Chapter 61: Chapter 61

COLEEN

I woke up the next morning with that strange, buzzing feeling still in my chest, like my heart hadn’t quite decided if it wanted to settle or keep racing.

The night before, Hayden and I sitting close, talking like the world outside the apartment didn’t exist, kept replaying in my mind like a film reel. His voice, low and steady, the way his eyes softened when he promised me he wasn’t going anywhere… it lingered, heavy and light all at once.

I should have felt calm after that. Secure. But instead, all I felt was this terrifying, vulnerable ache in my stomach. Because things were shifting. And for someone like me, who’d built walls so high they nearly touched the clouds, change was always scary.

By the time evening rolled around, Mark was sprawled out on the couch, his guitar case leaning against the coffee table, a half-empty bag of chips tucked between his arm and his ribs. His curls were a mess, he’d clearly spent the day bouncing between rehearsals and rushing across campus. I dropped onto the couch beside him, grabbing a chip before he could smack my hand away.

“You look like death,” I said, crunching loudly on purpose.

“Thanks, sunshine,” Mark muttered, side-eyeing me. “Glad to know my best friend greets me with compassion after a twelve-hour day.”

“You don’t do compassion. You’d just make fun of me if the roles were reversed.”

He gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest. “Me? Make fun of you? Never.”

I smirked, shoving his shoulder. “Exactly.”

For a moment, the easy banter was enough to distract me. But my mind was still heavy, still pulling me back to last night, and Mark must have sensed it. His gaze flicked toward me, sharp in that way he got when he was trying to read me like sheet music.

“All right,” he said finally, crunching into another chip. “Spill it.”

“Spill what?” I played dumb, grabbing the bag from him.

“Don’t give me that innocent act, Coleen. You’ve had this faraway look since you sat down, like you’re in some indie film montage where the girl stares out a window while emotional music plays. So, who’s got your head spinning?”

I froze, chip halfway to my mouth. “You’re insufferable.”

“Hayden,” he said instantly, smug.

I rolled my eyes, trying to play it cool, but Mark’s grin widened like a cat who’d cornered a mouse.

“It’s Hayden,” he repeated, sing-song.

“Fine,” I muttered, tossing the chip back in the bag. “Yes. It’s Hayden. You happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Mark shifted, sitting cross-legged now, fully invested. “So? What happened? Did he finally confess his undying love and sweep you off your feet? Or did he at least stop brooding long enough to tell you he likes you?”

I felt heat crawl up my neck. “He didn’t… sweep me anywhere. But… we talked. A lot. About his parents, about mine. About...” I hesitated, my throat tightening. “About us.”

Mark’s expression softened, the teasing fading into something gentler. “And?”

“And it feels… different,” I admitted quietly. “Like, I’ve had crushes before. I’ve gone out on dates. But this… it’s like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and the ground under me is shaking. I don’t know if that’s good or terrifying.”

Mark leaned back, resting his arms on the back of the couch. “Maybe both.”

I laughed nervously. “Maybe.”

He studied me for a beat, his brown eyes too perceptive for my liking. “You’re scared,” he said softly.

“Of course I’m scared,” I snapped, then sighed, sinking deeper into the couch. “Because if I let this happen, if I let him in, it’s not just going to be some casual fling. He’s not… that kind of person. He makes things matter. And if it falls apart...”

“Then it falls apart,” Mark interrupted, not unkindly. “But Coleen, you can’t live your whole life protecting yourself from the possibility of pain. You’ve been doing that since I met you, and while I admire your stubbornness, it’s also kind of sad.”

I shot him a glare, but he only grinned, unfazed.

“Look,” he continued, leaning forward now, elbows on his knees. “I’ve watched you these past months. With Hayden, you’re different. You laugh more. You argue more, too, but in that way where you care. And last night, you came home looking… lighter, like something finally cracked open in you. And for once, it’s not a bad thing.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. My throat tightened, and I blinked hard, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me. Mark had always been the one who could cut through my walls with a single sentence.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I muttered, picking at a loose thread on my sleeve.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re right.”

Mark smirked. “I’m always right.”

I groaned, throwing a cushion at his head. He caught it with ease, laughing.

But then his laughter softened, and he set the cushion aside. “Seriously, Coleen. You deserve this. You deserve someone who looks at you the way Hayden does. And yeah, it’s scary. Yeah, it’s risky. But maybe this time, it’s worth it.”

I swallowed hard, my chest tight. “I don’t know if I can do it, Mark. Letting him in… it feels like giving someone the power to break me.”

Mark’s voice gentled. “Or giving someone the chance to love you the way you deserve.”

Silence stretched between us, filled only by the hum of the refrigerator and the faint sound of traffic outside. My eyes stung, but I blinked quickly, refusing to let tears fall.

Finally, I whispered, “I’m not used to people staying.”

Mark reached over, his hand squeezing mine. “Then maybe it’s time to let someone prove they will.”

The knot in my chest loosened just a little. I managed a small smile, squeezing his hand back.

“God, you’re annoying when you’re wise,” I muttered.

“Annoying but right,” he said smugly.

I laughed, leaning back against the couch again. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Too late.”

We sat there for a while, the kind of comfortable silence that only came after years of friendship. And for the first time in a long time, I let myself imagine what it might feel like to stop running, to stop hiding, and to just… trust.

Maybe, just maybe, I could.