Chapter 129: ♱ Chapter • 129 ♱

♱ •⋅ 1750 B.C. ⋅• ♱ •⋅ Calisto ⋅• ♱

My eyes could not turn away, even if I tried, I could not not not look at her.

She was smiling. She was smiling as tears fell down her cheeks. He was smiling at the blonde woman in front of him who caressed his face and seemed to say that everything would be fine.

'Where?' I asked myself as my body leaned against the wooden wall. As I went through the last months, the last years. Where had Asra stopped loving me? Where did she...

'She said she would love me until her last breath, she said that...'

It didn’t matter, right?

No.

My eyes remained fixed on both.

"Now... it doesn’t matter..." I heard myself whisper "I lost her."

A low laugh made me turn my face to the side.

"Lost her?" Asmodeus asked me with eyes full of anger, but somehow... I just didn’t have the energy for him. To your mockery, your silly discussions.

"Prince Asmodeus" I spoke with one hand on my face "I don’t want to argue with you, so... could you leave me alone?"

"At peace? At peace or feeling sorry for yourself?" He hissed as he approached, the white tunic with gold fallen to the side "majesty" he mocked "are you listening?"

I felt a knot form in my throat.

I was. I was listening, I was seeing Asra next to that woman, I was facing what he told me to face - even if I didn’t want to admit it.

"What’s the matter this time?" I murmured "I’m here... I admit, I lost her... so what?"

Asmodeus laughed, a laugh full of contempt - an almost palpable contempt.

"The problem, you ask..." he whispered "the problem, majesty is that you are a maniac" ruby eyes shone with disgust "do you think you lost it? Do you think you’re SAD that she’s in love with someone else because you love her?"

"Yes, I do..."

"No" the sharp nail of the prince touched my shoulder hard, strong enough to sink it into my skin "no, "Your Majesty", you do not love Asra, never loved... you didn’t lose her, you’re not sad that she fell in love with someone else. You know why you’re sad? Because now your damn game is over. You’re sad because now you’ve lost something new, because you’ve lost the comfort you had when nightmares with your dead wife came up. Do you know why you’re sad? Why do you seem to have lost something? Because her steppe, the person she ran to whenever she didn’t want to face reality - MOVED ON -, she just gave up waiting for something that obviously wasn’t going to happen, she got tired of playing make-believe"Asmodeus' voice was imbued with anger, an almost personal rage "you, Calisto, are nothing but a whiny child who cannot cope with the fact that he was a USELESS when the only person he cared about was gone. You’re so worried about trying to forget about her, trying not to feel like a turd, that you act like someone depressing, ridiculous, and utterly deplorable. Do you think she’d like that? Do you think she’d fall in love with the shit you’ve become? She’d be disgusted with you. Asra would be disgusted with you. I feel disgusted with you" he spat and his lips arched into a big smile that did not reach his eyes "and dear... I do not feel disgust even from myself when I wake up in the mornings amid so many naked bodies and cheap drink. So... doesn’t that mean a lot about you?"

Her eyes sparkled.

"And you know the worst part? She would have done all this... for friendship. She would have been by your side for friendship, would have comforted you for friendship, would have cherished you, helped you..., you DID NOT NEED to use her. You PREFERRED to use it" he growled "Be something better for the child you use as an excuse to stay alive."

I listened to it.

I just listened to it.

I listened as Asmodeus growled and threw in my face every one of those things that I was not able to admit alone.

I had used Asra.

I had made it a safe place to hide from the guilt I felt about letting Quinn go that day.

My hands closed in fists and Asmodeus was gone. He just fell apart in front of me - but I kept still, I kept static.

I had felt so much fear, I had hidden in the middle of the emperor mask and when Asra held my hand and pulled me out of that dark place, when she told me that Loren could survive, when she said that maybe... one day I could forgive myself, who could live happily with my son... who could avenge me...

I held on to it.

I clung to it like anyone would cling to a buoy in the middle of the ocean. I grabbed myself and hid under her wings, allowing me to run into her arms whenever guilt consumed me, allowed me to intoxicate with her perfume whenever my chest ached, whenever the emptiness Quinn left - was stronger than my conscience -I could say that I just wanted not to go crazy, that I just wanted a minute of peace, but would that... change anything?

"She’d be disgusted with you," he said and I wanted to laugh. I wanted to laugh because Quinn knew exactly who I was. She knew what I was capable of, she knew how cowardly I was... so, no, Asmodeus, no. She wouldn’t be disgusted with me, but she would certainly treat me like the same idiot she knew.

My body gave way in the dark corner of that garden and I found myself hugging my legs. It was like I was 7 again.

I didn’t want a kingdom.

I didn’t want a love.

I didn’t want responsibilities.

I wanted to slide through the multiverse and sink into a sea of freedom, but I fell in love. I loved her so much that freedom seemed ridiculous. I came back, I returned, I was happy with the simple fact that she was generating a new life... and then. They took her away from me.

I pressed my legs against my chest.

They took everything from me.

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