Chapter 10

Erik put his hands up in the air, obviously flustered. “I... no, that’s not what I meant,” he said. “I was just thinking out loud. I didn’t mean to make you think I suspected you. It’s just that’s what the pack will think. That whole thing is too fresh in a lot of their minds for them to trust you. That makes sense, right? You understand?”

I looked down at my feet and swallowed the drink. “I guess,” I said half-heartedly. “Then I’ll have to figure out some way to make them trust me.”

Erik took a big breath and sighed. “I don’t know that it’ll be as easy as that. They’ve got a long history of not trusting normal people. After all, look at the town. There aren’t any. That’d be like, I don’t know, an eighteen year-old moving into a retirement home and getting all the old people to trust them. I just don’t—”

I snorted ingloriously, and could hardly keep from bellowing I started laughing so hard. Although he was pretty much right.

“So you’re saying I’m just stuck? I can’t possibly do anything that will make all these people, who by the way, all seem to like me fine, trust me? I’m just supposed to shrug my shoulders and give up? I mean, if they are just not going to trust me at all, ever, then why was I brought here in the first place? Why am I allowed to go to court meetings and hear all the town secrets if I’m just going to steal everything?”

I was fuming. I wasn’t proud of it, but I also couldn’t stop myself.

“You know why you were hired. Town initiative, outreach program to open the place up and maybe get some fresh perspective on things. Honestly, it worked better than anyone thought,” he said. “You lasted a whole lot longer than the first guy. He took off the second he saw Leon.”

“Great,” I said. “So I’m a failed outreach project. I wasted two years of my life, and now because some undead bear shows up, everyone’s decided humans are evil again? Remind me why I’m still here?”

Erik moved closer and grabbed my shoulders. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that—”

“Yeah,” I cut him off. “No, that’s exactly what you’re saying. Some human stole a bunch of money years and years ago, and so all the people in Jamesburg are now literally incapable of ever trusting another person. Even one they like. I should just up and leave then?”

“Whoa, whoa, no one said that,” Erik said, holding me still. He leaned in for a kiss but I twisted away at the last second.

“Not so fast,” I said. “This is one time I’m actually serious about not wanting the distraction from you getting me all hot and excited.”

That shut him down faster than anything I’d ever seen. Erik just stood there looking dejected for a second. Dejected! I’d never see that before.

That was almost as crazy as when he apologized.

“I just want to be able to have the woman I love around all the time and not have to worry about what a bunch of cranky old foxes and hedgehogs will think about it,” Erik said all in one breath.

And then he realized what he’d actually said.

The ‘L’ word. There it was. He’d never once admitted any kind of feelings for me. Actually, he’d never admitted much of anything except that he liked me a lot and that I wasn’t horrible dinner company. He made his emotions clear through actions, he always said.

“You... what?” I asked.

He turned bright red.

The pack alpha turning bright red with embarrassment. Oh my God, I could’ve fallen over dead. Even if the whole pack thought I was a crook by association because of my species, seeing Erik almost curl up into a ball, utterly mortified at having actually expressed a normal emotion was just...

priceless.

“Nothing,” he said. “What I meant was—”

“Oh no,” I said with a grin. “You don’t get away from it that easily. I heard you, and you know I heard you. Say it again. It makes you as mad as it does me how closed-minded everyone is about this, doesn’t it?” He grinded his teeth.

“Yes,” he said, looking straight at the ground. “I’ve never...”

“Out with it, you big brute,” I said. Goading him was just too much fun. “Why are you acting so embarrassed? I tell you how much I care about you, and God forbid, even love you, all the time. Why is it so awful for you to admit the same thing?”

As he stood there, bashfully staring at the toes of his boots, I started remembering back about a year ago when I realized that I was in love with Erik.

We’d had some trysts, some romantic rendezvous before, but there was this one time that I was, sick with the flu, and he showed up in the middle of the night with a bottle of water and two Thera-Flu packets. I realize that doesn’t sound like much, but for Erik? He even heated up the water when he found out it was supposed to be hot. It was... well, it was surprising to see how protective and nurturing he got when his precious little Izzy felt like shit. I think that was an exact quote.

When I asked him why he was so nice, he said it was because he couldn’t have his secretary feel like shit, because it made my transcriptions hard to read. That’s... not exactly what he meant, though. The way he hung around for like three days, cancelled all sorts of meetings? Yeah, I got a pretty good idea how much I meant to him right then.

But still, he never said anything. Never gave me any kind of emotional support or said nice things. That part bothered me, but I’d long since decided that he was just going to do things on his own accord.

“Why does it bother you?” I asked, remembering the way he kissed me the first night my fever broke. He looked about like he was going to cry with how sick I was. He never did, of course, but I swear he had mist in his eyes back then. “I mean, what difference does it make? I’m just some girl to you, right? Like, you’ve had other mates before. What’s so special about me? Oh wait, no, now you’re physically addicted to me. Is that all I am,

Erik? A fix?”