Chapter 140: Can’t Let Go

COOPER

Avery’s words had struck Cooper like a truck barreling full tilt down the highway. They hadn’t been spoken in anger or malice, but in defeat. Contrary to how she’d appeared on the outside, the she-wolf had been hurting, had been fearful of his response to the bond.

What she hadn’t known — couldn’t have known — was that Cooper had never once thought of rejecting his mate. His plan from the start was to walk away and ignore the bond’s existence. Was it even possible? He didn’t know but was damn set on giving it his best try. Or had been, until that metaphorical truck had run him over.

How hadn’t he realized that this wasn’t about just himself? That Avery had her own thoughts, her own feelings? That maybe… she actually cared.

The hurt he saw in her as she gave him permission to break her heart, to take his time doing it, made him feel like a fool — the worst person alive. He was such a selfish ass.

Holding Avery in his arms like this, breathing in her intoxicating scent, left Cooper feeling out of sorts in more ways than one. She smelled like nostalgia. If he closed his eyes, he could picture his childhood home, could remember rough housing on the sofa with his brother or playing with his action figures on the floor in his room.

Avery was his home and part of him hated her for it because that meant she would— no, that she could hurt him. She wasn’t like… She was a completely different person from… He couldn’t even bring himself to think the name of his first mate; the one who’d rejected him.

The one who’d ruined his life.

“I don’t want to be hurt,” Cooper heard himself mumble into the back of Avery’s neck.

From the moment his arms had wrapped themselves around the she-wolf she’d stiffened as if she were waiting for something bad to happen. At his words, she began to relax. Slowly — incrementally — allowing him to mold their bodies together.

“Neither do I,” she finally said, voice low. Neither seemed to care they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk as traffic and people passed them by. In this moment the world had faded to nothing, leaving the two standing together in their own little bubble.

Cooper tightened his hold on his mate again, afraid to let go. The change in his actions, in his thoughts, might have been influenced by the alcohol in his system, but he wasn’t inebriated enough to be doing something he didn’t already want. And what he did want — had always wanted — was his mate; a mate who wouldn’t tear his heart to shreds without a second thought.

“I want you to come home with me,” he said after a minute of them standing together, Avery’s back flush against his chest as he still couldn’t bring himself to let go.

At his words, her body tensed again. “Cooper… how drunk are you?”

“I’m not.”

“…Cooper…”

“I’m not drunk, Avery. I promise. Maybe a bit tipsy but not drunk.”

She let out a breath before leaning her head back, resting it against his forehead. “Alright, but I’m driving.”

Cooper nodded in agreement.

“You need to let me go…”

Cooper shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Then how are we suppose to get to your place?”

It took him a few seconds to process the question, and figuring out the answer proved near impossible in his current state. His brain was such a mess he could barely understand how they’d gotten where and how they were — all he knew for certain was letting her go was no longer an option, that if he loosened his hold she would slip away.

“I can’t let you go.”

He felt her shift a little in his grip until she reassuringly pressed her hands against his arm. “I’m not going to go anywhere, okay? Let’s go to your place and figure this out.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Cooper had to take a moment to let her promise settle in before he was finally able to loosen his hold. Avery was patient, letting him do it in his own time and, once she was free, she turned and took his hand in hers. Her grip was steady — strong — and, coupled with a reassuring squeeze, told the wolf she had no intention of running.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, feeling stupid for his reaction, for how he’d made her feel. For everything. It was no wonder his first mate had rejected him.

“Come on,” Avery said as she gave his hand a tug. “Let’s get you home.”

She led the way to her car, where they had to part if they wanted to get inside — she couldn’t go through the passenger side and crawl into the driver’s seat, or so she informed him. Honestly, he thought her lean and probably flexible enough to manage it, but he’d already pushed things further than he was comfortable.

He hadn’t planned on turning into this needy mess of a man and was honestly doing everything he could to hold himself back. His wolf was having none of it at this point, as it adamantly refused to back down. Their mate was fine with them touching her; like hell were they not taking advantage of it.

As a compromise, Cooper walked Avery to the driver’s side, opening the door and holding it as she got inside. Only once she was securely inside did he quickly release his hold on her hand, close the door, and move to the passenger side. The whole time his mate was shaking her head at him, as though his actions were a bit much. And they were — he agreed with that — but he had his reasons; very good reasons.

Once he was in the car and buckled in, Cooper reached over and placed his hand on Avery’s thigh. At his touch, she gave him a look.

“I can’t hold your hand while you drive,” he grumbled, feeling like a petulant child as he averted his gaze to look out the side window.

Avery let out a small sigh. “It’s fine. Just don’t go up any further.”

The thought had crossed his mind of course but, now that his mate had put it out into the world, part of Cooper wanted to do exactly that. Reining in the urge while directing Avery to his home was a struggle but he managed it. Somehow.

Now came the hard part.