Chapter 187 Rory and Ana
Chapter 187 Rory and Ana
ANASTASIA POV
Alexander walked over, his movements heavy and deliberate. He set himself down on the couch right beside me, keeping his hands shoved deep into his leather jacket pockets. He kept his face locked straight ahead, his posture rigid. I couldn't stop staring at the sharp profile of his jawline, my brain still refusing to process reality. Alexander and therapy just did not belong in the same sentence.
Sensing my intense gaze, he turned his head toward me. I snapped my eyes away instantly, my cheeks flushing. Alexander let out a low, breathless chuckle at my reaction, looking back toward the wall.
“I’m glad you decided to come in, Mr. Miller,” Catherine began, opening her folder.
Alexander remained dead silent, his jaw clenching.
“Ana, is there anything you want to say to him?” Catherine prompted, looking between the two of us. “Alexander—if using your first name is alright—is there anything you want to say to her?”
“Go first,” we both muttered in unison, instantly gesturing toward each other.
Catherine let out a small, amused smile, and Alexander immediately narrowed his sharp eye at her, a silent warning flashing in his gaze.
“If neither of you is willing to go first, let’s start with a quick question-and-answer exercise, if that’s acceptable,” Catherine suggested smoothly.
“Okay,” I murmured, while Alexander just sat there, stiff as hell.
“Alexander, according to Ana, she feels like you’ve entirely given up on her. She mentioned your favorite word lately is 'okay.' Are you planning to let her go?”
Alexander let out a sharp, mocking scoff. “If I were planning on letting her go, I wouldn't be sitting here bare-assing my thoughts to a fucking shrink.”
Gosh… he was so profoundly insufferable.
“I prefer the term 'doctor' or 'therapist,' Mr. Miller,” Catherine corrected mildly.
“And I prefer the term 'shrink',” he fired back, heavily emphasizing the word as he stared her down.
Then, he turned his body fully toward me. The intensity in his eye shot daggers straight at the side of my face, but I stubbornly refused to look back at him.
“I came here for us, Ana,” Alexander said, his rough voice dropping into a register meant only for me. “I never planned on giving up on you. The only reason you haven't seen my face around is because I was explicitly advised to let you breathe. To stop hovering over you. And you know me—you know damn well I am not the type of man who can stay away from you for a single minute. But I had to. I had to force myself to put your sanity and your recovery before my own selfish wants. And clearly, I couldn't even do that properly, hence the constant shit I kept flooding your office with.”
The words hit me like a physical weight, leaving me struggling to process them. A small, hidden part of me had known he hadn't completely abandoned me, but hearing him admit to actively suppressing his controlling nature just to let me breathe was a lot to take in.
“That is a very significant step, Alexander,” Catherine interjected, nodding approvingly. “You are actively trying to prioritize her healing over your own desires.” She then turned her gaze to me. “Ana, did you happen to mention to him my advice regarding your bedroom activities?”
My entire face heated up instantly, a fierce blush burning through my cheeks.
Alexander’s head snapped toward me, his dark brows hitting his hairline. “You told your shrink about our sex life?” he asked, his tone a mix of pure disbelief and dark amusement.
“She’s my therapist!” I defended quickly, my voice rising as I kept my eyes glued to the floor. “It’s completely fine to tell her everything.”
“I see…” he drawled, a dangerous, low rumble vibrating in his chest.
“Can you be gentle with her, Alexander?” Catherine pressed, entirely unfazed by his aura. “Ana mentioned that you have a profound need for control.”
“I do like control,” Alexander admitted bluntly, his gaze never leaving my flushed face. “But I can be as gentle with her as she needs me to be. There is nothing on this earth I wouldn't do for her. I literally forced myself to learn morals just to keep her. Being gentle is the easiest fucking thing on that list.”
Catherine nodded, and a sudden, fierce warmth bloomed deep inside my chest at his words.
“In fact,” Catherine continued smoothly, “I told Ana that next time you both attempt intimacy, she should take the dominant role instead of you.”
I peeked up through my lashes and caught sight of Alexander. A massive, wicked grin was spreading from ear to ear across his face at Catherine’s words.
“That won't be a problem at all,” he murmured, his blue eye darkening with a heavy, explicit heat. “In fact… I would absolutely love it.” He said it with a low, rough edge, making it entirely clear that he was already visualizing it in his head. He wasn't talking to Catherine anymore; those words were a direct promise meant only for me.
“Can you see, Ana?” Catherine noted softly. “There really isn't an insurmountable problem between you two. All that is missing right now is communication and understanding.”
I nodded slowly in agreement, while Alexander just continued to stare at me as if I were the only living thing left in the room.
“Is there anything else you’ve been holding back that you’d like to tell your husband, Ana?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, taking a deep breath as I turned on the couch to face Alexander fully.
“When we first got married… on our wedding day, we made a sacred vow,” I whispered, looking straight at him. “To love, to cherish, to never put another soul above one another. And we vowed until death do us part. And you, Alexander… you looked me in the eyes and said that not even death could part us. Do you remember?”
He nodded slowly, his gaze turning incredibly keen, searching mine. “I remember every single word of our vows, Ana.”
“Good,” I choked out. “Then why the hell did you fall in love with Rory?”
Alexander frozen, looking completely taken aback by the sudden accusation. “What?”
“You heard me, Alexander. Why didn't you uphold your vows? I wasn't dead. I was alive, and you fell in love with Rory. I could have sworn to God you loved her even more than you loved me."
I knew I probably sounded like a completely unhinged lunatic right now, but I didn't care. It had been rotting inside my chest for months, and since we were in therapy, I was exposing every thing.
“You are Rory, Ana,” he let out, his voice thick with a sudden, desperate frustration. “You are the exact same fucking person.”
“But what if I wasn't?!” I cried out, a tear finally spilling over my lashes. “You fell in love with her when you completely believed she was a stranger with my face! Why is that? Do you just have a thing for girls with bigger boobs and cute legs?!”
A sudden, bright flash of amusement danced in Alexander’s face at my emotional outburst. He clearly wasn't expecting that to be the source of my torment.
He slid closer to me on the couch, closing the distance until his heavy warmth completely surrounded me. His eye never left mine as he reached out, gently wrapping his large, calloused hands over mine where they rested trembling on my lap.
“When I first met you as Rory, I tried to beat it into my own head that she wasn't you,” he explained, his voice dropping into a fierce, raw confession. “Obviously, the body was completely different. But every single time I looked deeper into Rory’s eyes, I saw you. I saw glimpses of your soul. I literally forced her to marry me because I blindly believed I could somehow channel you out of her. I am not a superstitious man, Ana. I don't believe in miracles or gods. But when I saw Rory, I genuinely believed the universe was blessing me with you in another form.
"Yes, I fell in love with Rory—but only because I practically molded her in your soul. At first, she couldn't snap back at me. But then later, she started biting my fucking head off with that smart mouth of hers. She became a total brat. And who exactly acts like that? You, Ana. It has always been you, even when I was trying to convince myself I was crazy. All the affection you think I showed Rory wasn't because she was a different woman—it was because my soul recognized my wife, and I wanted to love her right, and do it better this time. It’s you. It has always been you, up until the very second I let you go. The only thing that ever stopped me was the fact that we buried your goddamn bones after that crash. It took four years for another human being to ever pique my interest, and that human being happened to be my wife. So yes, Ana… I held up our fucking vows.”
Tears were streaming down my face in thick, breathless waves now, and my chest ached with a sudden, violent urge to pull his face down and kiss him until we both ran out of air.
Alexander let go of my hands, his large palms coming up to tenderly cup my cheeks, his thumbs gently wiping away the damp tracks of my tears.
“So…” I sniffed, wiping at my nose as I stared at him. “Are you saying… bigger boobs don't matter?”
“They never mattered, Ana,” he murmured, a fierce, protective devotion burning in his gaze. “If you crawled back to me as a deformed, hideous troll, I would still love you exactly the same.”
A wet, broken laugh escaped my lips.
“And if I came back to you as a worm… would you still have sex with me?” I asked, fanning my puffy eyes to dry the tears.
“Yes, baby,” he answered without a single second of hesitation, his thumb stroking my cheekbone. “I fucking would.”
“You’re lying,” I sobed, weakly smacking his solid chest.
A sharp, polite throat-clearing rattled through the air, and for a terrifying second, I had completely forgotten that we weren't alone in the room.
Catherine adjusted her glasses, looking between us. “That was a very beautiful breakthrough, Mr. Miller.”
Alexander didn't even look at her. “I’ll do anything for my wife, shrink.”
Catherine gave him a remarkably tight, strained smile, clearly not enjoying his persistent choice of title. “Are there specific things you are ready to let go of for your wife, Alexander? Things you can promise to adjust during this phase of her healing?”
“A lot.” Alexander slowly dug his hand deep into his leather jacket pocket and pulled something out.
It was a small, bright flash of neon pink.
My jaw practically dropped, my eyes widening as I stared at his palm. “Oh my god! My pink scrunchie! I’ve been looking for that everywhere!” I snatched it out of his hand, staring at the soft fabric.
“After you got back from the death camp, I used to break into your parents' house at night,” he admitted casually, as if he were discussing something simple. “I’d sit by your bed while you slept, watch you breathe, and arrange the mess in your room. I stole this from your table one night. I also have a live GPS tracker hooked to your phone. I watch your location every single second of the day because I am never risking history repeating itself.”
I let out a loud, disbelieving scoff, staring at him in shock.
The entire time I had been wandering around my room wondering who was secretly organizing my jewelry and cosmetics… it had been him. The entire time, he had been tracking my every move. Can this man get any crazier?
“I know it’s insane, and I know I don't know how to love you gently yet,” Alexander whispered, his eye turning vulnerable as his hands dropped back to his sides. “But I can try. I’ve been trying, Ana.”
He did know how to love me gently. He was doing it right now.
“Every single second that you don't talk to me is completely killing me,” he confessed, his voice cracking slightly. “It's driving me straight to the edge. But I am willing to wait for you, Ana. No matter how much longer it takes.”
A soft, genuine smile finally broke through my tears as I looked at him.
Catherine quietly closed her notebook, setting her pen down on the desk with a soft click, drawing our attention back to her. “Well, I think that is the perfect note to conclude our session for today. You both have a lot of raw truths to process, but the foundation is exactly where it needs to be. Take things one day at a time, set your boundaries, and remember to speak to each other—not through short text messages, but like this.”
She stood up, gesturing toward the door. “We will pick up here next week. Take care of yourselves, you two.”
(Author's Note: Finally!)