Going to suspect us
"I think we should." I replied, matching his tone. I followed him inside the elevator, but Kent only spoke again when we stepped foot outside the building.
"What the fuck was that about?" He broke out, pointing his finger at me. "How dare you come to my studio and tell me how to run things?"
"You can't be serious Kent. Are you gonna deny you were treating him like a piece of shit? He came here to learn from you, not to be your servant."
He huffed in disbelief. "Oh, so now you're Mr Masculinist all of a sudden?"
I fisted my hands in anger. "Are you fucking serious?! Did you just hear what came out of your mouth? Don't you realize that what you're doing is wrong?"
"Wrong how?" He shrugged his shoulders, pacing on the sidewalk. "David showed more initiative, more creativity, more talent. I can't help that he's quiet as a mouse. He barely speaks up."
I was this close to actually punching him. "Have you even tried to know him a little bit? Have you heard his ideas, seen his talent? Have you encouraged him to speak up? You haven't even given him a chance! You aren't even paying him for goodness's sake... He should be doing art, not slaving away in the kitchen while you boys have all the fun!"
He was silent for a moment, taking in my words.
"Now that I think of it..." He said, his eyes bulging. "You did tell me during the interviews to consider him. It's almost as if you wanted me to choose him in the first place." His chin fell to the floor. "Why are you defending this boy, Felix?"
His insinuation was crystal clear. I had to dismiss those thoughts right away.
"Because he's my fucking student, that's why!" I said, exasperated. "If you were a teacher you'd know what I mean!"
Arguing wasn't leading us anywhere. We had to stop. I knew Kent could be careless and not realize the problematic stuff he did. He wasn't discriminating Blair on the basis of sex on purpose. He just got carried away by his work and he didn't stop for a second to think. Besides, if I kept defending Blair with such passion, his suspicion would only increase.
I took a deep breath and lowered my voice. "Look dude, I'm sorry. You're right, it's your studio, your rules. I get that. But I was shocked when I walked in, I really was. I feel so protective over my students, I just want them to succeed. Please reconsider the way you're distributing work."
My apology calmed him down. "Fuck man, you really get on my nerve sometimes... But I see your point, I guess."
When Kent and I fought, we always ended on a good note. We were each other's best friend, we couldn't stay mad for long. To lighten the mood, Kent lit up two cigarettes, one for him and one for me.
Then, when we were both silently smoking away the tension, Kent brought up a comment that made me deeply uncomfortable. "Is something wrong man? I get why you're mad and the need to be fairer, but like, I've never seen you defend a student like that. Is there anything I should know about?"
I didn't even look at him, just stared off into the distance, focused on my smoke. "Let me guess, you think I have favorites? You know I don't, that's unprofessional."
He huffed. "I was gonna say something else, but since you think having favorites is unprofessional, then having something more with a student is out of the question."
On the outside I was trying to play it cool, but on the inside I was panicking. I just had to play along, be sarcastic, laugh at his insinuations. He'd forget about it soon enough.
"I mean, couldn't blame ya. He's handsome." He said jokingly. I pushed him lightly, telling him to stop. He didn't get the message and continued to joke around. "Be careful now, he's probably going to be swooning about how his professor came to rescue him from the evil, chauvinistic boss."
I fake laughed, but on the inside I was dying. Bile came up to my throat as the panic grew. "Cut it out Kent, it's not funny."
"Hey relax man, I'm just joking." He protested, putting his hands up. "Well, I better go upstairs and clean up the shit you caused."
"Ha ha, very funny." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I should go too. Hope to see you at the conference."
He chuckled. "You and I both know I'm not going, but thanks."
I gave him the middle finger as I walked away to my car.
When I was with my back to Kent, the mask I had put on crumbled. I screwed my eyes shut and ran my fingers through my hair.
Why the fuck did I let my emotions out like that? I didn't regret defending Blair, just the way I did it. I exploded in anger, and in all honesty, I wouldn't have reacted that way for any other student, only him. I was careless and impulsive. I almost blew up the cover, almost.
I was afraid Kent's jokes were more than just that. Maybe he saw right through me and saw I was hiding something.
What a fucking nightmare.
When I got in my car, I noticed I had four new messages from Blair, but what I read wasn't what I expected.
BLAIR: What the fuck was that?!
BLAIR: How dare you come to my workplace and make a scene?
BLAIR: I might get fired Felix, for fuck's sake!
BLAIR: Wtf is Gary gonna think? He's gonna suspect us.
Fuck.
My stomach fell to the floor. Why was he reacting like this? Why wasn't he thanking me?
The panic I was already feeling only got worse. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm down. There was no point in going back to the studio, I had to talk to Blair later.
FELIX: Call me when you can, please.
I drove home in complete agony. The overthinking was killing me.
At around ten at night my phone rang. My heart felt like it was going to explode.
"Blair," I said, picking up the phone. "Listen, let me explain."
"Fuck you!" He said over the line. His words cut through me like a knife. "I can perfectly fend for myself. You didn't have the right to put me on the spot like that. It was so embarrassing!"
"Please, listen to me." I said hurriedly. "I completely lost it when I saw Kent treating you like that. It was demeaning, Blair. Kent can't treat men like that, it's unacceptable! I couldn't just stand there and pretend everything was fine!"
"That's not what this is about!" He shouted. "It's about you coming into my personal life and making decisions for me."
"I was just trying to protect you," I said with honesty. "I thought you'd appreciate someone supporting you—"
"Protect me? Support me?" He cut me off, indignation laced in his voice. Then, I noticed his voice cracking, as if he was holding back tears. "What, like you're a fucking knight? You aren't even my boyfriend. How can you claim you did it to protect me? Give me a break, Felix."
My blood turned to ice as soon as the word boyfriend fell from his trembling lips.
"Blair, Blair, Blair," I interrupted him, trying to make him listen to me. His small sobs in the background of the phone call felt like daggers to the heart. "Where are you? We need to talk in person. This is serious."
"No." He said determinedly. "I don't want to talk to you."
Shit. "Fine, you don't have to talk to me, just listen." I ran my hand through my hair in desperation. "Blair, I'm begging you, let me see you. Let's talk this out. Please."
He was silent for a few seconds. Then, at last, he came around. "I'm at home. Don't be long."
I never sprinted out the door so fast.