Chapter 51: Coward

*Him*

I felt her warm body beside mine almost immediately, and my stomach flipped in response. It didn’t flip from excitement, or pleasure, or happiness.

It flipped from the absolute terror that clouded my mind. It flipped from the knowledge that I would have to say goodbye, forever, to the beauty that laid before me.

I inhaled, my breath stuttering when my throat closed from the emotion. I looked down at her, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her flush against my chest.

She hummed against me, her naked body molding against mine perfectly.

“Kian?” She whispered, smiling when I kissed her cheek.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

Her skin turned pink, her smile deepening and she shifted to look out the window. She inhaled deeply, drinking in the sunlight.

My eyes stung as I watched her. She was breathtaking. The sunlight paled in comparison to her.

I cupped her breast, shuddering at the moan she drew from her lips.

“Kian,” She murmured, need evident in her voice.

I trailed my hand down the length of her stomach, until I buried my hand between her legs. She exhaled long and slow as I parted her lips. Shock had me tensing.

“You’re wet?”

She nodded with a moan, “I don’t think you understand.”

“What?”

She hooked her leg behind mine, parting her legs, opening herself to me, “How much I need your touch.”

I shoved my fingers inside her and she whimpered. Her body shuddered as she dug her face into her pillow.

My chest ached with the pain of my terror returning, but I shook it from my mind. She needed me. And I needed her. If this was the last time I would wake up with her in my arms, I had to be sure it was worth remembering.

It would be the only thing to keep me sane in times to come.

My erection prodded her ass and she reached behind her, lining the tip of my cock with her pussy. I groaned in her ear, the touch sending rivets of lightning through my skin.

She made me feel like I was flying. Like I held the world in my hands. I had ever experienced anything like it before.

I thrusted my hips, entering her in one swift movement.

“Kian!” She groaned, pressing herself against me, “Fuck, I’m so full.”

I wrapped my hand on her throat, pressing her head back as I began to quickly pump in and out of her.

Last night I had taken my time to adore her, to drink her in.

To worship her.

Today I wanted to ravage her, to fulfill the need that drove me.

She screamed as I thrusted harshly against her, her body moving, the bed slamming against the wall.

“Touch yourself, baby.”

She moaned, moving her hand to her clit. A loud, high pitched mewl left her lips when she began to swirl her fingers.

Fuck, I was already there. I was ready to spill insider her again. The smell of her skin, of her pussy; I wanted it ingrained into my mind.

I gripped her ass, digging my fingers into her skin. I wanted her closer, harder, faster.

My hips moved involuntarily and she shook from the force.

“Kian, I’m-I’m-“

“Me too, baby.”

I only managed to pump in her two more times before my orgasm shuffled through in a quick explosion of waves. My skin pebbled and I looked at her neck, then the scrunch of her nose and her eyes, which were tightly closed as she murmured to herself.

I pushed her hand from her legs, and replaced it with mine. The stickiness of my seed covered my fingers as I spread it across her lips and around her clit.

She shook her head, her chest shaking from my touch.

I pressed my fingers harder against her needy skin, circling her clit with more force.

She inhaled sharply before she exhaled a deep and shattering moan.

Her body trembled and she gripped my wrist, removing my touch from her sensitive spot.

I looked at her, sad that it was over, but happy it happened.

“Oh my god, Kian,” She spun in my arms, wrapping her leg over my waist before taking my lips in devouring kiss.

I wrapped my arms around her, letting my chest constrict. Letting the pain of letting her go drown my heart in absolute despair.

Hours later, I found myself standing alone behind the football field where they held the graduation ceremony.

My body shook as I waited. She had been absolutely beautiful walking on that stage. Her smile was blinding, breathtaking.

My throat felt as it was closing and I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Kian!”

I looked up and I felt as if I had been slapped in the face.

She was running toward me, her eyes full of emotion and her lips in a delightfully soft smile.

She was everything.

The moment she reached me, she threw herself in my arms, wrapping her arm around my neck while the other held her cap on her head.

I chuckled against her neck, inhaling her scent. I had to make sure to plant the smell in my brain, I couldn’t forget it. Ever.

I set her down and she twirled in her graduation gown, “Did you see me?”

Her sweet melodic voice made me feel alive. She pulled off her cap, her silky hair shifting.

“I’m so proud of you,” I let the words spill from my mouth.

With a soft giggle she swayed on her feet, “Thank you. Though, I would have liked it if you walked with me.”

I shrugged, “I just needed the diploma, I don’t give a fuck about that stupid gown and cap.”

She smacked my shoulder smiling while a blush crawled up her cheeks. I wondered if she could still feel me there between her legs, I knew I was still recovering.

My fingers grazed her bottom lip and she shuddered at my touch, “You deserve everything, In.”

She smiled, leaning toward me, but I pulled back. She frowned, insecurity filling her features and I instantly felt like the monster I thought I had chased out of my head.

“I’m not good enough for you.”

“Stop,” She shook her head. The wind blew her dark brown hair across her face. The only thing I could see were dark eyes, and they were glistening with pain.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

I wasn’t even shocked that she knew what I was going to say. She could read me like an open book and it made me feel both alive and vulnerable, weak and strong.

“Why are you doing this?” Her voice broke.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and shrugged.

“No. You don’t get to be a coward right now. Why are you doing this?”

“You don’t need me anymore.”

She scoffed and I looked up at her, tears plastering her hair to her cheeks, “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“School’s over, Micah will leave you alone.”

The way she jerked back was painful. Her eyes travelled across my face, trying to see if I was joking.

But I wasn’t. At least not completely.

“What?” She whispered, “Y-you can’t possibly think that’s why I’m still with you?”

I knew it wasn’t. I knew that, but I was too ashamed to tell her why we couldn’t be together.

“Kian-“

She stepped toward me, but I stepped back again.

She brought her hands to her chest, her breath quickened, “Kian, I love-“

“Stop,” I fisted my hands, not ready to hear her say those words.

Yes, I had wanted her to say them since the moment I saw her. But now that I had been with her, held her, savored her voice and been her comfort, I realized that I could not sustain that. I was too broken. A mess.

Her eyes widened, her lips pursing shut. Her chest shuddered with a sob. I saw her arm lift and I knew it. I knew it before I saw her fingers fly toward my face and I knew it before I felt the sting of her palm on my cheek.

I shut my eyes tight, letting the pain of the slap radiate from my face down to my toes. I deserved it.

“You’re a fucking coward, Kian.” She turned away, her hair in the wind and walked away from me.

I watched her, my cheeks wetting from my own tears. If I had to break her heart to make sure she lived the life she deserved, to make sure she was safe, then so be it.

She walked until she stood by the building and I watched her lean against the wall, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

I watched her until Rick saw her from afar, running to her side. She sobbed into his shoulders and I finally gave myself the freedom to move. At least I knew she would be safe.