Chapter 14: Chapter Fourteen
“Jace, are you okay?” Mia set her fork down and peered at him over her glasses.
He hated when she did that. It felt like she could read every thought on his mind.
“I’m fine.”
Maybe visiting Aunt Mia wasn’t the best idea, but there’d been no way he could spend another second in his condo. He missed the colors, the flowers, the dishes in the sink. Hailey’s presence. The monochrome only reminded him of how alone he was.
“How’s Hailey?” His aunt lifted a brow.
Aunt Mia, in true form, was heading right straight for the meat of the matter.
“Nice try. I know what you’re doing.”
She straightened in her chair. “I’m only curious.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t know how she’s doing.” Jace pushed his food away and grabbed his beer. Normally his aunt’s lasagna was enough to make him devour his whole plate. Today, it may as well have been cardboard. “She headed back to San Francisco a week ago, and I haven’t heard from her since.”
Each day he picked up the phone to call or text, and every time, he talked himself out of it.
“She left?” His aunt raised her dark eyebrows. “I thought you two were doing well.”
“Apparently we weren’t.”
“Apparently,” Mia muttered, her blue gaze assessing him carefully. “The rings under your eyes are so dark, someone would think you got in a bar fight.”
That’s because he was barely sleeping. Every morning, he’d get out of bed, exhausted and lonely, and tell himself everything was okay. By the evening, he was the jerk who crawled back into bed alone knowing he’d screwed up royally.
The pillow didn’t even smell like her anymore.
“You should see the other guy.” He grabbed their plates and took them to the kitchen sink. Doing dishes was one of those chores he didn’t mind. It helped clear his thinking.
Behind him, Aunt Mia’s chair legs slid across the smooth hardwood, and her steps followed him into the room. She didn’t say anything as she grabbed a clean dish towel and started drying. It brought him back to when he was a kid, and they would do chores as a team.
They worked in silence until the dishes were done. He paced around the kitchen, putting things away until there was nothing left to clean or set aside.
It wasn’t until he went into the living room and grabbed her guitar that she spoke again.
He settled onto the faded blue couch and picked the chords to the first song that came to mind.
“I haven’t heard you play that song in years,” Mia said as she tossed a pillow aside to sit near him.
“It’s been a while,” he agreed, but it wasn’t so long ago that his fingers forgot the notes and beats. It was all second nature by now.
“It was the first song you learned how to play on your own.”
“I remember.” It was the one song that expressed his loss all those years ago. It seemed to reach deep within and soothe those raw feelings simmering below the surface.
Funny how those feelings were still there, but in a different way. They felt worn smooth. Old. Like a scar you looked at that no longer hurt.
“So, what did you do?” Mia asked.
He didn’t need to clarify what she meant. Aunt Mia was still on the issue with Hailey.
“I didn’t do anything.”
Aunt Mia patted his knee. “I highly doubt that.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What makes you think I did something wrong?”
“Call it a hunch. I did raise you after all.” Mia picked an invisible piece of lint off the couch. “That woman is in love with you, you know.”
Not was in love with him, is. Like nothing had changed since Hailey had walked out.
“She told me as much.”
Aunt Mia smiled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled. “That’s great news. So, what did you say to mess it up?”
“Again, why do you think it was me?”
Aunt Mia shook her head, and her gaze softened. “Because ever since you were a little boy, after your mother left, you’ve pushed people away.” She squeezed his shoulder. “And something tells me you did the same thing to Hailey.”
“I wonder why,” he said. He picked out a sad melody on the guitar. After a minute, he added, “I didn’t say it back to her.”
“Hmm. Do you love her?”
He missed a chord.
Did he love her? Of course, he loved her. That wasn’t the problem. What happened after he built a whole life with her, and she got tired of it?
He looked around the living room’s familiar surroundings and photos as he rolled the question over in his mind, trying to figure out the right answer to his aunt’s question so she’d leave it alone. His eyes landed on a photo that he hadn’t looked at in ages. The one of him in the leaf pile.
He smiled at the memory. He could still feel the crunch of the leaves against his jacketed back. The cool fall air had nipped at his face, and he had laughed until his stomach hurt. It was the first time he had felt free since his mother left. And Mia had somehow captured that moment.
Aunt Mia had always been there for him.
He shifted his gaze back to the woman who raised him and nodded. A very tiny stiff nod. “I love her.”
“Then why not tell her?”
“Because I have nothing to offer her. Sun Tech is being sold. I’m starting over. She doesn’t want to get messed up with that.”
He dropped his head back down to his guitar, avoiding his aunt’s assessing gaze.
“Is that really the reason?”
“And I’ll always wonder how long until she wants out.” There it was, his biggest fear.
“Ah, I see.” Aunt Mia was serious. “I loved raising you. You’ll always be my son, and when I look at you, I see the man I brought up. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But even as I say that, I wish I could change your past and make your family whole for you.”
“You’re family enough for me.” Jace set the pick down on his lap and wrapped an arm around his aunt.
“But your parents made you wary of love. I don’t blame you. Not one bit. But it hurts me to see you hurt yourself.” Her voice was sad and soft and more painful than the song he had just finished.
He tensed. “I’m not hurting myself. I’m avoiding the hurt.”
“Is that so?”
He nodded.
Aunt Mia was not deterred. “And tell me, how is that working out?”
He went back to strumming the guitar.
“I’ve been through it once; I can’t go through it again,” he admitted. It didn’t matter that he missed Hailey so much his chest ached.
“Except this time, you’re putting yourself through the pain when you don’t have to. Go to her. Tell her you love her. Get her back. Don’t waste this chance.”
He slapped his hand over the strings. His heart pounded as silence fell abruptly in the room. “What happens when she gets bored and walks away?”
“Jace—” his aunt touched his face, turning his chin toward her “—your mother didn’t walk away because she was bored. She walked away because she was young and overwhelmed. She had you at eighteen, she was taking care of your father who required a lot of attention, and his depression scared her. She felt her life was going nowhere, and she panicked. I’m not saying what she did was right, but I’m just telling you how she saw it. Hailey isn’t your mother. She isn’t going to walk out on you in the middle of the night.”
“How can I guarantee that?” he demanded, hating that he already felt vulnerable when he had promised himself he’d never let himself hurt like that again.
“There are no guarantees in life.” Aunt Mia shrugged. “At the same time, you’re both adults. Talk your issues out. If you don’t get her back because you’re afraid she may leave, you’ll regret it. Allowing fear to control your life is the biggest mistake you can make. Trust me.”
Her eyes were wide and shining, and he couldn’t miss her own sorrow in them. The skin around her eyes and mouth were pinched tight.
This was the woman who loved him unconditionally, the woman who took him in and raised him on her own without ever looking back. He trusted her with all his heart. And she’d never walked out on him.
“Just think about it,” his aunt added. “This self-imposed prison of loneliness will never make you happy. And I could see Hailey did.”
Hailey had made him happy, incredibly safe and happy. And he pushed her away despite all that.
“I need to get her back,” he said softly.
Mia laughed and stood. “Now that’s what I want to hear. Let’s celebrate with ice cream.”
The next few days dragged by as he attempted to fix the fissure with Hailey. On the way home from his aunt’s, he called her. Twice.
No answer.
Not that he blamed her.
He hit her number to redial a third time, but something stopped him. Maybe she was ignoring him. If she was still mad, calling her nonstop wasn’t going to solve the problem.
The next day, he decided he didn’t care and called her twice more. She didn’t answer or call back, though he had left messages asking her to.
She was definitely ignoring him.
The next day, he sent her a text asking her to call. Not a peep from her.
Maybe she had moved on. What if she had changed her mind and realized she didn’t love him?
He broke out in a cold sweat and called her again.
No answer.
He paced his too small, too dull, too monochrome apartment. Things needed to change. A shopping trip later, he returned with green towels, a blue coffee mug, and a blanket for his couch.
When she didn’t answer the following day, he called his aunt to say hi. It was that or sit helplessly staring at his phone, and he didn’t do helpless.
After the conversation, he sat on his couch, jiggling the phone in his hands.
He had his chance, and he blew it. Grabbing a green pillow, he tossed it across the room.
He should have told her he loved her when he had the chance. Maybe she would have stayed. Maybe she would have left. Either way, he’d know.
There had to be someone who could help him. He scrolled through the numbers in his phone, trying to figure out who to call.
Evan was obviously the last person he’d consider. Aunt Mia gave him all the advice she had. He didn’t know her parents’ number.
Wait…maybe he did.
He scrolled through his calls to a month prior, and on the same day Hailey ran out of her wedding was an unknown number. He hesitated a moment before he dialed. A woman answered after the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Is this Mrs. Miller?” he asked.
“Please call me Jane,” came the response. “Is this Jace?”
“It is.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees as he tried to figure out what to say next.
Jane beat him to the punch. “Are you calling about Hailey?”
“Yes,” he said. One word, but simple, honest, and true.
He could hear the smile in Jane’s voice as she said, “It’s about time.”
“Swimsuit packed?” Jane folded a cover-up and set it in Hailey’s suitcase.
“Check.” Hailey piled three suits into her case, followed by a bottle of sunblock and a hat.
“Pajamas?”
“Got them,” she said with a laugh. “Not that it matters. I’ll be sleeping alone.”
She was taking a trip to Hawaii. By herself.
Her mom had talked her into it, pointing out she had paid most of her wedding off, left two men in a month, and found a new apartment.
After returning to San Francisco, a distraction from her life was more than welcome. While she was happy to be home, to see her friends, and to be back in her world, it somehow didn’t seem as Technicolor bright as she remembered.
It was like Jace had stepped into her life and lit it up so brilliantly that everything felt dim without him around.
She missed having him around, and the way his hands felt on her. If she thought about it enough, she could still feel the sensation of his fingers tracing the lines of her body.
More than anything, she missed how happy he made her.
She flicked her bangs out of her eyes and focused on packing. “Are you sure you don’t want to go?”
Her mom pushed some shoes aside and sat down on the bed. “Honey, I think this is something you need to do on your own.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“Plus, your father would be jealous if we went without him.”
Hailey laughed as she tossed in a dress. “I’m just about done. Want to watch a movie after? I have Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer.”
Her mom’s face lit up. “Twist my arm, if you must. I’ll watch just about anything if you have Cherry Garcia.”
Hailey packed the last few items and zipped the suitcase closed. “My bag is packed, I’m checked in, and I have my snacks ready for the plane tomorrow. Anything else?”
“Don’t forget to find a hot man to make you forget everything.” Jane flashed a wide smile.
“Mom!” There was no way that was happening. It was impossible to close her eyes and think of another man besides Jace. Maybe over time, she’d finally be ready to meet someone.
“Promise me if a tall, dark, handsome man shows up and is interested, you won’t say no,” her mom teased.
“I think I’ve had enough trouble with men for the year,” Hailey retorted. She padded into her kitchen and pulled open the magnet-covered freezer door.
She pulled out a carton of ice cream and set it on the counter and pulled out a couple spoons.
The door buzzer sounded, announcing a guest.
Hailey glanced at Jane, who was pulling down bowls. “Is Dad coming over?”
Her mom shook her head, but there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. “UPS?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t remember ordering anything.”
She headed to the door to check the peephole. The man on the other side of the door was definitely not UPS.
All the air escaped her lungs in one whoosh, and her heart dipped all the way to her stomach before flipping back up.
Great. It was official. She was losing her mind. She wanted Jace back so badly, she was imagining him on the other side of her door.
“Who is it?” her mom called.
She didn’t answer. Instead, she fumbled with the lock and opened the door with numb fingers. There, in real life, was Jace standing in front of her. A bouquet of flowers in one hand. His other hand tapping on his thigh.
“What on earth are you doing here?” she demanded.
“It’s good to see you too.” Jace’s hand clenched around the irises. “Can I come in?”
It was such a relief to see him, that more than anything she wanted to let him in, to fall into his arms and forget the past couple weeks.
She tucked her chin and forced herself to stay rooted to her spot. She needed to think about what was best for her.
“Please.” He gave her a small smile and ran his hand through his hair.
Nerves, she realized. Jace, who always seemed so cool and collected, was nervous. About her.
She pushed the door open and stepped back. “We don’t have any fancy technology here. I hope you can handle that.”
Jace walked into her Victorian-era apartment and looked around. It felt surreal having him here. She watched his eyes land on her green love seat, her little brown coffee table, and the landscape pictures hanging on the wall. Everything in her place was a burst of color. The exact opposite of Jace’s cool, icy apartment.
Her mom walked into the room. “Jace, this is a surprise. It’s so nice to meet you.” She pulled Jace into a hug.
Hailey sent silent daggers at her mom. “You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”
Her mom gathered up her purse and shoes. “You’ve been moping for weeks.”
She shot her mom her darkest look. Traitor.
“You weren’t returning my calls,” Jace added.
“Yes, to save my sanity.” It was torturous enough to know Jace didn’t love her. Having him try to pop back into her life made it even more painful. “I’m not accepting contracts with Sun Tech anymore. If you need an events coordinator, you’ll have to ask someone else.”
“That’s not why I’m here. And Sun Tech is being sold.”
“Wait, what?” She stopped glaring at her mom to look at Jace. Jace must have ran his hands through his hair a thousand times on the way over to her place. His hair stood nearly on end as he stared down at her with those beautiful gray eyes that she’d never get enough of.
“I’m here for you.”
Her rational brain told her not to believe him. Her heart, her treacherous heart, began to beat a hopeful rhythm.
“Well, I’m going to head out,” Jane called. “Tell me when you get back from Hawaii.”
With that, Hailey was left to deal with the lion in her den.
“Going to Hawaii?” Jace asked.
She nodded, unsure what else to say. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Her body felt as unstable as her hands.
“Do you want to sit down?” Luckily her voice sounded far more confident than she felt.
She led him into her living room. Somehow Jace’s presence made the small room feel even tinier. He was all she could focus on as he moved around her space.
She sat on the edge of the green sofa, too tense to lean back.
Jace didn’t sit. He moved to her bookcase, looking at her photos and knickknacks, touching her books as he read the titles.
He broke the silence after reading the titles of her giant stack of romance novels.
“Can I go with you?”
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
Jace cocked his head to the side, looking impossibly irresistible. “Can I go to Hawaii with you?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She couldn’t look at Jace’s crestfallen face and not want to give in. She stood and moved to the window. Her view wasn’t anything extraordinary, a few Victorian-era houses across the street, but she enjoyed looking at them.
“While I appreciate you stopping by, it’s too painful to be around you and not wish for the impossible.” She twined her fingers behind her back. More than anything in the world, she wanted to touch him. “I think you should go.”
“I’ll go. But please hear me out first.”
Fine. She’d listen to whatever bull he had to say and get him out of here.
She turned around, giving him a look that let him know she was at the end of her rope.
Jace cleared his throat and moved until he was inches from her. He was so close she could lean into him if she wanted.
“I love you.”
Her breath hitched in her lungs.
Three simple words, the words that she had been missing since the day she confessed her love, hung in the air.
A warm glow formed low in her belly.
“What did you say?”
“I love you.” A broad grin covered his face.
Was she dreaming? “Are you sure?”
“A hundred and ten percent. When you left, you took all the brightness out of my life. I was stuck in my black-and-white world, and that life was no longer enough.”
She still couldn’t quite look at him. It was too much. Like looking at the sun.
She reached her hand out to his, and he curled his hand around hers. The rough calluses of his palm brushed against her skin, and electricity shot through her.
“I realized I want you back. I need you back in my life. And when you wouldn’t answer my calls, I thought for sure you were done with me.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Are you are done with me?”
She met his eyes. “I will never be done with you.”
Jace’s lips broke into a boyish grin. He grabbed her hand and raised it to his lips. “I’m sorry I left you those weeks ago. I knew I loved you, but I was afraid and acting out of fear. I want you to know I’m not giving up now. I called your mom and begged her to give me your address.”
“I’ve always questioned her loyalty.”
“I flew all the way from Houston to ask you one question.”
“Yes,” she prodded. Her stomach fluttered as Jace held her hands and closed his eyes, as though choosing his words carefully.
“Do I still have a chance?”
She couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across her lips. “Do you want a chance?”
“Yes.” He was all seriousness. “When you told me you loved me, you weren’t the one running. I was. I had spent my whole life afraid of loving someone again, afraid they’d leave me the same way my mother left. I mean, if my own mom didn’t want me, why would anyone else?”
Her heart tugged, and she raised her hand to his cheek. “I want you.”
Jace leaned and brushed his lips against hers. A shiver ran through her at the contact.
“I had to figure out that for myself. Once you were gone, I realized that losing the chance to love you was the biggest mistake of my life. I want to love you and learn what makes you tick. I want a future with marriage and babies. I want it all.”
She couldn’t stop smiling as she reached up onto her toes. “I want it all too.”
Jace met her halfway. He kissed her hard and slow. Just the feel of his hands against her hips and his lips on hers awoke sensations that she never knew were possible. She arched into him, sinking deeper into his touch. The room faded to a blur as Jace became her only focus.
She needed him now.
Grabbing his hand, she led him into her bedroom. She pulled her suitcase to the floor then turned all her attention to the man she loved.
“When are you leaving?” Jace made quick work disposing of her shirt.
“Tomorrow morning.” It took her a second to release his belt.
“Want a travel partner?”
Her body ached to feel his warm skin against her own, and she yanked his shirt over his head. “I’d love one.”
They fell in bed together, limbs tangled in an intimate knot. Her body was taut and ready, and the feel of Jace’s lips brushing over her sensitive skin made her moan in appreciation.
When he finally sank into her, she had never felt more complete. He moved inside her with slow, hard strokes.
“I can’t believe you’re mine,” he whispered.
They moved in a rhythm all their own as she surrendered herself fully to him. She took all he had to offer and gave back all she could. Her body arched under him as she neared her peak.
“That’s right, honey,” Jace coaxed in her ear. “Come for me. Let me give you that gift.”
Then her world burst into a blinding white light as she tipped over the edge.
Afterward, Jace held her close, pushing her hair from her face. “You know, I had a crush on you for years.”
“You never did anything about it. In fact, you chased me off.”
Jace pressed his lips against her hair. “And I will spend the rest of my life making up for those lost years.”
She kissed him, taking in the masculine taste of him, the scent of his musk, the feel of his skin against hers. How she got so lucky, she didn’t know.
“And I will spend the rest of my life loving you,” she responded.