Chapter 34: XV. Bonfire-2

"Do you think I was born yesterday?" I challenged. If one more person told me a lie today I thought I might hurl them into the ocean. "Why were Shea and Lex fighting?" I asked tensely. Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Male hormones, I guess." I felt myself start to shake as I seriously doubted my ability to toss six-foot five Matt in the sea no matter how I wanted to. "Do you know what Lex was talking about?" I tried again, still wanting the truth more than anything. I saw conflict and panic momentarily cross Matt's face, which was quickly replaced with relief as a figure came towards us, jogging down the beach from the direction of my house. He didn't need to come into the light for me to know it was Shea. Shea and Matt shared a strange nod before Matt disappeared and Shea stood before me. Shea looked a mess, even worse considering the bruises on his face. But now he was shirtless, wearing only a pair of khaki shorts, and I noticed that his torso was covered in little bruises and healing, or already healed, cuts. In the light of the fire, Shea was glistening with sweat. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he caught his breath, as though he had run the half hour drive it would take to get here. His brown eyes flicked over my body, and he shared a similar relief when he saw that I was perfectly fine. Physically. Emotionally, I was a damn wreck. "Are you okay?" he asked me quietly. My eyes flared. "No, I'm not okay, Shea," I spat angrily. "Lex didn't …" Shea couldn't even finish his sentence as he began to shake with anger. "No," I snapped. "I feel like I'm going out of my mind!" I cried. "Everything has gone to shit! Everybody is lying to me! Everybody is keeping secrets from me! Even Lexseems to know things about me that I don't know." You've really got no idea who you are, do you? What could he mean by that? Who am I? I suddenly realised that Shea didn't have a shirt on. Quicker than he was ready for, I flitted behind him, and my suspicions were confirmed. Shea had an injury on his back. A freaking big one. Threefreaking big ones. Down the entire length of Shea's back, he had been cut, sliced, by something sharp and jagged. The cuts were parallel, messy, and they looked incredibly painful. But they had been stitched. Hundreds of little sutures were fixed into his back to hold the cuts together, and they were protected by a clear bandage. I would bet every dollar I had that this was why Shea was at my house the other night. Mom sewed him up. I cupped my hands over my mouth as I gasped, and Shea spun around to shield me from the sight. Tears filled my eyes. This wasn't just a punch up. If Lex had tried to stab Shea then he ought to be in jail! It was freaking attempted murder! What the hell kind of family drama would lead to such a crime! "Sara –" Shea started, but I interrupted him. "God help me, Shea, if the next words out of your mouth are a lie then I will never speak to you again," I threatened. Shea recoiled slightly but nodded. "I'm okay, I promise," he said, choosing his words carefully. His eyes were so soft and sad as he spoke. "I swear to you, I want to tell you what's going on, but I want you as far from this as possible. I am going to keep Lex away from you, I promise you that." "Why?" I demanded to know. "Maybe he might tell me what's going on." Lex might be … I don't know, bipolar or something, but he seemed like he would be more willing to share. But then, I wasn't so eager for a third encounter after seeing Shea's back. Shea's eyes narrowed. "That's not funny," he snapped. "I'm not laughing," I retorted. "Sara," Shea said softly. "Sara!" We both looked up when we heard my name being called from the direction of the bonfire. Josh was running over towards me, a dopey grin on his face, as though he was already three beers in. Shea tensed, but I smiled. "Hey!" I greeted. "I was just coming over." When Josh reached us, he appraised Shea, confused. "Braverman, it's like fifty degrees." He laughed, as he gestured to Shea's lack of clothing. Josh then put his arm around my shoulders, and I knew that Shea wanted to hit him. "I don't get cold," Shea snapped as he glared at Josh's arm. "Okay, well there's beer in the keg if you're interested. C'mon Sara, we're roasting marshmallows." Josh pulled me towards the bonfire and I went willingly. My head needed a break. "More like incinerating them," Josh continued. "The fire is too hot. They just burn." He laughed, and the ease and the simpleness of this conversation about marshmallows had quickly become the best part of my day. Josh sat down with me and a bit of driftwood. His cup of beer was wedged in the sand and he quickly returned to it, all the while handing me a stick and the bag of marshmallows. I recognised a lot of the people here. Most of the football team, a handful of cheerleaders, I saw the lacrosse team, and the basketball team, and the girls' softball team. Pretty much every sport was represented. And all of them, when they saw me, at least smiled in greeting. None of Shea's friends were here, and I was glad. I pushed a marshmallow down onto the stick and held it just close enough to the flame for it to toast. I did actually want to eat mine, and I saw the collection of marshmallow ash in the embers of the fire. I stole a quick glance over to where I had been standing with Shea, and I saw that he was still there, only now he was sitting down on the sand … watching me. No, actually he was watching Josh. "What's up with you and Braverman?" Josh asked, repeating the conversation we had earlier today in the cafeteria. My marshmallow was now perfectly toasted. I pulled it off of my stick and it melted into a gooey mess in my hand. I did my best to eat it as gracefully as possible. "Nothing," I said, licking my fingers. "We're not together anymore." How could we be when all there was between us was lies and secrets? "Does he know that?" Josh nodded over to him. I could have sworn I saw Shea's shoulder blades tense at the comment. But he couldn't possibly hear us from where he was sitting. "He was the one who ended it," I replied. It was entirely Shea's decision to ruin whatever was blossoming between us. "Oh, I'm sorry." "It's okay." It most certainly was not okay, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I changed the topic of conversation to marshmallows, and Josh and I had a wonderful time lighting them on fire. We danced to the music, I even had a sip of his beer, which I hated, and by the time it was around midnight, the bonfire was being extinguished and people were starting off home. I had a really good time with Josh. He was so normal, and the drunker he got, the more entertaining, normal, and funny he was. He really made me laugh when he realised he had a calculus quiz in the morning, and he quickly asked me desperately what calculus was. Something told me he was going to get an F on that one. That's what happened when you partied on a Monday. "Do you want me to take you home?" Josh asked, his words slurring slightly. "No, that's okay," I replied, smiling. "I live just up there. Are you going to be okay getting home?" I wouldn't let him drive. If I had to, I would go and get my car. "Oh yeah," he chuckled. "Garrett's the tee-tolater," he assured me. I was glad there was at least one person who was sober. Josh hugged me goodbye in a platonic way. It wasn't romantic between us. At least it wasn't on my end, but I thought that he felt the friendship between us as well. I hoped that he could be my friend. I needed one. As people began to leave, I noticed all the plastic cups that had been left on the beach, and I couldn't leave them. I decided to gather them and put them in my trash when I got home. I began to stack them in my hand, finding a new one every two feet or so. I wasn't alone. He didn't leave. I knew he wouldn't leave. Shea began to help me, gathering the cups on the other side of the bonfire. "This doesn't make up for … everything, you know," I reminded him quietly. "Hey, fourteen billion pounds of trash end up the ocean each year. I'm just thinking of the dolphins," he said defensively, but I could tell he was trying to be cute. I wasn't having it. I cleaned up with him in silence, and Shea didn't try to be casual again. We walked back to my house together and placed the cups in the trash. I would look up local recycling programs tomorrow to see if there was anywhere locally that took number six plastic and if there was, then I would rescue them from the trash. I knew Mom would be waiting up for me. I was now well past curfew and I knew she would try to punish me. If she wanted me to obey her rules then she ought to be more honest with me. "Will you be seeing him again?" Shea asked me as we stood on my porch. His voice sounded really vulnerable, and I could tell that seeing me with Josh had really bothered him. Well, you know what had bothered me? Seeing hundreds of stitches in his back without any context, or without him even telling me that he'd been hurt. "Yes," I replied. He didn't know that it wasn't going to be romantic. I knew I was being childish, but I felt like I earned it. Shea pursed his lips and nodded. He was doing his best to mask his emotions. "I can't … I can't … bring you into this. It's not safe for you." I huffed in exasperation. "Do you know what? I am sick of people telling me what is and isn't safe for me. I am not a child. I am old enough to decide for myself." Shea flinched and I sighed. "I know that you care about me. I know my mom loves me. But all you're doing is hurting me by lying to me. If you're so worried, just tell me what I need to be afraid of." "You don't have to be afraid," Shea promised me, responding almost immediately. "I will protect you," he swore. Somehow, I couldn't be afraid. I couldn't let myself be scared of a threat that I was unaware of. I couldn't be scared when I felt such anger, frustration and exasperation towards the people who were supposed to care about me more than anything. Shea wasn't going to tell me anything. He was trying to keep me out of whatever this was, but he was woefully failing. He thought that if I didn't know then I would be safe in the dark, or at least that is what I'd deduced from our cryptic conversations. But all he was doing was fuelling my determination to learn the truth. I turned around, grabbed the spare key from under the eave and let myself into the house without saying goodbye to Shea. --- Vote and comment