Chapter 26: Fear of Losing

When I arrived home at dawn, I sat inside my car for a while without getting out. The thought of facing my mother again was genuinely daunting. The house in front of me brought back a multitude of beautiful memories. Memories so beautiful that even recalling them hurt.

Eventually, I stepped out of my car and approached the house's entrance. As I walked slowly, I inhaled the scent of the flowers from the garden. That fragrance transported me back in time. When I reached the door, I took out a key I hadn’t used for a long time. The familiar click of the key entering the lock hinted that some things hadn’t changed. But I knew a lot had changed, and these changes built an invisible wall between me and my family.

I opened the door and stepped inside. The interior of the house felt as if it had been waiting to embrace me, yet it came with an odd discomfort, like being in a stranger's home. When I heard my mother’s voice, suddenly everything became very real. For a moment, it felt like time stood still.

"Hello," said my mother, her face tired but with a glint of hope in her eyes. "How are you?"

The question "How are you?" felt so complex. If I tried to explain to her how I truly felt, I guess words would fail me. Yet, I replied, "I'm good, how about you?"

A smile I had always admired appeared on her face. She wasn’t entirely present. I could tell by her eyes.

"I missed you, my Bella," she said, opening her arms. I took a few steps and hugged her tightly. As she caressed my hair, I squeezed her even more.

"I missed you too, mom," I replied with a voice filled with longing. I had missed her so much.

"Shall we sleep together tonight, my beautiful baby? And we can wake up late tomorrow, what do you say?" she asked, looking into my eyes. I just nodded. It had been so long since I slept with my mother. We went up to my old room.

It had been five years since I last slept in that room. A whole five years. She lay down on my bed and opened her arms. I snuggled close and hugged her again. I didn't know when she would start blaming me again. Her psychology had completely deteriorated after my father’s death. She never stopped blaming me. Sometimes her memory would revert back, she'd remember I was her daughter and say she missed me.

Tonight was one of those times.

Suddenly, she asked, "Are you hugging your father?" My heart began to race. Please, not so soon. I hadn't had enough time with my mom yet.

"No," I whispered faintly.

"His scent is all over you," she murmured. My father’s scent. Did I smell like him? I had just come from Leo’s place. He was the last person I had hugged. Now, remembering, Leo smelled just like my dad. Maybe that’s why I felt so comfortable and slept so peacefully next to him. For a few hours at least, I slept with my mother's scent. I was going to leave before she woke up. I didn't have the strength to look into her eyes when she remembered everything tomorrow.

At 6:30 in the morning, I kissed my mother's hair and left the house. The nurse taking care of her had already woken up.

I got into my car and set out on my way back.

From the radio, that Italian song that plunged me into my childhood holiday memories was playing. I thought of the summer days when my father and mother danced by the sea. Tears filled my eyes, and as I got lost in the tender note of the song, I noticed a vehicle rapidly approaching in the rearview mirror. My heart began to race. What was going on?

I tried to quickly move to the side lane, but the car seemed determined to box me in. In a panic, I swerved to the left lane, but the car aggressively cut me off. My vehicle lost control, veered off the road, hit the roots of a tree, and the whole world seemed to flip in a second.

I must have hit my head on the steering wheel. Between the dizziness and blurred vision, I ironically still heard that song continuing to play from the radio. My mind was filled with a thousand thoughts, all consumed by fear and worry. Memories of my father humming that song and embracing me flashed before my eyes as I confronted the reality: I was in an accident.

Every part of me hurt, especially my head. Taking a deep breath and summoning some inner strength, I tried to look out through the window. I heard the distant sounds of people running to help. Help was on its way, but time seemed to crawl for me.

I reverted to the memories before the crash. My mother, Leo, my father... At that moment, I realized once more the preciousness of my life. It could have been the end of everything, but it wasn't. And I had to survive.

Through the haze, I could make out a familiar shadow approaching the wreckage. Squinting through the cracked windshield, I discerned Leo's face, etched with panic.

"Isabella!" I heard him call out, his voice echoing with fear. He sprinted to the driver's side and tried to open the door. When he couldn't, it was as if a surge of strength erupted within him, and he nearly ripped the door off its hinges. Semi-conscious, I was trying to piece together what was happening. But the warmth I felt being in Leo's arms and his signature scent, which reassured me of his concern for me, somewhat alleviated the surrounding pain.

With gentle yet determined movements, Leo unbuckled my seatbelt and carefully cradled me out of the vehicle. "Stay with me, Bella," he whispered, a deep worry evident in his voice.

The distant sound of sirens alerted me to the approaching ambulance. Paramedics swiftly made their way over to assist. I didn't want to leave Leo's embrace, but a paramedic approached him, indicating they needed to check on me.

Holding my hand tightly, Leo watched as they positioned me onto a stretcher. "I'm here, Bella," he murmured, the words resonating with the strength and support he wanted to give me. "I won't leave your side."