Chapter 44

I woke up groggily and groaned tiredly, scrunching my eyes. The ray of light was too bright. The smell of disinfectant made my heart constrict.

I hated the smell of the hospital!

I hated hospitals!

They held too many unwanted memories.

But wait!

Yusuf!

Yusuf was alive!

Where was he all these years!?

My eyes sting with unshed tears. I felt turned and betrayed.

He left me.

He didn't want me.

Why couldn't he divorce me and tell me he wasn't doing it again?

Why did he make me suffer so much?

What have I done so wrong?

I cried silently in my palms, my body trembling with different kinds of emotions.

I heard footsteps coming closer to me, but I didn't raise my head. I wasn't ready to face reality and the truth that Yusuf was alive.

It must be a dream.

I must be hallucinating with all that was happening.

"Mom?" I heard my boy's voice calling me out of my misery.

"Uhn?"

"Arrre youu crying," he asked softly. I knew he wasn't the only one in the room.

"No, baby," I sniffed, "something entered mom's eyes" I hated lying to my boy. I raised my head up slowly, using the opportunity to quickly wipe any trace of tears away from my face. I knew my eyes would give away that I'd been crying because how red, blood-shot, and puffy they were.

"How are you feeling, ma'am?" he asked in his deep manly voice, which made me freeze in my position.

My eyes brimmed with tears. I bit my lip hard to stop it from trembling.

From wifey to ma'am.

From best friend to stranger.

It hurt so much, for the person you care and love should deny you.

It hurt to be rejected.

I heard my boy's voice in the background telling me he would be outside.

I stood on my shaking legs and went to him, holding my breath. I needed to know if he was real. That I wasn't imagining it.

I touched his face with my shaking hands before whispering out, "Yusuf."

He held my hand away from his face gently, "Ma'am, it is very nice to meet you at last. Your son said to do much about you, but I'm sorry to meet you like this, and by the way," he wrinkled his nose, "I'm not Yusuf, ma'am," he smiled softly at me before he continued, "My name is Zubair. That's why my pupils call me captain Z."

My broken heart broke into millions of pieces. I wailed loudly, hitting him on his chest.

Where was he during all these excruciating years of pain?

He hurt me.

He is not Zubair!

He is lying!

He is my Yusuf!

I must be going crazy!

Yusuf died. He was announced dead at the hospital, but then why was he standing here?

Could a dead body wake?!

No, that was impossible!

I screamed again, "My Yusuf is alive and doesn't want me." I shook my head in denial.

"Ma'am, are you OK?" he moved forward to touch me, but I shouted at him to stop.

I hate being lied to!

He denies me!

"What's happening here?" I heard my son's teacher's voice from a distance.

"Wifey, I don't know," I flinched away, as he called her wifey.

The name he used to call me.

His endearing name for me.

The name I thought was only mine.

The name I thought was special.

The name... I screamed again, holding my heart.

It hurts everywhere, especially my heart.

My heart bleeds.

"She continued calling me Yusuf, and I told her I'm not," he said to her, "is she crazy?" he asked in a hushed voice, but I heard him.

Was I crazy?

No! I wasn't.

He was my Yusuf.

"Hello ma'am, you are Abdullah mother, right? Sorry to meet you in this position," she rolled her eyes, "but I'm Khadijah, Zubair's fiancé and his soon-to-be wife in the next two weeks," she sneered at me before she dragged Yusuf by his arm and walked out.

My world collapsed.

My soul shattered.

My legs gave out, and I fell on my ass. I used my hands to cover my mouth, trying to muffle my son.

Soon after that, my mom, Abdulrahman, and Maryam entered. My mom rushed to me, patting my back gently, talking to me in a soothing comfortable voice, but it didn't relieve me. I was in pain.

I was pained emotionally, mentally also.

"Mom, he's alive," I sobbed.

"Shhh, it's OK," mum shooed me.

"No, mom, he's been alive all these years, and he does not remember me," as I said that, mom didn't look at me, but before she turned her head, her eyes swirled with guilt.

I took in a breath, calming myself down, "Mom, what are you not telling me?" I asked meekly, afraid of her response.

"Nothing," she bit out.

"Then why are you not looking at me in the eyes," I asked, looking at others. They stood some feet away but did not look at me.

"Mom, look me in the eyes and tell me it's nothing," I ordered.

She glanced up, her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, baby," she clamped her mouth.

"What are you sorry about?" I wondered.

"I've hurt you, I hate lying to you, but I need to protect both of you," she sobbed.

"Mom, explain, I don't understand," I said.

"We knew, we all knew he was alive," as I heard her confession. I detached myself away from her quickly as if she burnt me.

I felt betrayed.

"You knew?" I asked weakly to be sure of what I heard, and she nodded in confirmation.

I gulped, swallowing the thick lump in my throat before laughing like a maniac. I clutched my stomach while laughing because it hurt, but I needed to laugh, then tears began to prick my eyes.

I couldn't freaking believe it.

I couldn't comprehend it.

I had no one to trust.

"what of you?" I faced Maryam.

She looked away shamefully before whispering, "yes."

I grinned widely while sniffing, "and you call yourself a sister?"

"And you too?" I asked Abdulrahman.

"Yes, but it was recent. I was told when you fainted," he grumbled.

I was surrounded by betrayals.

I was kept in the dark for so long.

"We are sorry, Sophia. He lost his memory and couldn't remember you because he hit his head," mom tried to reason with me. But that didn't justify their betrayals.

It hurt so much, being betrayed by loved ones.

I felt suffocated about how I was seeing them in the same room with me.

Mom crouched to my level and touched me. I flinched away before shouting, "don't touch me!"

All of them disgusted me.

"Get out!" I yelled at them. They still stood their ground, looking at me with tears in their eyes.

I didn't care.

I was hurting.

"Get out!" I yelled again, throwing anything within my arm's length at them.

I shouted. I wanted to vest my frustrations, hurt, betrayals out.

They lied.

They deceived me.

They made me a soulless lady.

"Please let us explain," mom said, but I wasn't having that.

"Out!"

"It was not our fault. It was his parents' idea because..." I shut the door on them and didn't let them finish.

I didn't need an explanation.

They were all betrayals.

They broke my trust.

They shattered my soul.

Then I heard the voice again. The dark voice, the voice that taunted my dreams, that always gave me chills and sleepless nights.

"You are nobody. No one will love you."

It was true, I was nobody.

I was no one.