Chapter 6: IN SPITE OF YOU

Fear clutched Lily’s chest, nearly crippling her as Raymond tightened his hold on her wrist. His eyes were a burning furnace of fury as he held her captive, cutting off the blood supply to her hand, and leaving her fingers feeling numb. In that second, she was certain he would hit her.

Clenching her teeth, she braced herself for the impact of his fist on whatever part of her body he would deem fit. But the impact never came as his grip remained firmly on her, his fingernails burying themselves in her skin. She pressed her lips together to keep from howling in pain, knowing full well that she was helpless to fight back.

Then, as suddenly as he had taken her captive, he released her.

He stepped back, as if in realization of his error, before turning around. She watched as his gaze swept the room, moving from one child to the other, before he stumbled out of the room, leaving the door wide open.

Lily stood frozen on the spot, her heart racing in her chest and threatening to explode. She felt her hands tremble by her sides, and while she tried to move, her feet remained rooted to the floorboards, holding her prisoner.

It wasn’t until she felt small arms encircle her legs, she realized she hadn’t been breathing. A loud gasp escaped her lips, air filling her lungs as tears simultaneously stung her eyes. Her hands flew to her mouth to keep herself from sobbing.

She waited until she was certain her tears wouldn’t break loose and her breathing was regulated, before going to her knees on the wooden floor.

“I’m alright, Millie,” she whispered, fear lacing her voice as she stared into Millie’s teary brown eyes.

Millie shook her head, wrapping her arms around Lily’s neck, as if certain that if she let go, more harm would come to Lily.

“Perhaps it’s time to go to bed.” Lily kissed her cheek, lifting her up in her arms. She felt Millie bury her face in her neck as she continued to sob.

Once on her feet, Lily’s gaze traveled the room to find the children staring solemnly at her, even Scarlet. In a split second, Lily thought she saw pity flash through Scarlet’s eyes, but as quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared, and Scarlet turned to the side.

Lily forced an encouraging smile to her lips, hoping to reassure the children she was fine, even if she knew she was anything but fine. She was terrified beyond words by Raymond’s behavior earlier. Never in her life had she seen a man treat a woman with such fury, neither had she ever stared into eyes as deadly as his.

Certain she couldn’t survive another episode if it occurred again, every instinct in her body told her to take her belongings and leave. What assurance did she have that it wouldn’t happen again? Perhaps she had been a fool to think marriage to a complete stranger would work. For all she knew, she was married to the devil, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to stay in his hell.

Millie stirred in her arms, leaning her head against her shoulder. Lily instinctively reached up and smoothened Millie’s hair, before leaning slightly against her head.

Something warm fluttered in her heart at the feeling of holding the child in her arms, and in that second, her eyes scanned the room once more; Scarlet still hadn’t turned around, and the others seemed to be on the verge of falling asleep. A wave of pity washed over Lily at the sight of the children. They were malnourished—food, clothes, toys, and love. They all seemed to have learned to survive on their own, without a mother and without a father. They fell asleep without bedtime stories or lullabies. They ate very little and spoke less. They never played, and they hardly smiled. While Lily had tried in the few days, she had spent in the house to get them to like her, they seemed afraid to do so.

It wasn’t until Lily heard Millie’s soft snores against her shoulder, that she realized the children weren’t just afraid to like her, they were afraid to love her. There was something in them, something that came with age and experience—which explained why Millie didn’t have it yet—that had seemed to convince them they would lose whatever they love. Because they had already lost everything they ever loved.

***

Shame.

It raced through every joint in Raymond’s body until he was burying his head in hay.

The second Raymond released Lily’s wrist and walked out of the room; he regretted his actions. He knew, whether or not he liked to admit to it, that she went for those apples because she thought she was doing the right thing. He had plenty of time to go over their conversations—however little they had been—and he realized then that he never even warned her about the tree.

He groaned, pushing himself to a sitting position and running his fingers through his hair. He had been so furious he hadn’t stopped to think about his actions or the implications they would have on his children, the most obvious being Lily’s impending departure. God only knew what Lily would think of him. She, most likely, thought he was a liar and a brute—he had lied about his children and had nearly ripped her arm out, none of which she deserved.

He remembered, clear as day, the fear he saw in her eyes. She almost seemed certain he would hit her. Yet, with every second that ticked by, the only person he wanted to hit was himself.

Raymond was jolted back to the present when he heard the barn door opening. His eyes darted to the door, an oil lamp lighting up the dark barn. It took a while, but he finally recognized who held the lamp.

Rising to his feet slowly, he ran his fingers through his hair nervously. Her eyes fixed on him and he half expected her to say something, to announce her intention to leave. What sane woman wouldn’t leave, anyway? He had given her many reasons not to stay, not once giving her a reason to stay.

She began moving, her white silk night coat sweeping the dirty floors of the barn. A part of him wanted to race to her side and sweep her off her feet, because the sight of her in the barn looked wrong. There was something serene about her, something that made her beauty seem extreme, and that suddenly made his mouth feel dry.

Everything in him told him to apologize to her before she reached him, but he couldn’t speak. All he could do was watch her ‘glide’ towards him.

She reached where he stood, frozen to the spot. Standing at about five four, her head merely reached his chest. Yet, she seemed tall as she stood still before him, her right hand clutching the lamp.

“I knew I would find you here,” she began, her soft voice echoing in the darkness. Her fingers seemed to clutch tightly to the lamp, as she lifted her eyes to him, holding his gaze. “My mother used to make a special apple pie... she breathed, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She only made it once a year, on Christmas Eve, and would serve it every Christmas morning. But until then, she forbad Father and me from even going near it. Every year, every holiday, we couldn’t touch the pie because it was reserved. Until one night…” Her voice faded as she continued to hold his gaze. “I was in the kitchen when I heard a noise outside. When I opened the back door, there was a dirty, ugly-looking cat outside. At first glance, he appeared dead, and it broke my heart. But as I leaned down, I heard him make a sound. It was faint and barely audible, but I heard it and it was all I needed to defy my mother.” She took a step towards him and lifted her chin up. “I took that pie Mother treasured, and I fed it to that cat, even if I knew Mother would be furious the next morning.”

He stiffened as she leaned closer to him.

“I came here to tell you, Raymond McAllister, that I do not apologize for my actions. If you forbid me from feeding your children, who direly need nutrition, then you will…” She shook her head. “You must find an alternative. You will work this land and you will grow some crops and you will feed your children, or I swear to you, I will take those apples in spite of you.”

She leaned back then, holding his gaze for a few more seconds, as if daring him to speak. Speechless, he stood watching her. She nodded after a few seconds, before turning around and making her way out of the barn.

She left him standing alone in the darkness.