Chapter 172: Uber, Flight, Hotel

.Emerald’s POV-

“Anything you say to him, Jet, will be just that… an excuse. I understand that he’s hurt. I hurt everyone in this room. I live with the guilt of that every day. If I had a way I’d go back to that day and choose to stay. I’d choose to talk about my feelings, and my fears. I didn’t. I left. I ran. I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions, or what my running would do to any of you. I have to live with that; I have to make my own peace with that. All of you are allowed to be mad at me, hate me even. I accept that. I can even accept it if Spinel, or any of you decide you can’t get past what I did. I knew that was a possibility when all of you found me. Truthfully, I was expecting for you, Jet, and you, Spinel to reject me, to reject our bond. I was prepared for that. However, since you, Spinel, decided to stay in this mateship with me, you no longer get to disrespect me. If you cannot treat me with the same respect I have afforded you since my return to your life, then we need to figure something out that works for both of us. You don’t get to use my vulnerability as your weapon against me. You’re not stupid, you knew exactly what I was telling you when you asked about that photograph. But instead of having a real conversation with me, you lashed out at me, to hurt me. You did the same thing the last time we were here in Nebraska. I’m sorry I hurt you, Spinel. I’m sorry I acted in a childish manner. I’m sorry you can’t forgive me. I won’t be accompanying you three back to Axinite. I have booked a commercial flight, and my flight leaves in two hours. Once back in Axinite, I will be staying at the W. I will be at work on time Monday morning, if I still have a job, and have coordinated the usual pastry and coffee drop-off with Juniper. I’m going to go gather my things, my Uber will be here soon.”

As I was about to turn to go back down the hallway, Spinel stood tall next to Jet, wiping his face with back of his hands. His eyes narrowed, his brow furrowed, his teeth clenched, then like a light switch his face softened, a sadness crept through his eyes.

“I don’t know how to get passed what happened.”

“I know you don’t, and I don’t know how much more I can do to prove to you that I’m truly sorry for the hurt I caused you. It appears, Spinel, that you and I are at a crossroads in this relationship. Without trust, respect, and truth, we have nothing. You don’t trust me, you haven’t been truthful with me, and you clearly don’t respect me. I left and broke your trust, I wasn’t truthful with any of you about how I was feeling, and I didn’t respect you enough to come to you and speak with you. I’m the guilty party. I own that. I broke it all first. I ran. I’ve tried to make up for it every day. What today showed me, is I am failing miserably. From the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul, I am sorry for hurting you, Spinel.” I said, then I turned and walked back to the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, I decided to take a quick shower before my Uber arrived. The feeling of dread in my chest was growing by the minute. If I’m being 100% honest with myself, I’ve loved those men since before I knew what the fuck a mate bond was. This trip was supposed to be fun; it wasn’t supposed to end in tears. I let the hot shower water cascade over me as I continued to cry. I thought Spinel and I were farther along in repairing the damage I did. I don’t know, maybe he thought so too.

I got out of the shower, dried off, got dressed, gathered the few items of mine from the bathroom, opened the door, and went into the bedroom. I grabbed my little overnight bag, tossed it on the bed, sat down on the bed and picked up my phone. I checked my email; my flight was confirmed. My head was a mess, I was hungry and tired, it felt like my insides were on the outside and everyone could see my vulnerabilities. I hated feeling like this, it’s why I didn’t get close to people.

“Don’t go. Not like this. Please…stay. I need you to stay.”

“I think space is what we need.”

“I agree. I can make space here, under this roof, in this rental. Space doesn’t have to be you in an Uber, on a flight, in a hotel.”

“Why can’t you just forgive me?”

“I’ve never been hurt like that before.”

I nodded my head. I didn’t know what to say to that.

“You were mean.”

“I was. I apologize for being mean. Once the words started flowing, I couldn’t stop them.”

“Did you really think I kept that picture…”

“No. I know you were being truthful, and I know I twisted your words. I’m in your head; we made a deal. I know why you had that photograph. I knew what it meant to you. That’s why I picked it up and asked about it.”

“You were testing me?”

“No. It wasn’t a test. I wanted to hear you say the words, not just think the thoughts. But when you said the words it brought me back to that time, to that dark abyss I was in without you. I got mad, more than mad.”

I sighed, closed my eyes and laid back on the bed.

“I’ll sleep in the living room with Jet. Andrew can sleep in here with you. Please, Emey, please don’t leave.”

My hand searched the bed for my phone. I found it, opened my eyes, unlocked it, canceled my Uber, hotel and flight.

“Thank you.” Spinel whispered from the other side of the bedroom door.

I moved up to the head of the bed and started playing Scrabble on my phone. Next thing I knew I was opening my eyes to sunlight creeping in through the vertical blinds, I was covered with a throw blanket, and my shoes had been taken off. I have no idea when I fell asleep or who took care of me.

“Your phone is charging on the nightstand.”

I smiled. “You said you’d sleep in the living room.”

“That was never happening. I stayed outside the door until you fell asleep. I’m sorry for yesterday.”

I rolled over and looked Spinel in the eyes; his eyes were red and puffy. “Don’t be. Does Axinite have a marriage counselor?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” I pushed myself up, “Can I kiss you?” I asked Spinel.

“Always.” He responded, and bent his head down, his lips meeting mine. Gentle and soft.