Chapter 51

***Alicia***

Everything is a blur. It’s as if there is a cloudy substance over my eyes making it hard for me to see anything clearly.

“Another male? Dear Alicia how interesting you are.” A dark voice rumbles around me.

I shiver. “What have you done?” I ask it.

A dark chuckle has me sucking in a breath. “Nothing your mate does not want. In fact, he looks rather eager.”

“Please don’t hurt him,” I beg her.

“I will not. He shines with the light the others share. It is a beacon that they are not to be touched. They belong to us.” She sounds almost hurt by my accusation.

“You hurt everyone you touch.” I snap at her.

Another dark laugh. “Only those who threaten us and our mates.”

“That’s not true…you killed-“

“I killed those who would hurt us. Just because you do not see the truth does not mean it is not there!” She yells at me. “If you would let me in then you would see all.”

“Never! I won’t become a monster.” I yell back.

“I am you. This fractured version makes us weak.” She hisses.

“You would take over and I would be a monster,” I tell her.

She lets out a weak laugh. “Your fear is what makes you weak. Your fear is why we are trapped here!”

Her yells shake the foundation of the mental plane we are standing in. As if her anger has cleared everything I am suddenly standing in a bright empty room with a floor so black that I feel like I’m falling into complete darkness. My next breath comes out shaky and my heart starts to race with panic. I realize I'm standing in a doorway now. What would happen if I stepped out onto that floor?

“Even now your fear stops you from moving forward. How will you ever be able to save Wonderland when fear grips you?” My head snaps up at her voice and a form stands across the room from me.

I blink a few times trying to get a clear look at who is in the room with me. It’s a woman if the fluttering of her long hair around her is any indication. She also has a slim form but she stands with a confidence I wish I possessed. I have my moments but emotions constantly are at war inside me.

“Who are you?” I call out.

Before I can open my mouth again the breath is knocked out of me and a choked sound escapes my lip. A strong hand is wrapped around my throat making me scratch and tug at the thing keeping gasping for air. Dark black orbs stare into my soul making everything inside me burn to dust. The face looking back at me is my own, but my eyes are fully black and my skin is pale like death. My mirrored image smirks.

“Hello, Alicia.” She says before her smirk grows into a full smile.

It isn’t a happy or welcoming smile. No, it’s the smile of a monster ready to eat me whole.

“H-how?” I choke out when her hold on my throat tightens more.

“You broke us apart. In your madness, you broke your own mind to shove me away. You turned me into this.” She hisses at me.

I try to think about all the times I pushed that side of me away. My mind had become divided and it made it hard for me to think and even function. When I made the deal with Wendell he dampened my powers enough that I could shove it away almost completely. Except when it came to my bonded, their safety always pulled the darkness from me. Otherwise, it didn’t flare up unless there was danger, and now that I had let my control slip just a little the darkness and shoved its way through.

“I was losing my mind,” I tell her. “How was I supposed to survive when my mind was broken?”

“You accept who you are! You are not the child who first found Wonderland. You are more! We are more! Except that and nothing can touch you ever again.” She yells in my face. “Accept me, and nothing will stop us from saving everyone.”

“I can’t! You are unstable. How do I know you won’t destroy the world once I let you through?” I ask her.

She sighs, tightening her hold on my neck slightly before pulling her hand away allowing me to crumble to the ground under the doorway.

“It’s called faith. You’re so scared of yourself that you would rather be half of your true self than accept that you are so much more. We are a force…a creature of darkness and light. A balance. Accept it and you will see.” She steps back from me and her image flutters in and out before she disappears completely.

I’m left breathing hard trying to catch my breath. Her words filter through my mind over and over. The way she spoke it sounded as if she was…hurt by my pushing her away. How could she expect me to trust something so evil? Any time she came through I became a weapon. I killed over and over. That's all she left behind…death.

Still…could she be right? Was I cutting myself off from what more I could be by keeping her locked away? My powers have depleting more and more recently…could this be why? Do I need to give in for me to fix what’s broken inside me? But what if I get lost for good? What if she takes over and all the humanity left inside me is destroyed?

“Alicia?” My eyes snap open and I realize Rowan is still lying on the bed in front of me.

No, I have him pinned to the bed. My hands are clenched around his wrists keeping him firmly against the bed. I gasp and release him moving back from him and standing at the edge of my bed.

“I-I’m sorry.” I stutter out and begin pacing.

Oh my god…I could have killed him. Was I about to kill him? No…no…this can’t be happening. Suddenly voices began to slip through the walls around me. Louder and louder. I pull at my hair trying to push them away but more come and more. It’s too loud!

“Shit.” I hear someone say. “What the fuck happened?”

Walker…

“I don’t know. We were about to…you know… then her eyes turned black and she pinned me to the bed. Then she went still and it was like she froze. Now this.” Rowan explains.

I want to hug him…he sounds a little freaked but I can’t seem to focus on him. Everything is too damn loud!

“I need to call the others,” Walker says and the room goes silent.

Hands touch me making me jump and scream. The touch is too warm…too much.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I hear Rowan say and then curse to himself.

Too loud…

My feet move back and forth in the room as if I’m either trying to run from or toward one of the voices I keep hearing.

“Kill…kill them all…” A strange voice breaks through all the others catching my attention. “Kill them…monsters…demons…abominations…”

What the heck?

I focus on the voice but a sharp pain throws me back making me cry out. Eyes like death lock in on me through the fog of my mind and I know…

“Shit. We need to do something and quick.” I hear Cayden say.

“What? How do we fix this?” Rowan asks.

“She needs all of us. All of us bonded to her.”

“Alright, we’re here now what?” Rowan asks.

“My poor sweet Alicccccia.” Cree purs and I feel his phantom form brush over my shoulder.

My body sways in his direction but then he’s gone.

“Alicia…can you hear me?” Cayden asks.

I nod.

“Good. We’re going to touch you.” He warns.

A second later I feel warm hands land on me from every direction. My body burns everywhere they touch and I hear curses from each of them. I’m hurting them…

“Stop!” I scream in my mind but they keep touching me.

“Let it go…” A voice whispers in my mind. “Let us free…”

I’m scared. I could kill them, but I have been fighting this for four years. If I let her go will my powers return? I’ve caused so much trouble because my power has been weakening.

“Shit. Her eyes.” I hear someone say but I’m too much at war in my own mind to notice who. “Don’t let go no matter what. She won’t hurt us.”

“How to fuck do you know that? She looks ready to kill everyone right now. It’s hot, but I’m a cop and I don’t know how I’ll explain being at a mass murder scene.”

Too late…

I can’t fight it anymore. I’m too tired…

So I let go…