Chapter 95: Chapter Ninety-Five - Mustaches & Miss-taches

Studmuffin was here?!

I nearly leaped out of my hide hole to search for him, but I somehow managed to put my mental brakes on that. This cat glitter could belong to any cat and could’ve been brought in by anyone. Still, the only person here currently not wearing a coat was Parker Lee. One, or maybe all of the coats on Cass’s coatrack, probably belonged to Parker.

Was he the catnapper?

I quickly fired off a text to Travis: Stud mite b here. Cas found fir. No time for spell check, and obviously I couldn’t use my voice-to-text app. Hopefully he understood.

His phone chimed. After he read my text, he shoved his phone into his pocket, his face about four shades paler. “Welp, you’ve been very helpful, but I think I’ll be going now.”

“Fine,” Parker said with a sigh. “I’ll give you twenty-one bucks each.”

Travis whistled low. “A whole dollar difference? I might as well go back to being bored at work. At least there, I can pay myself much better than your sorry offer.” He stalked toward the front door. “Good day to you, Mr. Lee.”

“And to you, Mr. Black.” As soon as Travis left, Parker locked the door behind him and flipped the Open sign to Closed. “What a tool and a half.”

Funny that at one time, I’d agree with that sentiment. Not anymore though.

Parker stomped back up the staircase, and as soon as he did, I unlocked the door for Travis.

“I’m standing outside,” he whispered in the doorway. “If anyone asks, tell them I’m outstanding.”

Groaning, I pulled him inside by his coat lapels and gently shut the door behind him. “Now’s not the time for jokes.”

“He called you a tool and a half,” Cass said, coming out of hiding from the coatrack. “That’s a compliment for sure since tools are useful. I’m not sure why he was complimenting you though because he looked ready to make you disappear.”

Travis nodded. “If he had anything to do with Studmuffin’s catnapping, then let’s assume he could make any of us disappear.”

“Stay together,” I told them, “and let’s look for more clues.”

“And don’t get caught,” they both said.

Travis grinned at Cass. “You catch on quick.”

She shrugged. “I learned from the best.”

We’d pretty much covered the first floor, so I pointed to the stairs then put my finger to my lips. As one, we crept toward the first step. They were wooden, and by the look of them, they creaked. Loudly. To lessen the risk of sound, I stretched my leg up to the third step, skipping the first two. My muscles didn’t appreciate that one bit. Pretty sure I’d earned at least one defined ab for that, if not two, though.

We made it to the second floor without any disasters.

But then Cass gasped.

Panicking, I turned to her and clutched her arm in case she was thinking about rolling back down the stairs or saw Parker or something. But she was staring toward one end of an empty hallway with two closed doors on either side.

“What is it?” I whispered.

“Parker’s ghost is right there.” She pointed. “He’s staring at us.”

“A ghost?” Travis hissed. “Is it the jibber-jabber type who will run and tell Parker he saw us?”

“Good question.” I didn’t think I’d told Travis about Cass’s ability to see future ghosts or not, but I was thankful for his usual “just go with the crazy” attitude since we didn’t have time to explain.

“I’m not sure,” Cass whispered. “But now he has two Sharpies, one in each hand. He seems thrilled about it.”

I nodded slowly and then gave the empty hallway two thumbs-up. “Um, I really liked your mustache addition to the painting downstairs. Five stars. So…we won’t tell if you won’t.”

“He’s smiling,” Cass said.

“Does that mean it’s a deal?” Travis asked.

Cass’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. He disappeared into the wall.”

“Let’s keep searching,” I said, “and maybe we can find another Sharpie to bribe him with.”

“Yes,” Cass breathed, starting down the hallway. “Brilliant.”

Travis quirked an eyebrow at me. “Bribery too?”

“Paws before laws. Anything for Studmuffin,” I said. “Whatever we have to do to change catnapping back to its intended meaning of a cat napping. Even if I have to turn all of myself turquoise.”

“Huh?” Travis said with a raised eyebrow.

I took off my glove, rolled up my coat sleeve, and showed him my mermaid arm. “I’ll explain later.”

“Wow, okay. Impressive.” He started to turn to go after Cass, but I slid my hand into his to stop him.

“Hey, thanks for being here with me,” I told him. “It means a lot.”

“I just wish I’d got to you sooner.” A sad smile briefly crossed his face. “In every way that matters.”

My heart broke and then broke again at how sweet that was, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. Keeping our hands clasped together, we followed after Cass.

She’d gone inside the room on the left of the hallway and was peeking underneath one of those fancy beds surrounded with sheer, golden curtains. She turned when we entered, and when she saw our entwined fingers, she smiled.

“A bed meant for a king, but Studmuffin isn’t anywhere near it,” she said.

“His Majesty would love this. He might even let me have one tiny corner of it for myself.” Sadness coated my voice. I sure missed my little fluffer-stinker.

Travis and I joined in the searching, though what exactly we were looking for other than my cat, I had no idea.

And then I saw it. Another clue. Maybe… Tucked in the corner on the floor lay a little ceramic bowl with paw prints tracked across the bottom of it in black paint. The bowl was filled with water. Next to the bowl lay a white whisker.

I gasped. Was it Studmuffin’s?

“Did you find something?” Travis asked.

Footsteps sounded right above us and then approached the stairs. The three of us flinched with each thunderous boom down them. We stared at each other, and I was positive we were each thinking the same thing—don’t come to this floor! Our eyes went wider when we realized that’s exactly where the footsteps were heading.

“Quick! Panic!” I hissed.

“Done! Now what?” Cass whispered.

Travis pointed underneath the large bed, and all of us dove underneath. The very next second, the door to this room opened. The man with no pants who liked to dance started up his circus whistling again as he marched inside. Once again, I was in a position to only see his shoes—brown leather loafers instead of flip-flops. Thankfully the weather had driven him to wear pants to cover his hairy legs.

He set down a big box right in front of the bed. The he opened it and began unpacking whatever was inside.

Great. Juuuuust wonderful. Now the three of us were trapped here, packed in like sneaky sardines.

Only I wasn’t so sure we were alone underneath the bed. How did I know this? Because I looked over at Cass next to me, and my chin hit the floor. Drawn above her upper lip in shiny black ink was a dramatically curly mustache.

Oh. No.

Her shoulders bouncing, she squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her mouth together tightly. She was laughing about it! I mean, how could she not?

I jerked my head to Travis on my other side. He’d frozen into a sphinx, his palms and forearms on the floor and his upper torso half raised up. Why had he struck a yoga pose? Because a brand new mustache was slowly taking form on his face. The Sharpie moved in midair in front of him.

We were like the painting downstairs—unable to resist or run away from our new facial hair. Smart, really. I liked Parker’s future ghost much better than I liked him, even though I was sure my turn was next.

Then a tickle started in my nose.

You see, not only was I allergic to freshly mowed grass, but I was also allergic to lying on a thick film of dust underneath beds. Yep, I was about to sneeze.

Just then, a cold, wet Sharpie line traced over my upper lip. My turn. What horrible timing because the tickle on my face only worsened the tickle in my nose. I firmed my lips together to catch the coming sneeze, which seemed to delight Parker’s future ghost. He brought out his other Sharpie, and now they both made curlicues on my face.

Not. Helping.

I sneezed. I couldn’t help it. It just fell out, and the two Sharpies creating my mustache sailed up my cheeks with my uncontrolled movement.

Travis and Cass stared at me in horror, then Cass burst into silent giggles again.

“Is someone there?” Parker asked in his strange circus voice.

Ugh. Of course he’d heard it. How could he not? If he came looking for the source of the sound, he’d definitely find us. What now?

Her shoulders still shaking with laughter, Cass put her finger to her lips. Then she did something so unexpected, my brain almost couldn’t compute it.

She burst out from under her side of the bed, dragging the blanket off the top as she went. In her best ghostly voice, she crooned, “Tonight, you will be haunted by, um, the Number-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named spirits.”

Parker screeched like a little girl. His footsteps pounded out of the room.

Relief flooded through me so hard, I bonked my forehead on the dust-covered floor. “Nice thinking, Cass.”

Her face suddenly appeared underneath my side of the bed. “Boo.”

“Ack!” Travis and I both shrieked, then I shushed myself while I took in Cass’s appearance.

The dust all over her face from under the bed really did give her a ghostly quality. Pair that with her new mustache and the blanket wrapped around her from her head to her sandals, and she looked like she’d strolled right out of Charles Dickens’s classic Christmas tale.

“Good thinking, Cass,” I said.

Travis hauled his big frame out from underneath the bed. “I mustache you a question though.”

Cass and I snorted.

“Do you think he bought it?” Travis stood and tried to brush off the layers of dust that covered him too. With his new mustache, he also looked like a ghost from the nineteenth century. “Or is he coming back with his ghost busting ghost trap?”

“We’re not sticking around to find out,” I told him as I headed toward the door.

“But Studmuffin?” Cass whispered.

“I mean we’re not sticking around in this room. There’s a water dish over there in the corner. There was a whisker there too that’s now in my pocket. If Studmuffin’s here, we’ll haunt this place until we find him.”

“One of Studmuffin’s whiskers?” Cass asked hopefully.

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

As we entered the room across the hall, Travis leaned down to mutter, “Is it weird that your mustache makes you look even better to me?”

“Mine’s more of a miss-tache since most of it’s on my nose and forehead, but yes. It’s weird.”

“That’s fair,” he said with a nod. “I have more questions, but I’ll shave them for later.”

I covered my laughter with my hand. How was it that on the worst day of my life, he could still make me laugh? What kind of sorcery did this vampire—and at one time my mortal enemy—have over me? It was strange and unexpected, and I didn’t hate it. Far from it.

I slipped my hand into his again while we searched the rest of the second floor. It felt so natural there, so comfortable, that I didn’t want to let go. So I didn’t, even as we tiptoed up to the third floor.

Down the hall to the right, past the staircase, it sounded like Parker was flinging boxes around inside one of the rooms. It shocked me that he hadn’t flung himself out the front door instead. That’s what normal scared people did. Was he looking for something, possibly a weapon to use against ghosts who weren’t really ghosts?

On our end of the hallway, the two rooms we hadn’t yet searched were locked.

“Leave them to me,” Travis whispered. “I always come to our Crime Club meetings prepared.” He whipped out his lock-picking kit from his pocket with a too-excited gleam in his hazel eyes. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this.”

“Calm down there, Hairy Houdini.” I patted his cheek near his new mustache and then turned to face the other end of the hallway. “We’ll go haunt this direction.”

“Okay.” Travis squatted in front of one of the doors. “Just make Parker scream if you need me.”

Cass and I crept toward the open doorway where Parker lurked. Past that room was another darkened one at the very end.

A loud creak under our feet pulled us both up short. Parker, too, because his box-flinging stopped.

“Anyone there?” he called, his clown voice shaking even more than usual. “I’ve got a weapon, and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Oh, he was afraid all right, but the very last thing I wanted to do was face a circus man with a weapon. I needed to float past him silently. Since I wasn’t a ghost and couldn’t do that, I had to go with option B—hanging upside down from my broom.

I squeezed Cass’s arm, hoping she’d get that message, then climbed onto my broom and chomped down on the end. I rocketed upward and crashed against the ceiling with a great boom.

“Ah!” Parker screeched and slammed the door shut on himself.

Well, so much for stealth. But the force of my not-so-friendly meeting with the ceiling knocked me upside down, so thanks for that, I guess.

I floated quietly down the hallway into the dark, open room. For some reason, it smelled like burning rubber in here, and mirrors of all shapes and sizes covered the walls. From the light in the hallway, I saw my reflection in each one. And each time I looked away, I swore I saw a black cat tail in my periphery.

“Studmuffin?” I whispered. “Are you in here?”

No answer. No more black cat tails either.

I circled the room several more times. Maybe I was just seeing things again.

Other than the two rooms Travis was lock-picking open, I only had one more to search—the one with Parker Lee in it. How was I supposed to do that? Ghost-of-Christmas-past him out of there?

I aimed my broom toward the hallway, figuring I’d do just that.

Cass saw me coming, nodded once, and reached for the knob on Parker’s door. With her other hand, she held up four fingers for a countdown.

When she flicked to the Number That Shall Not Be Named, I glanced up at Travis’s progress so far at the other end of the hallway. He already had one door open wide and was kneeling in front of the second. He was the picture of calm concentration while he jiggled two metal thingies into the lock.

Cass counted down to two fingers.

A light click sounded from Travis’s door. With a triumphant smile, he opened it.

Cass showed one finger, the grip of her other hand tightening on the doorknob.

And then I saw four of her fingers, the one she still held up and three others skittering out of the room Travis had just unlocked.

My jaw dropped. Cass’s missing fingers were here!

Travis reeled backwards in shock and windmilled his arms. There wasn’t a wall or door to catch him, so he crashed onto his back into the first room he’d unlocked.

With no other place to go, Cass’s missing fingers headed right for us.

She folded her final finger still attached to her hand down and wrenched open the door, completely oblivious as to what was about to scamper between her feet.

All of this I saw upside down from my broom. The blood rushing to my head must’ve really affected my response time and my odd choice of warning for Cass: “Oh, snap.”

Her three fingers seemed to take my warning as a challenge and practically tripped over themselves to do just that as they rushed past her and into the room.

Cass gasped.

Parker Lee screamed. I’d never imagined a grown man could scream like that, but there it was, loud and obnoxious and clown-like.

“It’s the three ghosts!” he screeched. Then he booked it out of there so fast that he knocked into my broom and sent me into a spin. He looked so frightened that I wasn’t even sure he’d seen us.

Moments later, the front door slammed shut and the rev of a motor and tires crunching over snow sounded.

“Well, that’s one way to clear a building,” Travis muttered.

“He needs to brush up on his Charles Dickens,” Cass said absently as she wandered after her fingers into the room Parker had dashed from. “The three ghosts weren’t fingers.”

Still spinning, I called, “Hey, can someone get me off this planet? Because I’d like to get off now.”