Chapter 61

Jake

Time moves a lot slower when every waking thought is consumed by her. The seconds drag by, each one a reminder of what I’d lost and I’m haunted by endless conversations, playing on a loop in my head, of things I wish I had said and what I’d tell her if I had just one more chance.

Words are not enough, I need to show her how much she means to me. I love her, so very deeply. I miss the way her mouth curls up when she smiles, I miss her sweet laughter and the way she’d look at me like I was the only one who knew her.

Who am I kidding? She’ll never allow me another chance, not after what I’d done. I was just one of the many people who had betrayed her now. Only in my dreams do I get to hold her, to kiss her soft, supple lips. Only in my dreams have I marked her and she’s claimed me as her own but dreams fade out once the morning comes and all I’m left with is self-loathing.

Today had been especially lonely, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what made it any different from the other days though. As the Alpha of the Tingira pack, I was always kept busy but up here, in the empty house, there was very little to do to pass the hours.

Tom hadn’t visited in days and as much as I wanted to talk to Louisa, I didn’t want to burden her with my problems or cause her any unnecessary stress. I hadn’t left the house since moving in. Daniel had delivered my clothes to me as well as some food back at the start of the week but that was the last contact I’d had with the pack.

I missed human interaction but I had promised Hannah that I’d give her space, which meant I had to stay off pack land, unless it was for official business, like the meeting we were having with Tom on Friday.

Emma has a bookcase filled with novels, all of which are sappy romance books. The covers were enough to make me cringe, each one had some perfect-looking, models that were all over each other. Without a TV in the house, the books were the only form of entertainment on offer.

I pick a book at random, not even looking at the cover and lie down on the couch to read the trashy novel. I get a few chapters in though and am surprised to find that I’m actually enjoying the storyline. Sure, it’s predictable, girl meets boy, they don’t like each other at first but there’s an underlying attraction between the two.

Everything was going swimmingly for the fictional couple but when his ex-girlfriend shows up and starts causing trouble, I find myself throwing the book across the room in anger. The book was meant to be a distraction from my life but instead it was a reminder of what I’d done to get myself here.

The book lay face down on the floor, mocking me and I knew if I gave in to my anger, I’d burn the pages. This was a sign that I should get out of the house. I can’t go to the pack though and there’s not a lot to do in Tingira this late at night, except hit up Icebergs for cold, frothy, mind-numbing beer.

The walk to Icebergs was a lot closer to the house than the pack, I didn’t have to trudge through the forest to get there. Wednesday night is student night, so I expected the bar to be filled with wasted uni students, getting drunk on what little money they had made from their part-time jobs, as drinks were half price.

As soon as I step into the establishment I get hit by the scent of sweet Honeydew melon and I can’t help but scan the room until I find her, sitting with Serena and Kayla. I tell myself I have to leave immediately, but my legs don’t cooperate; instead, I find myself walking to an empty barstool and planting myself down.

Ted, the bartender knows me well enough to bring me a beer without even needing to order, which is good because I can’t tear my eyes away from Hannah. She’d have to know I’m here but she won’t turn around. Instead, she strides up to a group of arse clowns who are poorly playing darts and throwing back drinks as if the alcohol is about to expire at any moment.

Hannah looks exquisite, the silver dress clinging to her luscious body like a second skin. I’d give anything to peel it off and ravish her all night. I’m sitting here with four days of unshaven facial hair and looking like I crawled out of a dumpster and here she is, the goddess of perfection.

I’m so focused on Hannah that I don’t notice the seat next to me is now occupied until a hand waves in front of my eyes.

“Earth to Jake.” Hazel is trying to get my attention and has irritated me by pulling it away from Hannah.

“What is she even doing here?” I ponder out loud as I watch Hannah snuggle up to one of the men. I could kill him with my bare hands, snap his neck so easily.

“Looks like they’re having a girls’ night,” Hazel answers me, pointing to Serena and Kayla. “Kaylz texted me to ask if I could take her home.”

She says it so casually, like she doesn’t even realise how alarming this is for me. Hannah is out, on the prowl. I knew this would happen eventually but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I can’t get angry or upset that she’s moving on, I pretty much pushed her into the arms of the big beefhead that is drooling all over her.

“I can’t be here, if she sees me here she will think I’m stalking her.” I panic. Watching Hannah is slicing my heart wide open but still, I can’t pull myself up and out of the chair.

“Kayla said they drank a lot tonight so it might be best to stick around, in case Hannah needs help getting home safely,” Hazel advises me, really having no clue how bad that idea will turn out for me.

“Hazel, if she turns around and sees me sitting here with you...” I begin to say as I watch Hannah throw the dart, it lands in the middle of the board and my greatest fear begins to play out, she turns. Our eyes lock and in that moment I can read her face like the novel I threw across the room. I know exactly what she’s thinking, she’s assumed I’m on a date with Hazel. Fuck!!!

She grabs hold of beefcake and drags him out onto the dance floor, like he’s a reluctant rag doll she has chosen to torture me with.