Chapter 62: Two of hearts parting

On Friday night, I decided to leave Paper Chase a little late as I started working on a newly assigned manuscript to me. Unlike Ms. Grace, I didn't need to meet up often with this new client since she had already published many books before, so she didn't need the same guidance I provided to Ms. Grace. I had no idea what came to me, but I suddenly had the urge to start working on it. It was about 8:00 pm when I headed to the cafe in front of Paper Chase, and it shocked me to see many customers inside. After I ordered, I sat at the table beside the window, the bustle of the city before my eyes as I thought of Evan. Since yesterday, he hadn't contacted me, and I wondered if he was doing fine. "Evan . . . "I pouted as I sipped a drink from my iced coffee. Shrugging off the thoughts, I opened my laptop to start writing my second book. I was not going to rush this one, but I decided to start this early with more enthusiasm than before; this could turn out better than my first one. Not that my first book didn't do well. It did pretty well, even exceeding my expectations. It was included in some book charts all over the country, and Paper Chase kept on printing more formats due to high demand from bookstores. A little later, I read and reviewed the details of the upcoming book signing event for my book that was going to be held in two weeks. I must've indulged in reading that I didn't notice my phone buzzed in my bag for what felt like a thousand times already. And when I finally took it out, my phone seemed it was about to explode with 26 messages and 85 calls from Kayla and 15 messages and 38 calls from Ms. Grace. I was scared; both of them had never texted or called me that much. What could be the reason for this sudden situation? Shaking a little, I opened the recent ones both of them sent. Kayla: Misty, where are you? Why aren't you answering your calls? Ms. Grace: Dear, answer your phone, please. Are you okay? I frowned in an absolute state of confusion. What was happening? Of course, I was okay. Why was Ms. Grace asking me that? So I opened another set of messages from them, not expecting the next thing I saw-some news links from The Scope Media and other media and gossip sites which had me standing abruptly while clutching my chest, making the people around me look. I gulped as I tried to catch my breath. This was not happening. Ms. Grace: "BREAKING NEWS: K-Pop Idol Evan Park's Dating Scandal." Kayla: "The Rising K-Pop Idol Evan Park's Secret Girlfriend, Revealed!" Coming back to my senses, I plopped myself back on my seat as I clicked on the first link with shaking fingers. It led me to The Scope Media's gossip section, where the trending article-the very first article on the topmost part of the section-was a picture of Evan and me. When I opened the article, I felt my heart would combust already with my eyes already holding my growing tears. In the article, I could see many photos of Evan and me as though it was a kind of compilation. It was like a whole story of us illustrated in an article; starting from the very first time I rode in Evan's car that day my car had a problem; that same day, he bought me coffee; that moment, we lay in the middle of the road; a couple of times we met at Kayla's cafe; when we runaway after our photoshoot; when I rode his motorcycle; and the worst part, the one that sent a gazillion splinters to my heart was the night at Han River when Evan confessed to me. Just how was this possible? "How-" I couldn't even say anything to calm myself. My mind seemed to be in a detrimental haze causing me to break finally, endless tears sliding down my cheeks as I thought of Evan. This was my fault. I should've been more careful during those times, and now I caused this messed-up situation. Worse, it was going to affect Evan the most. I was more worried about Evan. He was going to be more attacked than me. A notification from Twitter trending topics propped up on my phone, and I already had a hunch of what the tweet would be: a thread of photos of Evan and me during that night we ate at a food festival. Unlike the other shots where my face was blurry, my face in these photos was very clear to the eyes unless you have damaged eyes. As my breathing slowed down, I rearranged my mind about what happened that night. I saw some of Evan's fans take photos of us, but I didn't think they also included me in the shot. Such a tweet only proved the articles uploaded on different sites to be true because the tweet even mentioned how they were able to take autographs from Evan. User 1: We were eating at the food festival when Evan-oppa suddenly appeared in the scene. User 2: That's right! I was there too. We were about to approach him for his autograph when we noticed that lady with him. User 3: We thought they were just friends, but then they looked like more than that by the way talk with each other. Also, we realized she was the same lady who partnered with Evan-oppa in the photoshoot for the 'Once Upon A Time' collection, so we assumed that they were more than just friends seeing how close they were. User 1: She doesn't deserve Evan-oppa, though. She can't date him! "I'm so stupid! This is my fault!" I hit my head several times. That's why some of those girls were rolling their eyes at me. "Crap." I read some more of the tweets. For some miracle, not everyone was getting mad at the issue. Instead, they attacked the three girls who further posted additional photos of us. Some of his fans said that what happened was more like an invasion of Evan's private life which shouldn't be published cruelly. User 4: Hey! All of you are so mean, though! What are you? Sasaeng fans? My friends and I happened to see her, too, with Evan-oppa at a cafe. She was very nice to step aside and patiently wait until we finished talking with Evan-oppa. User 5: Yeah! I could attest to that. And we didn't take photos of her because we wanted to respect Evan-oppa's private life. User 6: Right! His friend or anything more than that, we should respect Evan-oppa. We are only his fans. We don't have the right to control him! My heart felt at ease seeing there were still lovely people defending Evan's side. But this didn't mean I shouldn't feel worried. Something terrible happened, and I must set things straight for Evan's sake. When I looked up, people in the cafe were already staring at me as they murmured. By looking at how they were sending such intriguing stares, I assumed they already knew the issue. "No way. She's really the girl with Evan Park," I heard someone murmured, making others carefully look at me. I couldn't take it anymore, so I headed toward the exit door, but then a message from Evan popped. Evan: Misty, where are you??? I'm here at Paper Chase. Calm down, okay? The place felt even more suffocating than earlier for me that I didn't even have additional minutes to stay in the cafe, so I hurried up to fix my things to meet Evan. By how he texted me, it only meant that he knew already. Luckily, I didn't need to wait to cross the roads as the traffic lights were already green, so I walked briskly on the crosswalks, my shoulder bumping other people I should have apologized to, but I must've lost my manner not to do so. Panting with my face still damped because of my tears, I bent a little and put my hands on my knees to catch my breath the moment I arrived back at Paper Chase. I didn't notice it right away, but as fate would have it, in front of me was chaos. Many reporters holding their microphones from different media and photographers with their huge cameras were raging in the lobby, as security officers tried stopping them from approaching a person standing in the middle of the lobby. It was Evan. Seeing how chaotic the surroundings were, I did not attempt to approach Evan, so I texted him the direction to my office, saying we should meet there instead of getting caught. When Evan read my message, he somehow found me and glanced before he slowly hid his phone once he saw me nod, mentally telling him to go and wait for me inside. I hid in some corner, trying not to get caught by the media. When Evan made his way to the elevator, the flock of paparazzi shamelessly followed his track as though they were starved predators ready to catch their prey. But Paper Chase's security officers and other officers from whom only God knew they came from were fast enough to halt them from doing so. I waited for all of them to leave, and luckily, when it seemed clear to them that Evan wasn't going to go down and let them interview him, they soon left the premises. I clutched my chest when I arrived in front of my office, staring blankly at my door. Evan should be waiting for me inside now. It was all so fast after a few seconds of hesitating to go inside: the way I quickly made my way to open the door, the rushing flow of my tears on my cheeks when I saw his worried face, the way he reached my wrist and pulled me into an untamed and passionate hug as though he was implying that everything was going to be okay, which I returned with the same force. "Misty, are you okay? I was worried for you," he reckoned in the calmest tone of his voice. Calm enough, if only I weren't hugging him, I would've broken down to the floor. "Hey, hey . . . It's okay. Stop crying. It's going to be alright." I pulled myself away from Evan and saw his kind face. He was dressed in a black suit, its buttons opened. His tie was poorly loosened-which I knew was the one he wore in the final episode of the survival show, so it meant he flew directly back to Korea after filming-and his mullet hair was so messy as though he had gone through a track and field event. He was going to be more affected in this situation-the main center of the topic considering his label-but right now, he was the one who was being strong, not showing any hints of being frightened about the possible aftermath of the situation. "Evan, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault," I mumbled, my teeth quickly biting my lower lips to quell my succeeding tears. "I should've been more careful all those times I spent with you. I was so careless not to observe the surroundings." This time, I couldn't suppress my tears anymore, which I quickly wiped with the end part of my long sleeves. "That night at the food festival, I figured out they were taking photos of you, but I didn't expect they would include me in the shot since I was already hiding my face." "Shh, Misty." He took a single wide step for him to be already close to me again before leaning down a bit to say, in a fondly affectionate tone of his, "None of this is your fault." He wiped my tears with his thumb. A cold air that felt like I had just eaten some mints swiped inside the office, which had me hugging myself. I realized I forgot to close my windows earlier before leaving. I headed to the windows to partly close them, with Evan following me from behind. I noticed the reporters and photographers running out of their vans as I approached the window area. They weren't satisfied with what happened earlier, so they came back. Evan glanced as to where I was looking. "They should learn the value of respecting other people, too," he reckoned in a clear tone holding himself from getting furious. "How did they know where to find you in a short amount of time?" I asked, finally closing the window. "The articles came like less than an hour ago and you . . . How did you know what happened? When? W-when did you arrive?" My head hurt with all the confusion right now. Evan darted his gaze from the messy sight outside before loosening his tie to take it off his neck. "I was already on my way to the entertainment when Grace-noona called me about what happened. They seemed to have followed me from the airport." "What happens now?" I asked, my mind rattling with heavy pressure deep inside me, even consuming my emotions to think of the horrendous outcomes that were possibly going to occur. And then, I realized how gravely this was going to affect Evan rather than I could hide from the exposure. I didn't want that to happen. He started with an audible sigh, "My company will release a statement soon. But don't worry," he uttered and wrapped me in his arms. "They will not say anything until I've given them my permission." I managed to half-smile, a pitiful smile swirling in the spreading anxiety within me. Suddenly, the pressure made me kind of frightened of how this would affect me, considering I was only starting to build my name in the writing and publishing industry. And for Evan, I didn't want him to make his career slowly fall into pieces because of me. In a painstaking spur of the moment, I felt like I was on the brink of choosing between the only person I loved so much and my growing career, and somehow, it felt overwhelming. I drew myself away from Evan and looked at the scene once more, my thoughts far away and impassive. "But they're not going to follow what you're going to say to them. They're going to deny everything for your own sake, right?" "Misty, I, um, I don't know." Evan must've sensed the fret of my thoughts because he seemed to be quite stuttering, his voice hesitating, but then his reassuring voice reckoned, "But there's one thing I'm sure of right now, I'm going to protect you at all cost." And the thing that I was frightened most about happened: him throwing out his opportunities and doing things that could affect his career, just . . . for the sake of me. No, he was not supposed to do that at all. He had a lot more to lose than me, and I was not going just to let this slide. "No, don't even . . . Just don't!" I bleated, the pressure in my eyes becoming weighty and warm, and I must've sounded so sharp seeing how Evan's widened eyes. I've never sounded furious at him like this way before. "Don't, Evan." I couldn't even think straight, not even close to normal. But I knew what I should do now, at this instant, even if my mind were addled with compiling worries. "Do not protect me. The ones you should be protecting are yourself, your company, your . . . reputation as an idol," I whimpered, my words mumbled. "Evan, I . . . don't want you getting yourself into trouble or missing out on opportunities-worse, ruin your image-just because of me. I don't want to hurt you." Evan attempted to take a step to approach me but hastily stopped when I put my hand in front of him as a sign not to proceed, his expression in a complete state of confusion. "Misty, you don't know what you're saying. You're-" "I'm genuinely sorry, Evan. These weren't even supposed to happen if I didn't appear in your life. This is my fault and- "Misty, stop." His voice. Sad and fragile. It painfully shattered my heart into a gazillion pieces, devastating enough like there were little splinters gravely pressed into a fresh wound. I took a deep breath and pressed the back of my hands into my eyes before straightening my shoulders to face Evan. "Evan . . . we should-" "Misty . . ." The way he'd said my name was always unique and pleasant to my hearing. Maybe it was the sharpness and the reassuring tone. Perhaps it was just . . . everything. The depth of his expressiveness and how he'd always fondly call my name. But this time, it was uncharacteristically different. There was something behind it that I couldn't quite figure out. Behind his voice was . . . vulnerability. This was it, I thought. The very thing that should put something back into place. And so the dreadful weight in my heart, the one rammed in it like a fresh wound had been stabbed a hundred more times, sank even heavier. Almost making my thoughts and emotions drown. "I think we should just-" "No, don't say anything!" he said sharply, his eyes almost bright red. I studied Evan's face for several minutes, and it was clear that he was getting furious, but he was trying his best to hide the mounting anger behind a half-smile. Staring at him at this very moment was painfully unfamiliar to endure. The fright he was trying to suppress and the sadness were something I wasn't used to seeing. Intense and aching, so different from the always-so-bright and cheery Evan. "It's the proper thing to do, Evan," I reckoned coolly, and at this point, my eyes finally stung, so I closed them tight before another set of tears fell. "Don't you realize how different our lives are? How it's going to be riskier for you than for me? I am perfectly aware of the sacrifices and hardships you did to become the person you are today," I let out a weak chuckle before forcing myself to continue. Just barely. "I will not forgive myself for ruining everything for you if we go continue this . . . relationship." "So, what are you trying to say? That we should . . . stop this? That we should-" "Break up." It was as though I had dropped the most painful bombshell, but it needed to be done. Evan was too kind and good-hearted to end our relationship; he would never break up with me. I just knew it. Evan was the kind of person who wouldn't dare do things that could hurt someone special to him. It was not in his personality to hurt someone-to hurt someone he loved. Never. He'd do anything that he could to protect me. If there were anyone to weigh the situation to protect him, it would have to be me. With a heavy sigh, I uttered, "Let's . . . break up, Evan." "No," he said, his voice precise and clear. Sharp to even endure. "Evan . . . "I turned to cup his face so he could look at me. "Instead of making this more difficult for the both of us, it's better this way. Parting ways from each other-when there seems to be no way out of these risks-doesn't mean that we never loved each other. It means we chose to sacrifice for each other's sake." I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand as I averted my sight to the scene below. The news vans and reporters were still flocking the entrance of Paper Chase. "We might've meant to fall in love with each other just like in any love story, but it doesn't necessarily mean we're meant to be together." A few seconds passed, and Evan was beside me already, his hands inside his pocket, and I could tell from how perplexed his eyes were that he wasn't yet skimming what I had just told him as though I had dropped a massive, unblemished prank. He scoffed and weakly plopped himself to the floor just under the window, the air skimming inside. "Right. Of course." "Evan . . . " He winced and then looked at me. "But why do you make it sound like everything is so easy, Misty? No, let me rephrase that. Why is it so damn easy for you to let go?" He stared at the wall clock before exhaling sharply and then rasped, "What about what I want? What about the mere fact that I want to protect you, too?" "I told you not to protect me." I sat beside him and swallowed my saliva, and it was like acid hurting my throat even to continue. "I'm sorry, Evan. Please tell your company to do anything that it takes to deny everything in their power, so you'll be protected- "And shit, is this some kind of a tragedy? A tragic twist of fate I did not expect to even happen? Because, damn"-he smiled sourly, a wistful smile-"I should've controlled myself back then, then maybe, I would've not fallen for you this much." His voice sounded deep and guttural to be his own. "Then maybe, I would've not loved you this much. Then maybe, it wouldn't this much." "I'm sorry, Evan." And for the first time, I saw Evan cry. He cried because of me, and it almost didn't register to me that I was already wiping the wetness of his cheeks with my thumb fingers. His eyes were already swelling with redness, and I could feel his pain as my eyes' stinging was already burning me. And that would've been it. We could've ended the discussion already and gone on our ways if Evan's hand didn't pull me into his body, his arms immediately wrapping me, and I savored the moment for a few precious seconds. And then, in a heartbreaking, throbbing tone, he whispered, "I love you, Misty. I truly do," he uttered and kissed me gently on my forehead. My breath hitched, his lips soft and warm on my skin. I didn't even think of what to do next, so I put my hands on his nape to pull him even closer until there was only a tiny space between our lips, but neither of us dared to close the gap. And then it hit me: it was frightening even to try. That it would definitely feel good and reassuring once our lips locked with each other. All the feelings would've overflowed, and we would not proceed to part. Before I could even withdraw from Evan, his hands reached my back, stopping me from getting away from him, my hands sliding to his shoulder as we rested each other's foreheads on each other, our noses feeling the warmth of each other. Still. One last time. At this silent moment. Our moment was rather a proper goodbye, bittersweet and precious. The moment it all ended, things would be all the better for it-would be better for Evan. "I love you . . . a million times, Evan." Evan whimpered weakly and closed the tiny gap between our lips. He was also the one who wrapped his arms around me to deepen the kiss and gently pushed me against the wall, our lips moving in coordination to find the proper angles. And when his lips parted, my lips rhythmically parted too, and I ultimately felt his tongue slide into my mouth, meeting mine. Again, like a surging tide, the sinking of the moment splashed over us. And so, I pulled back first, and his quiet, pretty face-all wet and painted with nothing but pain and wreckage-was blurred before me, as my eyes stung with tears sliding down my cheeks. "Misty, wait for me." Evan left. I knew; I felt it. He actually wanted to protect me by all means when all I wanted was to protect him, too.