Chapter 42: farewell

~Ian~

Just one last stop and it was time to go home. These past few days were pure agony, and I couldn't wait to be back in Nadia's arms. It was the fifth and last day without her.

I stopped on my way to pay my condolences to Mason's parents. He meant more than just a field officer to me over the last four years. He was one of the best. It was less than a fortnight ago that I went to the town square with him. So young to leave us all so soon.

If it was anyone else messing with Nadia in the barracks, I would have killed him right on the spot, but I couldn't get mad at him much. Besides, he told me many times he had a woman to who he never introduced me. 'I don't want her to leave me for you,' he used to joke around.

It surprised me to see Lydia at his parents' house. I was even more surprised to find out that it was Lydia he was going to get married to in June.

"Wow! I wouldn't have believed even if he had told me."

"I... I, Your Highness, we... um, we didn't intend to lie about---"

"I don't care. You aren't a courtesan anymore and not in trouble."

She looked scared. Punishing her for breaking rules over her dead fiancé, that's the last thing I would do.

"Did you meet Nadia recently?"

"She accompanied me back the day after you left, Your Highness."

"You can call me Ian. Is she mad at me for not returning as promised? I couldn't write to her the day I left, and she didn't respond to any of my letters these last three days."

"Er... I wouldn't necessarily know the answer, Your Hi... I mean, she spent that day with me in the city, and I didn't meet her after that."

"It's just very unusual for her to stay so quiet."

"She was very quiet when I last saw her too. She looked worried and didn't say much. I was not in the right state of mind to ask her then. Would you mind if I go with you to the palace? I miss that chatterbox too."

"Only if you let me meet her first."

"Of course, you are the Highness, after all," she laughed and curtsied. I never looked at her well enough before, but she looked a lot like Nadia today. I guess I missed her so terribly that I was finding traces of her smiles and humor in her sister.

Once I reached the palace with Lydia, I went straight to Nadia's room before meeting anyone. There were no guards at the entrance, which made me furious. I will deal with them later. I walked into her room to surprise her, only to find it empty.

I waited by the window overlooking the fountain and the chapel. 'I will pray for your safe return twice a day,' she had told me the morning I was leaving her. That was like ages ago.

My eyes fell on a half-burned picture on the floor near the fireplace. I felt a tightening in my heart when I saw what it was. Why? She fought with me all along the train ride, wanting this picture instead of the other one I gave her.

One of the worst thoughts struck me at that moment. Did she leave me? I rushed to check her closet; it was overflowing with clothes and shoes. There were unopened letters in the side table drawer. She didn't even care to read my letters? I went into the eating room and found something on the table there—A letter and some money.

I unfolded the letter in trepidation. Please Nadia, wherever you are, I need to see you.

Your Highness,

I wanted to tell you this from day one but could not muster the courage. I feared your reaction and about Noah's safety. There wasn't a day when I didn't try to forget him and start fresh with you. Despite everything you were and everything you offered, I wasn't happy deep down. My heart was crushed when you hurt Noah because of me. The more you kept me away from him, the more I wanted to meet him.

I know you asked me to accompany you to Mountbatten only because you didn't want me fooling around with him. Being close to you had me miss him even more. I saw how smitten you still were with Caty. She is your true love, just like Noah is mine. It burned me with jealousy that you chose to spend time with her, even after all these years. You left me to hang out with Lyra, while you rekindled your old flame.

This uncertainty every day about your betrothal and more women showing up from your past or new ones popping up in the future makes me restless. Your embraces and this life as your mistress are like a golden cage of misery that I don't want to be locked into anymore. Time spent without you these past few days has made me realize I can't go on like this.

I hope you can understand my circumstances and forgive me. I was under a lot of pressure from my mother to do the smart thing and wait patiently until you were done with me. All my folks raved about how lucky I was to be your mistress and to not think a second before accepting the offer. The way you are obsessed with me worries me you will never let me go. I am thereby going far away from you and don't want to owe you anything.

Wish you and the future Duchess the very best.

Farewell!

Nadia

I was down on my knees after reading the letter. She really left me for Noah, didn't she?

She never denied not having anything going on with him. Was he really so important to her? Was she in the barracks to meet him that day? She ate dinner with him at my brother's feast, called out his name when Damian was taking her away, went out with him to the city center, and even shielded him from my punches.

How long did she know him for? I didn't expect her to call out my name in her dreams but was shocked to see her worry so much about him even when we were in Mountbatten. He meant a lot more to her than I did. But I couldn't believe that I meant nothing to her. Was it just the sex that she loved so much? Her body reacted to my touch that way even the first time I called her to my room.

I felt an arm wrap around me while I was trying to make sense of all this.

"I can't see you hurting like this," my stepmother's eyes were filled with tears.

I was trying hard not to cry. This was not the Nadia I knew.

"Is she really gone?" Tears filled my eyes, and I lost control of them.

"Did you ever ask her if she wanted to be your mistress?"

"I never did. I think I knew very well she didn't want to. It's all my fault."

I guess I was too afraid of letting her go. She wanted to save herself for her future husband. She even took me to a church in a quaint mountain town during our trip where she talked about sinning, having sex before marriage, and other things I didn't pay attention to. Did I really force her all this time?

"The guards saw her leave with Noah earlier this morning. She chose him over you. You can't let your judgment be clouded after all this. Bella is tired of waiting and is about to leave. You have to stop her."

"I don't care who's leaving. Nadia left me."

"Seb, you have to---"

"Do I look like I'm in the mood to talk to Bella right now? I gave her my answer a long time ago, and nothing is going to change that."

I walked her out of the room and closed the door before she could say more. Why could Nadia not give me a chance to talk before disappearing on me? I have to get hold of that bastard Noah.