Chapter 46: XXI. New Normal-1

"All men are afflicted with some burden or the other," he said, "and one can be fooled into thinking a fellow is uncaring when all he is, is heart-broken." Rehan Khan, A Tudor Turk ---- Chapter XXI – New Normal "I really wish you would have told me, Shea," I whispered after a while. I remembered him asking me about growing up without a dad on our first date, while we were talking down on the beach. And as I shared something deeply personal with him, he had known who my dad was, and what had happened to him. "I wanted to, Sara. Believe me, telling you everything was what I wanted to do. I just thought I was doing the right thing by keeping you out of it. I hadn't counted on you being smart enough to work it out on your own." Shea paused and then frowned. "That was supposed to be a compliment." I managed a small smile. I ran my fingertip over the page, outlining his smile with my nail. "It wasn't my place, no matter how much I wanted it to be," he uttered quietly. "Your mom needed to tell you." "I understand that," I uttered. "But I still can't help but feel lied to," I admitted. "Your heart was in the right place, but you lied to me." I watched as Shea's face fell from hopefully apologetic, to shameful. "If I am supposed to be this important person in your life, then I want complete honesty from you. My dad," my voice cracked, "he waited four years to tell my mom the truth. If he had been honest from the start, then maybe … maybe, she wouldn't have taken me away from him. Maybe," goddammit, more tears, "maybe, he would still be here." I was still feeling all kinds of confused with regards to my mom. She was not innocent here. She had lied to me for seventeen years. She had kept me from knowing about this man, this real person, my daddy, who loved me and wanted me. "Sara, your mother was a frightened, twenty-year-old girl who had just found out monsters were real. Couple that in with pregnancy, and all the fears that come with that, I probably would have made the same decision were I in her shoes." Shea and I both turned to the entrance of the living room. Standing there was a woman who could only be Shea's mom. What caught me immediately were her eyes. Her large, brown eyes, that were so incredibly sad. She was pale, and very slender, and probably the same height as Cece. Her hair was an ashy blonde, though there were sporadic greys, and it looked thin and wavy. She wore comfortable house clothes, sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, the sleeves only emphasizing how thin her arms were. She looked like life was incredibly hard for her, and she looked on the wrong side of thin. I could see exactly why Shea felt the need to look after her. This woman had lost her soulmate. I then began to register exactly what she'd said to me. "Mom, this is Sara. Sara, this is my mom, Karen," Shea introduced softly. Karen managed a smile, as she walked into the room. "The last time I saw you, Sara, you still smelled like a newborn." Karen sat down on the armchair that was adjacent to the couch we were sitting on. "It's nice to … see you again, Mrs Braverman," I replied politely. "Karen, please," she insisted. "Shea and Cece have talked about you constantly since you and your mother arrived back in Providence. I'm glad I could finally get to see how you've grown up. And you have done, beautifully." "Mom," Shea hissed, but I quite enjoyed this change. His mother was embarrassing him. This was normal. "Thank you, Karen," I said gratefully. "I know this must be a shock for you. It would be a complete shock to anyone who wasn't born into it," she said with understanding. "But I don't want you to be too hard on Shea, or your mother. Both of them only want what is best for you. "I knew your mother. Amanda and I were friends. And I have never seen anyone more afraid, and more completely out of their element than I had when your father brought Amanda into our pack to meet us all. He had wanted to for years, but he was afraid, and for good reason, it turned out. "Amanda tried so hard to be a part of us. She really did. But she was a kid herself, with her own issues, and on top of that, she had found out that she was pregnant. Knowing that she was going to be a mother brought Amanda clarity, I think. The decision to protect your child above anything else is second nature to a mother. She did what she thought was best for you." But how could taking me away from my father be what's best for me? "I understand where you are all coming from. I know that my wellbeing was at the forefront of all your minds, but it would have been nice to be consulted," I said quietly. "I don't want anyone deciding what is best for me. I decide." I stood up from the couch and took a deep breath. "Shea, can you take me home, please?" I asked. Shea nodded and stood silently, an expression of apprehension on his face. "It was really nice to meet you, Karen," I said sincerely. "You as well, Sara. I hope to see you again soon," she replied, following us out to the front door. The car ride back into town was a silent one. I could tell that Shea was tense and nervous. He had done something wonderful this afternoon, in showing me my dad, but he had also revealed yet another untruth. He knew who my dad was all this time. I got it. I knew he was trying to protect me. Just like Mom was trying to protect me. But at the end of the day, they were still lying to me. Mom's lie … Mom's was way worse. Mom had lied to me my entire life. Starting from giving me wrong information about my father's death. She had told me he had died when I was two. From what I had learned, it sounded as though he had died shortly after I was born. She had let me believe he was little more than a sperm donor by neglecting to tell me anything about him. She hadn't told me that she had been the one to leave him. She hadn't told me that he had wanted a family, or that he had been excited to be my dad. And perhaps the biggest lie of all was that my DNA was … well, I wasn't entirely sure what the hell was in my DNA. I certainly couldn't transform into a creature, but what would she have done if I had been able to? Leave meas well? I knew that was ridiculous, but really, my Mom had a lot to answer for. And Shea? I stole a glance sideways at him. His eyes were firmly fixed on the road. His arms were tense, and his hands were firmly placed at a ten and two o'clock position. I could tell that it was killing him not asking me questions or knowing what was going on inside my head. I didn't even know what was going on inside my head. Shea pulled up outside my house, and I saw that my mom's Mercedes was still there. She hadn't left. Shea cut the engine, and let his arms drop to his sides. I heard him exhale. "Do you want me to come inside?" he asked softly. "No," I replied. "I think it's best if Mom and I talk alone." Shea nodded. "I honestly think I'm okay with the lycan thing," I told him after a moment of silence. I didn't know how that was the easiest part of today to get over, but it was. "It's the lying that's really bothering me." "I'm sorry, Sara," he said sincerely. "I don't know how to make it okay but to apologise." In one day, I had both gained and lost a dad. This was mostly because of my mom's lies, but Shea had known. I knew his heart had been in the right place, and I knew it was Mom who needed to be the one to tell me, but it was still bothering me.