Chapter 20

Trinity

I filled the bathtub with the coldest water possible and emptied the box of ice. I wasn’t looking forward to getting into it, but the book was clear that this was the way to go. It said that I needed to deaden my sense and force my mind to retreat. It also said that it helped to recreate a sensation related to the time that I was trying to retrieve.

They said I was found at the bottom of a valley inside of a snowdrift. Ice water was as close as I could get to that. I shivered and swirled the ice around in the tub, and started to undress.

I turned on the timer. There was some sort of limit that I needed to adhere to if I possibly could.

I bristled as I slipped in, trying to get my body used to the cold of the water. It was almost painful, and soon my skin felt like a million needles were pricking me. I sunk into the tub slowly, shivering and readying myself to completely submerge myself. I slipped under the surface and tried not to focus on the coldness. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into my mind. I reached into my subconscious, letting the cold take over. I saw a sunset-lit sky as if I was back in the valley where I was found.

This was probably a good start. I looked up, and I felt a presence nearby. I couldn’t say where it was exactly, but I knew it was there watching me. I heard the sound of voices asking me if I could hear them. Then it all went dark.

Then I saw the inside of a bank. I remembered that I had been stopping off to get cash for my parents. I saw the bank robbers. I felt the hands of the man dragging me into the truck. My stomach lurched as I felt the tilt of the truck and the way it tumbled and crashed.

Someone screamed. I heard something crunch. I saw a man’s head flying through the air, spraying blood everywhere. Fear filled me as I tried to find a way to escape, to get up.

The furry figure drifted into place in front of me before turning into a man, but I couldn’t see the man’s face. I knew this man was the same one I was seeing.

A murdered. A killer. My mind kept spiraling, but I couldn’t think. I heard the murmur of his voice then everything went dark and whirling away from me.

The darkness parted quickly. I fell into a vicious scene. A woman tried to crawl away from a man. She screamed and cried, crawling towards the bars of the cell. He grabbed her by her ankle and dragged her back with one ruthless pull. He growled and pushed her head aside. The woman screamed and struggled as the man buried his claws in her neck. I saw the trickle of blood coming down her neck. Slowly, she lost her strength and slumped in the arms of a much larger man. He didn’t lift his head as she twitched and cried and finally went completely still.

I couldn’t see the man’s face. I didn’t recognize the woman either, but I knew that the man was draining her blood.

I sat up to try and get a breath of air; I fought the cold, but I was pulled back into the memory and the cold made me weaker than I thought it would.

Blood splashed across my face. Gaunt, pale faces lit with red light leered down at me. I almost screamed, but as I did, cold water rushed in. I felt it turning my lung cold. I tried to force it out, but it filled my nose. I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe. I flailed and twisted. I screamed, and I pulled myself out. Something grabbed my leg and dug in with deep spikes of pain.

I felt the desperation of trying to get it off, stabbing and cutting into it, but everything was so dark. I had to get out. I grabbed for the edge of the tub. My hand slipped. I still couldn’t use my hands well enough to get a good grip. I couldn’t get out of the tub. I barely got my head above the surface to spit out a bunch of water before I slipped back into the tub and back into the memories.

More familiar faces. One of them, a man, looked gleeful as he lifted a whip in his hand. The world went dark, then there was a great hall decorated in gold with a red tinge. Red light streamed in through the windows. I felt someone near me. I heard something, but I didn’t know what it was.

Pain struck through me again. I felt it ripping through my feet. My back. My head began to ache like I’d slammed it on something. Something hit me again and again. I felt the bruises forming.

“Wake up!”

My arm burned like a knife had cut through it. I couldn’t breathe as I shoved at the hand that grabbed my hair and tilted my head back. Something dry and crumbly forced its way into my mouth and down my throat.

I reached out, trying to grab something. I heard the curtain pull tight and crash down over me.

The fabric of the curtain swirled in the water above me. I saw whisps of smoke coming from floating candles. Then darkness and the rush of the wind. Red light washed over a vast empty flat land. There was a tall castle that made me think of something from a fantasy novel, but a sense of dread filled me.

I was moving so fast, but how was I moving this fast? Why was I going there?

I didn’t want to go there.

Then, a pair of large hands grabbed me, pulling me down into a dark room. The walls were made of dark stone. The air smelled old and stale. I screamed as the world spun. I felt the sting of something ripping across my body. Then again and again. I felt my hands burning as if a knife has slit my hands. Strange faces with two-toned eyes flashed through my mind.

I screamed and choked. I tried to get up, to get out, but I felt like I was tied down and bound. I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe around the pain of the phantom thing whipping me. Someone was grunting with effort over me. I heard myself screaming as the pain cut through me, but I couldn’t escape it. I felt like my skin was being ripped apart. There was a pause in the pain, but then, hands wrapped around my neck.

Pain ripped across my back and thighs. I was starting to get lost in it. I felt the heat of the body close to me. I couldn’t think. Everything was pain. I couldn’t fight it. I couldn’t escape from it.

Then, there was something else happening. A different sensation cut through me. I shuddered and felt my toes curling. I sucked in a breath, but I felt like I couldn’t from the phantom hands around my throat. I felt someone’s hand between my thighs, pressing hard enough to send almost painful shocks of pleasure through me. My hips jerked against it as the man thrust his fingers into me roughly. They twisted and curled coaxing pleasure in me as I twisted and tried to fight it.

Was this a memory? Had this happened to me?

I felt hot. I felt feverish like an orgasm was coming, but I didn’t want it to. I had only had dreams of sex with Dean and even fewer times before that had I actually had sex. I knew that this wasn’t a memory from then.

This was something else entirely and I didn’t know how to feel about it. The fingers withdrew, and something bigger, much bigger and hotter, thrust into me. I cried out and went tense as the pleasure crashed over me.

As much as I wanted to hate this pleasure, a part of me wanted it to continue. I felt a pull, an urge to let this man take all of me. His girth was too much for me to handle. The ice water was no match for the heat created by my arousal.

One large hand wrapped around my neck holding me in place to take his large size, the other grabbing my breast and twisting my nipple between two fingers. The pleasure was intense and addicting. My thighs spread to accept him.

I couldn’t remember who this man was, but I felt a deep connection with him. The ice water muffed my moans and water seemed to fill my lungs. Yet I wasn’t ready for it to stop. My mind asked for more and it was like he was reading my thoughts.

His hand left my breast and circled my sensitive core to match the pace of his thrusting. My eyes closed and my toes curled. Each thrust stretched me and filled me. Pleasure filled me as my back arched and I felt the water splashing from the tub.

Submerged alone in the tub of ice water, but I could feel as this man mounted me and rammed himself in and out of me at a steady pace. The intense thrusting hit my core so deeply that my body broke out in a pleasurable release. It felt unlike anything I had experienced before, but part of me knew it wasn’t right.

My eyes flew open and I sat up, coughing and spitting out the water. Shivering and shaking as I tried to haul myself out of the tub. I slipped over the edge and crashed on the floor beside it, choking on the water trapped in my lungs.

When I could breathe easier, I lay still, shuddering. The mark on my shoulder burned and thrummed with something. It felt like it was coursing through me, keeping me warm and sending more pleasure through my body down to my sensitive core.

It was all real. It all felt so real, I shuddered. The sensation of that man on top of me was strong as if he was right here. I could almost feel his hand on my head. I turned my head sharply, but I saw no one there.

Whoever he was, he had something to do with the months of time I couldn’t remember, but who was he? In all of that, I couldn’t see his face.