“I said no,” I snapped, glaring at him. My wolf growled, and I knew that it was a reaction of pain. Killian’s eyes widened in surprise, and taking in the situation, he growled at me. His low growl sent shivers running down my spine, and I couldn’t help but flinch. 

“I understand that you are in pain, Eleanor, but that gives you ZERO right to cross your limits with me.” He said, snapping at me. My heart raced against my chest and I clenched my fist as I tried controlling myself and pain. “Put your brain back inside your head. The man that died…”

“Died easily, with no fair trial, and need I mention, the man that caused me more pain than I could describe was free to roam around as if he owned the world.” I said, stopping him. “Therefore, if you think that I don’t have the right to grieve, then you are very wrong.”

“I never said that, Eleanor. What I don’t like is you starving yourself because of…”

“I am not starving myself.” I said, and he raised an eyebrow at me. My heart raced against my ribcage and he sighed before nodding, no longer wanting to argue with me. He put a hand on my knee and gently squeezed it. I looked down at his hand before I teared up as I looked away from him, not wanting him to see my tears.

“I know that you’re in pain, Eleanor, and I know that him dying like this was not a way that you wanted.” He said, his voice softening as he gently ran his finger over my thigh. “But I am going to be sure to avenge you when it comes to Elton, and he is the devil’s head, the two of us know that.”

“He wouldn’t have been the head if not for my father…”

“Sometimes, a snake can eat the devil slowly.” He said, stopping me. My heart raced against my ribcage and he carefully wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. 

I fisted his shirt as I laid my head on his chest, and he kissed the crown of my head before pulling away to look me in the eye. 

“I know that him being your father holds a heavy weight in your chest, and that is something that I don’t blame you for.” He said, his voice softening. My heart ached, and he gently massaged my shoulder as I lay on his chest. “And I also know that you want to see them being in pain just as they all hurt you. But what you are doing to yourself is only going to affect you,”

“It is normal to be in pain, and it is normal to want to cry and let it out. What would hurt you is you isolating yourself the way that you are and you blocking it inside you.” He said gently. He cupped my cheek and made me look him in the eye before connecting his lips with mine. “So, how about we start with you trusting me enough to open up to me? I promise you that I’ll be the shoulder that you need to cry on.” 

“I have a lot of tears to let out.” I said, and he smiled before wrapping his arm around my right knee, pulling me to curl on his chest.

“Though your tears are more valuable to me than anything in the world,” he said, massaging my thigh. The man pulled me to literally cuddle on his chest,, and despite what I was feeling, I couldn’t help but find myself feeling flustered. “I would rather that you let them out in front of me than behind my back.” 

“Killian…”

“You are no longer alone, Eleanor.” He said, stopping me. “And I think that it is time for you to start realizing that…”