Chapter 43

He paused and kissed my forehead before he uttered the words I have been waiting to hear since the beginning. “You’re beating this Bri.” I felt a few happy tears leak out of my closed eyes and my smile got bigger. “I love you, Bug.” He squeezed my hands and stood up. No matter how hard I tried, my eyes wouldn’t open; however, I could still hear everyone.

“Dad I-... I am so sorry for my actions and words. I should have never exploded on you or any of you guys. I should have talked to someone before I got crazy. I love you guys. I wouldn’t be here without you. I don’t blame you for anything. I am just stupid and angry that this is happening. I am truly truly sorry.” Ethan’s shaky voice was well heard throughout the whole room. I didn’t hear anything but footsteps and then a colliding of bodies. They must be hugging.

“I could never be mad at you Ethan. I love you with all of my heart.” I heard Ethan sigh and just felt the happy energy in the room. I was starting to slip into dreamland before I heard the words that I was dreading.

“Time to collect evidence for next week. I just hope she can handle this.” Brandon’s voice faded away as I was swept into the dark pits of my dream state. (ch.27)

The room felt abnormally cold. Maybe it was the lack of clothes I was forced to wear or maybe it was the deathly disease that is running through my veins. Maybe it was the nerves and anxiety that had been eating me alive since the moment I was born. I sat on the cold metal chair they made prisoners sit on. Here I sat in the courtroom, shaking like a leaf in the wind. Trevor and Ethan sat next to me on either side of me, trying to provide that comfort that I have been craving. My legs were bouncing so much that the whole row of chairs was shaking as well. Both Trevor and Ethan put their hands on my knees to try and calm me down. This dress I was forced to wear provided no shield to my trembling form. My heartbeat was so loud in my ears that I couldn’t comprehend what was going on around me. The judge sat on his throne, listening to the defense proceed with their opening statements. This whole day has gone by in a blur. I fell victim to the horrendous terrors that haunt us every day. I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. I sat with my head facing down on my lap. I wish I had my hair right now. That could at least provide more comfort to me than being a bald skeleton. I feel some relief today as well. Finally, some of my darkest secrets will come to light. That thought struck so much fear into my core that I started to have a severe asthma attack. My breaths came out in my pants. My lungs seemed to be having a panic attack of their own. They weren’t letting any air in or out. My gasps for breath were getting louder which caused the attention drawn to me. I couldn’t see the stares but I could feel them. Lazors through my soul, trying to figure out who I was. I distinctly heard Trevor and Ethan scrambling around me. People started to rise and come over to me. They wanted to see the circus act happen, feel the pain that causes them to feel the emotions they can’t. I felt my head gently being turned to look at Trevor and felt my inhaler being so graciously brought to my mouth. As soon as Trevor pushed on the trigger, my body relaxed. My muscles went from being concrete to jello within a matter of seconds. As the crowd realized that I was okay, they all returned like robots back to their seats. My eyes seemed to have magnets in them and Liam seemed to be the magnetic source. As soon as my eyes met his, the world around me faded. He didn’t smirk or even change his face, he just stared. I felt Ethan start to shake me and whisper to me but I couldn’t look away.

“I’m sorry,”

My eyes widened as I read Liam’s lips.

I’M SORRY

I’M SORRY

I’M SORRY

His words filled my head. This unexplainable range just came over me. Before anyone could react, I was standing and storming over to him.

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry? How fucking could you? How could you!”

“Order! Order!” I felt Ethan’s hands wrap around me and hold me back.

“Bri, calm down honey. Calm down!” I was struggling against his hold. Liam’s face held guilt but he didn’t dare to move. I was grabbed by someone else and pulled into their chest. My father’s scent invaded my nose. I wasn’t crying, no, I was fuming. I was brought back to the seats and sat down next to my father. He made sure my head stayed in his chest so I didn’t get even more upset.

“Order! Now everyone, resume with your opening statements to the jury.” Before you knew it, it was time to call witnesses and present evidence. “Now to the stand is Ms. Bri Black.” My father helped me stand because he felt my fatigue. I stared straight ahead, not letting my gaze flatter from the stand. I stopped before the Deputy Clerk.

“Please raise your right hand,” My right hand raised robotically. “Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

“I do.” My shaky voice cut through the courtroom. I slowly and carefully climbed the steps that led to my worst fears. I sat down on the chair and was directed to fix the microphone. The defense was brought out for questioning first.

“Ms. Black, we are here to determine if my client is guilty of these unimaginable crimes. Don’t you think that a teenage boy wouldn’t be capable of these charges?” He didn’t even give me a chance to breathe before he started with his questioning.

“Before I meant your client, I thought a lot of things were impossible but I was very mistaken.” Even though I didn’t give him what he wanted, he still remained stern.

“When your relationship with, as I was allowed by my client to call him his first name, Liam started to progress as you got older, did you ever think you were in harm's way?”

I took a deep breath. No one knows what I have hidden from even myself. No one knows what really happened between Liam and me. I made sure I was able to speak before starting my response.

“From the outside looking in, Liam and I had the picture-perfect friendship. We did everything together and seemed very very close,” I paused and took a deep breath. “However, it was far from the truth. I have lied to not only myself but to everyone around me. I kept telling myself that he was my best friend, that he saved me but it's not true.” Tears made their way to my eyes. I had to clear my throat before continuing. “It started ever since I could remember. He would uh play this game with me. Everyone knows the game house. He was always the dad and I was always the mom. He would claim that we would have to make babies,” The tears were streaming down my face but I couldn’t stop this spill. “It just started with touching. He would claim it is what everyone did. I-I-I was so little and stupid. I didn’t know any better. Then he started to get more physical and rougher. The pain was unimaginable. I will never forget it. I was never able to ask Ethan if this was normal because Liam said he would be mad at me. I didn’t want him to be mad at me! I didn’t know any better, I swear. As he kept getting more rough, the more I resisted. Liam didn’t like that so he started to hit me. It just got worse and worse till I couldn’t do anything about it. I had no escape. I got beat when I was home, I got bullied at school, and got beat by my supposed best friend. However, he beat it into my mind that I needed him. I knew deep down that it wasn’t true but he brainwashed me. I swear I didn’t know any better. It was hell. He broke my innocence before anyone else could. His pain caused me to crave his support. Maybe if I was better he would stop. I tried to be better for him, I tried to be everything I’m not just for him but no matter what. I can’t do this anymore. I tried for so long. I swear I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”

“Objection, your honor!”

“Granted.” I couldn’t stop now. My whole world is gone. They probably all hate me.

“It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!”

“Get her out of here! She can’t put herself through this!”

“You sick son of a bitch! How dare you put my daughter through that!”

“Don’t let Mr. Black hit him!”

“Get her out of here now!”

“Yes, your honor.”

“I DIDN’T KNOW!” My scream silenced the courtroom. Trevor came running over to my sobbing form. He quickly picked me up and walked out of the courtroom. It couldn’t stop me from having a breakdown. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe.

“Calm down love. It’s over. I promise it’s over. It's okay. Just calm down my love.” He just held me and rocked me. I was shaking so much that people probably thought I was having a seizure. Ethan and Dad soon came out and came running over to me.

“We need to leave. She has been dismissed. Come on.” Dad this time picked me up and brought me out to the car. Ethan climbed into the back with me. He helped my trembling form into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. I had no energy left and just completely leaned on Ethan. He just held me as tight as he could and comforted me.

“Are you guys mad at me? I swear I didn’t know.”

“Sh Bug, don’t get yourself all worked up again. We could never be mad at you for something like this. It isn’t your fault. Sexual assault is never the victim's fault. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you then but no one will ever hurt you ever again.” Dad’s voice seemed to be what I needed because I finally relaxed.