Chapter 35: XVI. Say That Again-1

"Love is no game. People cut their ears off over this stuff. People jump off the Eiffel Tower and sell all their possessions and move to Alaska to live with the grizzly bears, and then they get eaten and nobody hears them when they scream for help. That's right. Falling in love is pretty much the same thing as being eaten alive by a grizzly bear." Jess Rothenberg, The Catastrophic History of You and Me ---- Chapter XVI – Say That Again Sure enough, Mom was sitting in the armchair, cup of coffee in hand, wearing a disapproving expression on her face. She was wearing her robe, and her face was scrubbed free from makeup. "Saraphine, no matter what happens between us, that is no excuse to be out until after midnight!"she scolded. She set her coffee on the table and stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "I have been worried sick!" Good, I thought. I stalked past her and stomped up the stairs loudly. When I got to my room, I slammed my door. I knew they were both childish acts, but what else did I have? I wouldn't be talking to her until she told me the truth, anyway. I stripped off my clothes and changed into my pyjamas, quickly climbing underneath the covers before I realised that I needed to brush my teeth. Groaning, I climbed out of bed and darted across the landing to the bathroom. Mom was behind me in seconds as I squeezed the toothpaste onto my toothbrush. "Sara," she appealed firmly. "No matter how angry you are about my decisions, they are still mydecisions to make while you are still a minor and living under my roof. You are my child, whether you like it or not, and every decision I have made for this family has been to ensure that you have a safe and happy life. I understand that moving to Providence has forced you to encounter certain complications, shall we say, that I had not believed we would face, but it is no reason to freeze out your mother and give me the silent treatment." You want to bet? I felt like saying. Instead, I just brushed my teeth, looking at only myself in the mirror, and not meeting Mom's eyes. "I love you, Sara," she told me sincerely. "More than my own life. I hope you understand the capacity of a mother's love one day. Then, and only then, will you understand the decisions I have made for you." With that, she left me, and my icy resolve melted a little. Goddammit, I knew she loved me. I loved her, too. She was my mom. I loved my mom. But the lies! The dishonesty! I spat out my toothpaste and retreated into my room. Standing before my bed, and looking at my window, I thought about how Shea had been here with me for two nights. It was a huge deal for me, but it felt right, and it honestly felt like I would be doing it for a long, long time. It was like being hurt all over again Shea knowing how I felt about such intimacies and him going and doing this to me. It was like he was showing he cared in a completely "I don't give a crap" kind of way. I slept terribly again. The bags under my eyes were becoming my face's newest permanent tenants and I was starting to break out from the stress I was under. I hated that I had the skin type that showed exactly what was going on in my life. I half-heartedly covered what I could with concealer and powder and got ready for school. Mom was already gone, but she had left me a coffee in a travel mug and some banana oatmeal. The bananas formed the shape of a heart in the bowl and I had to roll my eyes. If she thought some sliced fruit was going to make me forget what she did then she had another thing coming. Still, I was hungry. I quickly had a few bites and a few sips of coffee, before grabbing my work uniform from the laundry and leaving for school. I didn't wait in the parking lot today. If Shea showed up, I didn't care. I was two pissed to say a kind word to him. I took my books to the library which I found was open. There were a few other students, mostly seniors, in the library studying, and so I found an empty table and opened my English book. I had neglected my homework over the weekend through sheer preoccupation with boys. When did I become thatgirl? About the time you looked into Shea's chocolate brown eyes, my subconscious told me. "Shut up," I said under my breath as I forced myself to concentrate on what I was reading. I studied up to the first bell, my distraction technique working so well that I was nearly late for Spanish. I had to book it, and I raced into the classroom just as Señora Gomez was about to take attendance. She raised a disapproving eyebrow at me as I immediately started towards the back of the classroom to my usual seat, and I stopped abruptly when I realised that Cece was back there, too. Cece looked terrible, too, but for Cece, which meant that she still looked like she belonged in Sports Illustrated, but with a sad look on her face. I considered sitting somewhere else, but there were no empty desks. Even the seat beside Liza was taken by someone who had been absent yesterday. I sighed, adjusting my bag on my shoulder, and I made my way to my seat. Cece turned her body to me as soon as I sat down and she grabbed my hands in hers. "Sara, I'm so sorry!" she whispered, but the expression in her voice was sincere and regretful. However, I wasn't in a sympathetic mood. "Oh, you're allowed to talk to me today, are you?" I replied sarcastically. Cece pursed her lips awkwardly. "Sara, you don't understand." So I had been told. Many, many times. "Enlighten me," I snapped quietly, before responding to my name on the roll call.