Chapter 45: FEARS

Trapped in the darkness, and still hearing the screams, they take my breath away the pain that I have been feeling, hold me down to where I cannot awaken myself. The fears in me made me tremble, not knowing if I was to wake up I was stuck I was trapped and nobody could get to me. I couldn't get the words out enough to let anyone know what was going on that I was in here and OK but I was Alone. I could feel my heart racing. I can hear everybody outside of me freaking out. I can hear that they have gotten into a hospital. I hear all the machines that they're trying to hook me up and trying to wake me. But I fear that this is something psychological, and I was trapped. I don't know how I trapped myself like this. It was too much to Bear and I think everything I've been dealing with was too much for me while I was carrying this child. I hope and pray that everything is OK with my child. I can't bear the thought of losing someone let alone my own child. I hold on dearly and listen to what everyone was saying. My mom was freaking out. She didn't know what was going on. Nobody could get a hold of me. They couldn't mind me. They were trying the hardest. I was trying to reach out to. It was useless. I was stuck in a darkness that was leading to more darkness. I felt like I was going deeper in instead of being in a steady place. I could hear Stark whispering to me. Holding my hand and begging for me to come back. Later on as I'm in the hospital and they're monitoring me, I can feel my body relax, and I feel my mind starting to release and be able to awaken up. And by letting myself relax, I was able to open up a mind link I reach out in my mind link to start to let him know that I was OK that I was trapped in my mind and I'm trying to get out. Everyone was worried he let everyone know that I was OK mentally and physically, but there wasn't much time that they could hold off my labor and they didn't wanna do anything without my permission. It's scary how everything changed so fast in a matter of minutes. I really thought that I was gonna hold off for a couple of weeks before having this child. I wasn't prepared not yet physically yes I was prepared for this child mentally having to deal with Stephanie and Sarah that made it even more harder for me to deal with trying to have this baby. I didn't wanna have this baby while they were still alive. The threat to my child would be worse than it would be for me. I could feel my mind tingling later on when my mother pops into mind and lets me know that they're gonna try to pull me out of this psychosis so that we could have this baby. I was nervous because there was risks to wear. Something deeply happened to me to. I will never come out. That was the biggest risk, but I was willing to take it. A few moments later, I let myself relax to prepare, and I'm listening to everyone around me. The doctors are saying that everyone needs to be around me to have a connection to pull me through this. Darkness hits me shortly after the doctor gives me medicine and shortly after I am pulled through the light is so bright in the hospital room. I could barely open up my eyes. I was squinting trying to see through the brightness when my mother says,"oh my dear girl, you're OK oh, I'm so happy we were also scared. Thank you Jesus." my father, holds my hand and kisses. My forehead Stark walks over relief on his face. He holds my hand and gives me a kiss on the lips and whispers, "I never gave up on you and I never will. I know you've pulled through this and now it's time I know it's going fast and then all this just happened to what we got this I won't leave your side, but the baby is coming." taking a deep breath I say, "i'm ready for this. I want all three of you to be in here if they'll let you." my heart was racing. They hooked me up to the monitor with the straps wrapped around my belly and the doctor walks in and says, "it's a matter of minutes We have to do this now. The baby can be put in a distress and we do not want that. I only suggest one person being here. We don't need a lot of distraction on her so whoever is to decide I need you to suit up now." They all talk and they decide to let Stark be in the room with me. I was happy about that. I watch as Stark suits up in the blue mesh outfit. He follows me in the bed as they take me into a delivery room still hooked up to these machines. One of the nurses walks over to me and puts a cool wash rag over my head and one on the back of my neck. These contractions were coming in fast now within two minutes apart I could feel it was time I needed to push it's like my body knew before I knew what to do. I've never gone through this, but my body registered and didn't have to tell me what to do. The doctor looks at me and says, "it's time to push. When I tell you to push push on three OK one, two, three push. I push pushed as hard as I could the screams coming out. My lips couldn't be stopped, was at my side, squeezing my hand, and holding my arm and part of my leg up. I can hear the beeping of the machine going crazy. I do a couple more squeezes and something didn't feel right. I stop feeling lightheaded. My body was feeling heavier than it should I look at the doctor and I say, "somethings wrong. I can feel it. Somethings wrong with me. I feel like I'm gonna pass out." The doctor rushes and looks at the screen and says, "the baby's heart rate is dropping the baby flipped over. We have to get this baby out now take her to the operating room. We have to do an emergency C-section."