Chapter 109: I acknowledge the symptoms

Henrique wasn't one to meddle in other people's lives. When Paulina came to his house, he swore to himself that he would remain impartial, let her think on her own, and make the best decision for herself. He even convinced Thiago - who had thought about forcing a meeting between the couple - to do the same.

However, seeing both Simon and Paulina drowning in foolish pride, he decided to put impartiality aside and spend his lunch break at home. He found Paulina in the living room, sitting in front of the TV with Majin sprawled out on her lap, thankfully avoiding having to search for her in the guest room.

Uncertain about how to broach the subject, he greeted the young woman and let the silence envelop them for some time as the images unfolded on the screen. Paulina wasn't really watching anything, not even paying attention to what was playing, and soon realized that her companion wasn't either, giving him a questioning look.

"I saw Simon today," Henrique finally commented.

"Good to know nothing changes in his routine," Perez quipped, the pain spreading as she thought of him being surrounded by eager female admirers at the gym, all anxious to warm his bed.

"I went to his apartment. He hasn't been to the gym since yesterday, so I decided to check on him," he explained, adjusting his glasses before adding, "Simon is feeling discouraged and depressed. It's obvious he misses you."

Paulina crossed her arms, unconsciously protecting herself from any defense of Simon, while battling inwardly against the satisfaction of Simon missing her. Although, it was probably just a supposition from Saldanha.

"He misses having a fool to deceive," she grumbled, trying to convince herself and prevent the increasing desire to look for Salvatore.

Henrique observed her thoughtfully.

"I believe you're blaming the wrong person," Paulina waited for Henrique to meet her confused gaze before continuing, "Why? Because you're scared. I've done this before, I recognize the symptoms."

"He convinced Nathaniel to cheat on me," the pain of Simon's betrayal returning to the brunette.

"No one convinces someone else to do something they don't want to do. Not without force," he emphasized.

"He convinced Nathaniel to cheat on me," she repeated, feeling her chest tighten and tears threatening to fall. "And then convinced me that it was my fault, to seduce me and..." she stopped herself, containing the words and the present sob in her voice, taking a deep breath to regain control before continuing, "I can't live with someone who lies, deceives for days and makes me feel bad, guilty, when he knows it's his fault."

Henrique tilted his head still observing her.

"I understand your anger and the hurt this discovery caused, but why didn't you feel the same way towards your ex-fiancé? Why didn't the anger and hurt surface against him, who was the one who actually betrayed you?" Paulina stayed silent, uncertain of how to respond. It was Henrique who verbalized what her heart whispered with fear of being punished, "Because now you're in love and afraid of what could happen if you surrender to this feeling."

"Simon deceived me..." she murmured.

"Nathaniel deceived you," Henrique insisted.

"It's different..." she retorted with a choked voice.

"Yes. You never loved Nathaniel," he emphasized with tenderness. "We forgive easily when our feelings aren't involved," he added, causing Paulina to crumble before this truth.

She had long realized that her relationship with Nathaniel was based on convenience and not love. She had been indifferent to his mistakes because she didn't care about being the decorative wife. Now she understood that she didn't want him around, she only desired the stability of a marriage where each knew what to expect from the other. He being the husband focused on work, oblivious to her needs. She being the diligent wife at home, accepting his absences in silence.

With Simon, she had more than a convenient relationship. They had shared their days, nights, worries, sorrows, joys, every moment. The lack of these moments, of affection, of hearing his voice, reading something he wrote to her, hurt. Only pride and the certainty of not being reciprocated, that he didn't care about her, kept her firm in her decision to avoid him.

"I went through something similar when I fell in love with Thiago," Henrique confessed, intertwining his hands on his lap, his mind in a time when he had constantly fought against his feelings, seeking foolish justifications to distance himself, as he saw Paulina doing now. "I don't know Simon's reasons for the suggestion - although I have my theory of what it is - but I'm absolutely sure that he loves you."

"Whoever loves does not lie..." Paulina refuted, rubbing her hands on her face, hoping to wipe away the tears that fell despite her efforts, and the desire to believe in Henrique's certainty.

"Everyone lies, especially when they want something they consider out of reach," Henrique retorted as he got up. "I won't insist, but I ask that you think carefully about what we've talked about." He took a few steps and then retreated as if he remembered something. "Before introducing us, Simon asked that Thiago and I teach her how to defend herself, to be confident in her own strength. I believe we succeeded," he finished before leaving her alone.

Uncomfortable, tired, and wanting to avoid thinking about the conversation she had just had or remembering the ones she had had with Gabriel and Mirela, she picked up her phone and replied to one of the many messages she had received that day.

~~

She pushed her blue-black strands behind her ear, but the smooth lock fell forward again when she leaned in to drink the smoothie she had ordered.

She was partly regretful of her impulse and partly numb. What was a haircut compared to the mess her life had become overnight? Regret settled in her lap when the person she was waiting for walked through the doors of the diner and stared at her in shock.

Paulina knew that her hair was only not terrible because of Tamiris' skill. But with every person who stared at her in astonishment, she realized that the chin-length cut was a stark difference from the waist-length hair she used to have.

She adjusted herself in the chair. Hair length wasn't important, especially since her guest's hair was only a few inches longer.

"Good afternoon, Paulina!" Cherry greeted her before sitting down and, after receiving a similar greeting, picked up the menu. "Do you come here often? Is the food and drink good?"

"Yes. I love the avocado smoothie," she said, pointing to her glass.

"I'll follow your lead," Cherry gave a quick smile without looking into her eyes and called the waitress to place her order. "Avocado smoothie and a tuna sandwich, no onions, and a large serving of French fries, please."

The waitress left, and silence reigned at the table. Paulina took a deep breath and took the lead. After all, she had invited Cherry.

"I called you to clear up a misunderstanding."

The secretary looked at her with fear, and Paulina wondered if only her haircut had changed, perhaps her expression carried all the conflicting emotions caused by what she had discovered on Friday night.

"I blamed and hated you for a long time when Nathaniel broke off our engagement," she began, but before she could continue, Cherry interrupted her with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, if I knew Nathaniel had someone, I would never have approached him, I swear," she said, adding anxiously, "I hate myself for what happened. I should have realized that Nathaniel was too good to be true."

"No! Stop blaming yourself," Paulina demanded, placing her hand on the Secretary's desk. "During these past months, some people made me see that you, like me, were the most affected in this case," Paulina wanted to think only of Tábata and Henrique, but the image of Simon was included against her will. "The fault was Nathaniel's, he owed me loyalty, he should have controlled himself and ignored Simon," she added bitterly, placing Salvatore exactly in the role that was his right. Not the friend who advised her, the man who showed her what it was to love, but as the executioner pouring poison into the ears of others and destroying lives in the process. "You don't have to apologize to me. It's Nathaniel and Simon who owe apologies to both of us," she concluded.

The waitress approached and Paulina waited for her to place the Secretary's order on the table and leave before continuing.

"I arranged this meeting to make it clear that I'm not in love with Nathaniel and I don't want him back," she said, surprising Cherry. "And also to say that he loves you like he never came close to loving me."

Cherry shook her head in disagreement, but Paulina ignored her.

"Nathaniel told me he loves you, that he wants to work things out between you," she said.

"At the event, he didn't seem so sure," Cherry replied.

"He was just angry about being deceived by Simon," Paulina retorted angrily. "Nathaniel never wanted me like he wants you."

Cherry still had doubts about the declaration, but she didn't want to argue about her relationship with Perez's ex-fiance. They had taken an important step and she didn't want to regress by expressing suspicion about Muller's intentions. But there was something she wanted to say that might make Perez angry.

"Paulina, I don't want to meddle in your relationship with Simon, but I need to tell you something," she said, seeing Perez sit up straight in her chair but deciding to go on. "Everyone in the company has noticed that Simon has changed in the last few months. He doesn't go out with any of the models and seems happy. Seeing him at the event, next to you, like he was before all the confusion, I realized the reason was you."

Paulina wanted it to be true, that she had been mistaken about Simon's motives and the other people were right, but she feared what would happen if she saw Salvatore and he despised her love.

"Let's not waste our time talking about those two," Paulina finally pleaded, determined to avoid speaking or hearing Salvatore's name. "Let's talk about more pleasant and productive things."

With a strained smile, Cherry nodded, and the conversation moved on to a safe topic for both of them.