Chapter 335: Not Alone

SARAH

“Sarah.” Cullen's voice is steady, firm, but soft enough to pull my eyes to him. “Can you take my hand?”

I do. Slowly. My fingers tremble as they lace with his.

“Look at me,” he says. “Look me in the eye right now.”

I force myself to meet his gaze.

“I don't want to hear it,” he says, clear and deliberate. “I do not want you to explain. And I don’t care. I don’t want you to explain yourself to me and you shouldn’t explain yourself to anyone.”

I blink, my throat tightening. “But…” I’m trying to say, but I stammer, 'but… Bella...' I swallow, the name heavy. Because, I mean, this is her husband, right? She deserves some kind of explanation. Right?

He cuts me off before I can finish.

“Sarah.” His tone is final now.

He took my hand and held it like he never wanted to let go.

“I don't care what happened. I don't need you to explain it. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, to anybody. But I get that. You still have some reservations. You're not ready for this. You're not ready for that next step. And it's okay. We do not have to go. But I promise you, I don't care. My parents don't care. And I know maybe you're thinking about Cyrus and Bella, and I really don't give a fuck what they think. I have you. You're here now with me. And it's all I ever wanted. It's all I ever needed. I am good.”

I swallow, looking at him. I wanted to argue, but I don't know what else to say.

He reaches over, takes my hand. “Then we won’t go. Simple as that.”

I nod, but the knot in my chest doesn’t loosen.

When we got to bed later, I just couldn’t get a wink of sleep. My eyes were open, staring at the ceiling, thoughts circling endlessly.

I guess Cullen had been awake too, because suddenly his voice broke the quiet.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I nodded before I realized, we were in the dark. He couldn’t see me.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Having trouble sleeping? You’re thinking about your dad?”

“No.”

“Your brother?”

“No.”

He shifted, and I could see his shape, his shadow moving as he sat up on the bed. His attention was fixed on me.

“You know,” he said quietly, “I’ve been thinking about kids. If it’s what you’re thinking about, we can still…”

I interrupted before he could finish. “It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it?”

I exhaled, sitting up too, the sheets cool against my skin. In the dim light, I could feel him watching me.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said about Sunday dinner,” I murmured.

“Yes?” he asked, his voice soft. He reached for my hand, fingers warm against mine. “Seriously, Sarah, we don’t have to go,” he added.

“It’s just…” I hesitated. “I want to go. I mean, if I’m being honest, it’s also about me. I’ve gone through a lot. And even if we postpone now, one day I’m still going to have to face them. I don’t know what it will be, if it’ll be an accident or something will happen, an event… but I’m still going to have to face them. And so I think we should go.”

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“Yes. I am.”

“Wait a minute…” he muttered as he reached over and switched on the bedside lamp. Light filled the room, warm and golden. He looked at me carefully, eyes searching my face.

“Sarah, seriously. We don’t have to go,” he repeated again.

“I do want to go,” I whisper, my voice almost trembling. “That is your family, that is, your dad and your mom, your sister-in-law, your brother… and your godson, Victor. I know you love them, and I would hate to put you in a place where you have to weigh me against them. I just want us to be a real family.”

“Fuck my family,” he says flatly.

I chuckle at his bluntness, even though it hits a little heavier than it should. “I know maybe you’re still a little bit mad at them about everything,” I continue softly, “but you said it yourself, I’m a Cincinnati now. And if I’m a Cincinnati, I want to be at peace with my family. I made a mistake. Families make mistakes. They apologize. And if they choose not to forgive me, then at least I know I tried. But I think I’ve got to take that step, not just for them, but also for myself.”

He looks at me then, and I don’t know what he sees in my face, but something shifts in his. Slowly, he nods. He reaches for me, pulls me toward him, and presses a kiss to my hand.

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I’ll call Mom tomorrow and tell her we’re going.”

“Thank you, Cullen,” I murmur, my chest tight. “Just promise me you’ll be with me. That you won’t leave me by myself.”

“I promise,” he says, his eyes locked on mine. “I will be glued to you like superglue. Nobody will ever be able to tear me away from you. Even when you go to the toilet, I’ll be there.”

That actually makes me laugh, the sound slipping out like a bubble breaking the tension.

Cullen keeps holding me, his arms warm and steady, and even though I’ve made my decision, I’m nervous as hell. Yes, I want to go. Yes, I want to be with him. Yes, I want to face Cyrus and Bella, to just… maybe I want to know if I became the pariah of the family, or maybe I want to see if they forgive me. But whichever way it goes, if they cut me out, if they alienate me, if they kick me out.... I want to do this.

“Do you think I made the right decision?” I ask softly.

Cullen kisses my forehead. “Whatever decision you make,” he murmurs, “just remember that I am going to be right there. I’m going to support you, and I’m never letting go.”

And that actually makes me feel so much better, because I realize I’m not alone. For the first time, probably, in my life, I don’t feel alone anymore.