Chapter 354: Day Seventy Two of Growing-2

"I have no doubt you will, El." One of the main reasons I know that whatever we have matters to Elliot comes in the form of a text message the next morning. Elliot: Can I call you tonight around 10:45 your time while I'm on my break? I'll be there with bells on. Elliot: Now, I'm excited. Sprawling on my chair, I wait for Elliot's call from 10:30 and at 10:43 on the dot, he calls me. "You're two minutes early, doctor," I tell him, never caring much for usual greetings. Elliot hums. "Two minutes longer for me to bask in your Aura." I bite down on my thumb. "Is that an euphemism?" "It could be." I can hear the smile in his voice and it makes me smile. "It's nice to hear your voice, El," I tell him, gently. Elliot chuckles and chills go down my body. "You heard it yesterday." "Yes, but today, I'm awake enough to appreciate it fully." Sighing, Elliot says, "I'm sorry about yesterday, Aura." I shake my head even though he can't see me. "You have nothing to apologize for." "I promised you once that I will tell you all my thoughts and I'll tell you now, properly, all of my thoughts from yesterday." Settling into my chair, smiling, I tell him, "Tell me all your thoughts, El." In the background, I hear a door click shut and Elliot sink into a chair. At least, I'm sure that's what happens when I hear shuffling fabric. "My job takes a lot of my time, Aura. It takes my time sporadically. I love what I do, but I know that the people around me, the people I care about, suffer because of it, at least to a certain extent. Such is my baggage, I suppose. I think that in the past, relationships have come to a grinding halt because of the issue over time. My time. The time I give to someone. Each time around, I try a little harder to give more of my time. Every single time that something like yesterday happens, I worry. Twice, I have had moments like yesterday, where whoever I'm with has told me that that was it – that they couldn't do it anymore." I hear shuffling, and I assume Elliot moves in his seat. "Yesterday, I was watching your face – I was watching you get annoyed. God, it scared the hell out of me, Aura. You and I have barely started and I am not willing to lose you. I have lost people I loved, but I will not stand to lose you. My time is valuable to me and I cannot begin to tell you how much I love giving my time to you. Some days we have only a few minutes for each other and those feel like stolen moments, but I love each and every second of it. Yesterday, I was so scared to let you go because it felt like impending doom. I have never loved anyone so deeply as I love you and I will do everything in my power to keep you happy to make sure that I don't have to lose you. You and I have a long way left to go, and I – I will fight for every moment with you, Aura, because going by the moments we've had, they are so worth it." I have no idea when I stopped breathing, but I inhale sharply when Elliot stops speaking. No longer am I slouched in my chair. I'm sitting upright, gripping the edge of my desk, thankful to still be sitting on my chair. My heart is always calm when talking to Elliot, but it's currently thundering in my chest. My hand removes itself from the edge of my desk and scrunches itself into my t-shirt, right over my heart. "Aura?" I have never loved anyone so deeply as I love you. The words swirl around in my head. They waft into the air and plaster themselves on to my wall for me to marvel at. Words that I want tattoo on to my arms and legs and forehead so that I can always see them. Words that I want to tuck away under my pillow and keep them safe. Words that I'm sure he didn't intend to say in the midst of a whole mess of other words with the way he softly, sheepishly chuckles in my ear. "Oh. I messed up a little, didn't I?" I press my shaking hand to my mouth as insane tears trickle out of my eyes. "I just heard what I said," he continues. My breathing is too ragged for me to be able to say anything or do anything other than let tears spill out of my eyes and down my cheeks as I listen to his breathing. "That's really not how I intended to say that to you," Elliot goes on, another light chuckle peppered into his speech. I scream quietly into my hand. Elliot clears his throat. "Regardless of the method of declaration, what I said is true. Every. Single. Word." This man is definitely trying to kill me. With his words and his ways and his promises and his words. I know he's smiling when he says, "Aura. Are you hyperventilating?" Inadvertently, I gasp and it turns into a laugh. "I'm barely ventilating," I manage to croak out. My confession makes Elliot laugh. Everything about him overwhelms me at the moment and I think of those three words that have been on the precipice of every moment we've spent together over the last two weeks or so. I have never loved anyone so deeply as I love you. "As your doctor, for now and always, I feel it's my bounden duty to tell you to breathe. Please breath, Aura. I need you breathing for a long time." Approximately three more tears leave my eyes and I can barely get out any of the jumble of words that are spinning around in my head, almost making me dizzy. Wave after wave of deep, catatonic emotion for the man who just told me that he loves me washes through me, making it pretty much impossible for me to breath. "Aura," Elliot says softly, instructionally, "Regardless of whether you feel it or not, don't tell me. Not now. Tell me only when I'm standing right in front of you so that I have the singular pleasure of seeing your mouth makes those words."